Tag Archives: Average Joe SCOTUS

Average Joe SCOTUS Landmark Cases: Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission

I’ve been meaning to get to this one for a while because it’s often talked about and almost always misunderstood. I’ve watched people hold viscerally strong opinions on this case who couldn’t tell you who Citizens United are, what questions were before the court, or any other basic facts of the case. They just know what the news, pundits, or their chosen political tribe told them—which is usually somewhere between incomplete and flat-out wrong.

Many journalists don’t have a background in law, probably didn’t read the opinion nor listen to the arguments, and instead just reported what they thought it meant based on what others have said. I hope we all understand that second-hand info is shit.

If you want to understand a court’s opinion, you really either need to go to the source itself, or at least look at an analysis from someone with a background in law. If you’re desperate, you can read my shit.


The Facts of the Case

Back in 2002, Congress passed the Bipartisan Campaign Reform Act (BCRA), also known as McCain-Feingold.

FYI—BCRA is an acronym. The justices and solicitors don’t say “The Bee-See-Arr-Ay,” which would be more formal—they just say “Bickra.” I’ll do the same throughout this piece—leaving out the “the” before BCRA. So when you see BCRA, that’s what you should hear in your head. I don’t want anyone thinking my grammar is more trash than it already is.

One of BCRA‘s goals was limiting the amount of money that could be spent on political campaigns. The prevailing wisdom is that money buys elections. More importantly, it potentially buys quid pro quo corruption, or at least gives the appearance of it.

Also, ever noticed how candidates in ads always say, “I’m Cunty McCunterson, and I approve this message?” That’s also from BCRA. The thought was that if politicians had to attach their names to ads, they’d be less likely to run nasty or misleading ones, for fear of looking untoward.

Senators John McCain (R) left, and Russ Feingold (D) right

As it turns out, with both of Trump’s victories, data suggests he spent less than his opponents, so maybe this argument isn’t so strong.

[Editorial: I suspect if you have enough money to get your ads and information out there, that might be sufficient. And frankly, if the other side overspends and inundates you with ads, you might actually be repulsed by it. But who knows, right? I sure as fuck don’t. Psychology is weird, man.]

BCRA did a few things worth mentioning here.

  • A Soft Money Ban: Limited political party committees from accepting or spending funds not subject to federal limits.
  • Electioneering Communications: Restricted unions and corporations from funding television ads that mention a federal candidate within 30 days of a primary or 60 days of a general election.

    [Sidebar: Up to this point, 441b of the Federal Election Campaign Act (FECA) of 1971 only banned the use of corporate treasury funds for express advocacy of a candidate.

    Section 203 of BCRA amended 441b of FECA to include a ban on such funds being used for electioneering communications as well.

    We’ll cover express advocacy and electioneering communications in a bit, but just know that these provisions were pivotal in this case.

    You may hear the justices and petitioners refer to 203 or 441b throughout this case. They’re essentially interchangeable for our purposes since one simply modified the other.]
  • “Stand By Your Ad” Provision: Required candidates to include statements in advertisements identifying themselves and stating they approved the message.

The bill was sponsored by John McCain (R) and Russ Feingold (D) and was signed into law by President George W Bush (R)—so it was a truly bipartisan effort.

Before we go further, I probably need to explain Political Action Committees (PACs), too.

Currently, if you want to personally donate to Cunty McCunterson’s campaign, you may give them only $3,300 per candidate per election.

George W. Bush

If you own a company, however, and you want to write a check to McCunterson’s campaign from the company’s bank account, that’s a big no-no. What you can do instead is form a PAC.

PACs have certain requirements, like disclosing who put money into the PAC.

Your PAC can gather no more than $5,000, and give it to McCunterson’s campaign to use how they see fit—again, per candidate and per campaign. But that money STILL cannot come from the company treasury, it must be from individual donors within the corporation.

The $5,000 is misleading though, because PACs can also bundle up individual donations, too.

Let’s say your company has 100 execs who each want to pitch in the $3,300 max—you’d bundle up that $330,000, and give it to McCunterson’s team, along with the PAC’s $5k donation. A PAC’s not limited on total monies, just money per person.

Executives, shareholders, and their families can be solicited freely, but rank-and-file employees are a different story. They can only be solicited by mail, and only twice a year, so as not to feel pressured by a zealous boss.

Now that we’ve covered that, back to the case.

Along came a group called Citizens United—a conservative not-for-profit group that was founded in 1988 by David Bossie. Saying they were not fans of Hillary Rodham Clinton is understatement of the year. Not a lot of us are, but Bossie went nuclear on her.

