Tag Archives: 5th Amendment

Average Joe SCOTUS – United States v. Haymond

So this perverted motherfucker Haymond was a serial child porn user. His disgusting dumb ass got busted, was convicted, and was sentenced to 38 months in prison plus 10 years of supervised release. These two separate sentences will be important, so pay attention.

Haymond was still a pervert after he served hard time, and two years into his supervised release, this dumb motherfucker got busted again with new child porn. Like seriously, fuck this guy.

So the judge imposed a five year minimum sentence on Haymond as a result of his infraction during supervised release, based on minimums set forth in 18 U.S.C. § 3583(k).

Haymond sued and said, “This is some bullshit. The 5th amendment gives me due process, and the 6th amendment guarantees me a jury trial. But this piece of shit judge just shoved five years up my ass without a trial or a jury.”

Prosecutors were like, “Listen. First. You’re a fucking pervert and you need to be off the streets. Clearly, you’re a sick fuck that needs to go away. Second, your sentences originally were a total of 13 years and two months. You’ve only served the 38 months and 2 years of supervised, so the sentence is basically turning the balance of your supervised release to supervised behind bars, motherfucker. Third, fuck you.”

The whole point of a trial by jury, is because judges back in the day, were appointed by the king, and often corrupt AF. They couldn’t be trusted then. And even now, they’re still appointed and not always to be trusted. So juries are kinda important.

So now SCOTUS has to decide if Haymond should have been tried again for these new offenses before throwing his dumb ass back in jail, or if the judge was within the Constitutional framework sentencing him within his original sentence. Specifically, they were asked if 18 U.S.C. § 3583(k), which was the law that provided for a minimum of five years if he got busted during supervised release, violated his 5th and 6th amendment rights.

This was a tough one, split 5:4. These robed motherfuckers simply couldn’t agree here. Gorsuch sided with the left justices on this one, pretty pissed off that Congress, in passing such a law, wanted to essentially keep “we the people” out of the decision making process and putting these decisions solely in the hands of a judge. This bullshit law was deemed a violation of 5A and 6A. The other conservatives again, showing they’re not the constitutional freedom lovers you think they are dissented, agreeing with the idea that it was within the original sentence, and thus didn’t add any “time” to the defendant, it just added time in jail vs. supervised release.

Hear oral arguments and/or read about the case here.

 

 

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