Once Hillary’s Senate term ended and she began eyeing a presidential run, Bossie went in to action. He put together a documentary about her, funded in part by corporate donations, titled ‘Hillary: The Movie.’ Let’s just say it was less than flattering.

Why did this end up in court?

Citizens United was a 501(c)(4) non-profit organization, which identifies them as a “social welfare” group, not a PAC. That designation means they’re supposed to primarily serve the public good, not advance a political agenda, which I concede, in the view of political zealots, is the same fucking thing.

They got some of the money to make this “documentary” from corporations and intended to release it shortly before the Democratic primary, in which Hillary was an early favorite to win.

Knowing that BCRA might prohibit what they’d done, they proactively reached out to the Federal Election Commission (FEC) to see if they could move forward distributing their stupid film. The FEC gave them a hard “no,” arguing it ran afoul of BCRA’s provisions, exactly as Citizens United feared.

Citizens United screamed, “This is bullshit! We have every right to make our movie and put it out into the world. It’s not a political ad, it’s a documentary. We’re just sharing factual information about her.”

The FEC fired back, “Do you really expect us to believe that this is somehow not an attack ad against Hillary? This clearly violates BCRA rules, and you can go pound sand up your ass if you expect us to believe anything different.”

Citizens United Logo

Funny thing about this case—it was argued twice. That doesn’t happen often. The first oral arguments were largely just about Citizens United themselves, their stupid movie, and whether it was a political ad under BCRA. Since BCRA was a statute, that made this a statutory question.

But the justices kept gravitating toward a bigger issue—do corporations even have First Amendment speech rights in the first place, and if so, can Congress restrict them? That’s a constitutional question—inarguably a far more consequential one.

Neither side really came prepared to make that broader constitutional argument the first time, nor do I think the government’s side wanted to, so they were cordially invited to do some homework and come back a few months later.

Before we get into the arguments, let’s cover something we haven’t discussed much.

When someone appeals to SCOTUS, they don’t just show up to re-litigate their entire case—it’s not a do-over.

Typically, they objected to something in their lower court case, had it overruled, and now they’re appealing that objection. If they didn’t object in lower court, preserving the issue for appeal, they essentially waived their right to appeal it later.

If they feel the lower court applied the law or the Constitution incorrectly, they can appeal that as well. What they don’t appeal are the facts of the case. That was already addressed in the lower court, and ain’t nobody got time for going through all that shit again.

When someone goes to court, they have to formally pose a legal question(s) they want the court to answer.

The courts interpret the law—they don’t just settle beefs between parties.

Petitioners lay out these questions in their briefs. If the court in question is SCOTUS, they decide whether to take the case and answer them—a process called granting certiorari.

This is unique to SCOTUS, which receives thousands of requests each year—they couldn’t possibly hear them all. So they have developed the certiorari process to decide which ones they feel are the best use of their time, typically accepting fewer than 100 cases a year. Lower courts generally have to hear whatever cases are presented to them.

SCOTUS opinions are typically very specific—answering the precise questions asked of it, not just declaring a winner.

The general goal is to answer as narrowly as possible to avoid the argument that they’re legislating from the bench.

If a narrow ruling would give the petitioner everything they asked for, but the court goes buck wild and strikes down an entire law, that starts to look less like interpreting law and more like making it. That’s what people mean when they say a court is “legislating from the bench.”

In this case, there were four questions before the court.

First: This case was decided in January of 2010. But about eight years earlier, SCOTUS heard McConnell v. Federal Election Commission. That particular group of justices ruled that BCRA’s rules banning “soft money” donations were not a violation of free speech. Specifically, BCRA required companies to disclose what they had donated. So it wasn’t so much that it was banned speech, as it was compelled speech.

What the hell is “soft money” you ask?

Well, “hard” money is what is given directly to campaigns. “soft” money is money given to parties to do party work. Hard money must be disclosed, so people were donating soft money to get around that shit.

So the question today: does McConnell already answer the First Amendment question here since that ruling said the disclosure requirement wasn’t a violation of the First Amendment?

U.S. Constitution: 1st Amendment

Second: There are two types of speech in this realm—political speech and campaign speech.

Political speech is just talking politics in general—you like this idea, hate that policy, whatever.

But campaign speech is “You should vote for this dick-drizzle over here,” or “you should not vote for that twat-waffle over there.”

The argument is that political speech is the most protected of speeches, a Holy Grail, if you will. Campaign speech is electioneering though, and that can be regulated, such as in BCRA’s rules.

Citizens United argued that BCRA’s disclosure requirements are political speech, not campaign speech. So if they’re correct, is it constitutional to regulate their movie, if it’s political speech?

Third: If their speech doesn’t contain “vote for this asshole” or “don’t vote for that cocksucker,” is it subject to regulation under BCRA at all?

And Fourth: Is a feature-length documentary like “Hillary: The Movie” a political advertisement, subject to BCRA’s restraints, or is it just a fucking movie?


Oral Arguments #1 – March 24, 2009

First, for Citizens United (the petitioners), was Theodore B. Olson. His opening argument was this:

Theodore B. Olson

Mr. Chief Justice, and may it please the Court

Participation in the political process is the First Amendment’s most fundamental guarantee. Yet that freedom is being smothered by one of the most complicated, expensive, and incomprehensible regulatory regimes ever invented by the administrative state.

In the case that you consider today, it is a felony for a small, nonprofit corporation to offer interested viewers a 90-minute political documentary about a candidate for the nation’s highest office that General Electric, National Public Radio, or George Soros may freely broadcast.

Its film may be shown in theaters, sold on DVDs, transmitted for downloading on the Internet, and its message may be distributed in the form of a book. But its producers face 5 years in prison if they offer it in the home through the vehicle of Video On Demand.

Because the limitation on speech, political speech, is at the core of the First Amendment, the government has a heavy burden to establish each application of a restriction on that form of speech is a narrowly tailored response to a compelling governmental interest.

The government cannot prove and has not attempted to prove that a 90-minute documentary made available to people who choose affirmatively to receive it, to opt in, by an ideologically oriented small corporation poses any threat of quid pro quo corruption or its appearance.

Indeed, this documentary is the very definition of robust, uninhibited debate about a subject of intense political interest that the First Amendment is there to guarantee.

First to question him was Justice David Souter—a fascinating man, may he rest in peace.

I don’t believe we’ve mentioned him before.

The good folks at the “More Perfect” podcast did an amazing episode about him.

More Perfect is the best SCOTUS podcast out there, in my humble opinion—this episode in particular is not to be missed.

Justice Souter started by asking, “What if GM made this ‘movie,’ would the argument be the same?”

He wanted to know if it mattered the size of the group, the amount of money spent, etc., or whether it was just about the speech given? Also, did them being a right-wing organization, versus a corporation with no obvious political leanings, matter?

Olson responded that he didn’t believe BCRA was passed to ban feature-length documentaries, even if they were biased.

David Souter – Associate Justice to the Supreme Court of the United States
Served: 1990-2009
Lived: 1939-2025

Justice Breyer, smelling what Souter was cooking, asked if GM could make a 90-minute ad that just said, “Vote for this prick” over and over again. Can the government ban that?

They were drawing lines, as they do, between political speech and campaign speech.

We all know the First Amendment wasn’t created to discuss the weather, yeah? It was meant so you could call the current president a cunt, your Senator a prick, shit like that.

Stephen Breyer – Associate Justice to the Supreme Court of the United States (1994-2022)

BCRA was trying to limit buying elections, but money doesn’t win elections directly—it pays for putting speech in newspapers, magazines, television, or social media, which helps win elections.

But speech is fucking protected—it’s the First Amendment, man!

Before you argue the left’s goal is to stifle free speech, like a right-wing pundit might, it’s fair to point out that they consider things like buying ad space as more of a mechanism to amplify speech, not actually speech itself.

It’s not a horrible point no matter how much you want to have the First Amendment’s baby. The Court rejected this argument in a previous case, Buckley v. Valeo, which we’ll delve into a little later. But I at least wanted to be honest in my portrayal of what the respondents believe.

That’s the impossible tightrope BCRA was trying to walk—limit money in politics without violating free speech.

Olson, trying to draw a distinction, said that Hillary: The Movie wasn’t saying not to vote for Hillary, it was just trying to educate people about what a piece of shit she is. If they learn all that and still think she’s better than Obama or Romney, then fuck it, pull the trigger on her.

Justice Souter asked:

Doesn’t this one fall into campaign advocacy?

I mean, I’ve got the government’s brief open at pages 18 to 19 with the quotations:

She will lie about anything.

She’s deceitful.

David Souter – Associate Justice of the Supreme Court of the United States 1990-2009

She’s ruthless, cunning, dishonest, do anything for power, will speak dishonestly, reckless, a congenital liar, sorely lacking in qualifications, not qualified as commander in chief.

I mean, this sounds to me like campaign advocacy.

Souter clearly struggled with the idea that this was somehow just providing information—it was also inarguably opinion.

Olson responded with a not-so-eloquent dodge—he pointed out that BCRA issues are normally about advertisements that generally last under a minute, not a documentary.

Nice try, but Breyer, who was asking along these lines earlier, chimed in and wasn’t having it. He told Olson to answer the question he was asked. Souter, seemingly answered for him, saying this was clearly a “don’t vote for that prick” situation.

Stephen Breyer – Associate Justice to the Supreme Court of the United States (1994-2022)

Olson’s argument was that this was no different than what you see on the news, or more specifically opinion news, every day. So if Sean Hannity can call Hillary a piece of shit for an hour on his show, why can’t we call her a piece of shit for 90 minutes in our movie?

Breyer then said, “I’ll grant you that information is provided, you don’t just sit there and say, ‘Don’t vote for that scumbag’ over and over again. But still, how is that not trying to influence an election?”

“Are we really going to argue that it’s OK to send someone to the pokey for five years because they dropped some fucking facts about a politician and they weren’t the right type of organization to do so? That doesn’t sound like the America I learned about in school.” Olson asked.

I thought this was America, bro

Justice Anthony Kennedy then wondered, “So we should draft an opinion that says if a video is a minute or less, you can fuck right off, but if it’s 90 goddamn minutes, well, it’s golden?”

Olson admitted that was a stretch, but then pivoted to the fact that these one-minute-or-less ads you are inundated with are commercials which interrupt your regularly scheduled programming. What they made was a video-on-demand documentary. If people watched it, it was because they wanted to, not because someone paid to shoehorn it into their Judge Judy reruns.

Chief Justice Roberts, being wise to this pivot, asked, “I get the new angle, but first let’s talk about content. How is a 10-second ad different than your 90-minute diatribe about why Hillary sucks?”

Olson chose to argue about whether he shifted or not, instead of answering the actual question at hand—arguing semantics is probably not a great strategy, if I’m honest.

Justice Antonin Scalia, may he rest in peace, seemingly doling out campaign lessons, chirped, “You can inform people in thirty seconds, you don’t need ninety minutes to make a fucking point. Your documentary makes a hundred points, so you could just pick one of them and make it a ninety-second ad, right?”

Antonin Scalia – Associate Justice to the United States Supreme Court
Served 1986-2016
Alive: 1936-2016

Olson dodged Scalia’s question too—saying that BCRA was about banning things that were potentially corrupting, like giving money to a candidate for a little quid-pro-quo action.

Olson had been arguing this was a First Amendment issue, but when pressed, suddenly shifted to defending BCRA’s intent instead.

Scalia, never one to let a dodge slide, interjected, “A second ago, we were talking about the First Amendment. Now you’re talking about BCRA. What the fuck is your argument, man?”

Olson quipped, “I’m making both arguments. I’m trying to get you to see that BCRA was constructed to be constitutionally compliant. They wouldn’t have made a law that they thought violated the First Amendment on purpose. So I’m saying that clearly BCRA doesn’t apply to political speech, which is what we think our brilliant fucking movie is.”

He then pointed out that the government is burdened with proving this movie isn’t protected speech, but how can they say it isn’t when it’s the same shit you see on the news every day?

Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, may she rest in peace, pointed out that the whole documentary focused on someone who was currently running for president, and only shared how much of a sociopath she is, so folks would consider only the bad shit before voting for that monstrosity in a pantsuit.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg – Associate Justice of the United States Supreme Court
Served: 1993-2020
Lived: 1933-2020

Olson conceded it was likely to influence some voters. But he flipped the script and was like, “Even if it were more even-handed, and we complimented her on what nice pantsuits she wore, we’d still be in trouble. So I don’t think it matters whether we’re even-handed or whether we tell the world what a psychopath she is.”

Justice Souter was quick to jump back into the fray and asked Olson, “What fucking evidence do you have that BCRA cared about 60-second ads arguing what a piece of shit Hillary is, and somehow not 90 minutes of that brilliant point?”

He went back to the argument that he felt BCRA was meant to limit how many times you’d get inundated with ads you don’t choose to view, and this isn’t that—folks clicked on this shit and paid to watch it.


Next up was Deputy Solicitor General of the United States, Malcolm Stewart.

He started his opening remarks with this, but was interrupted before he could even complete it.

Malcolm Stewart – Deputy Solicitor General of the United States

Mr. Chief Justice, and may it please the Court: The lead opinion in Wisconsin Right to Life didn’t just use the term functional equivalent of express advocacy, it explained what that term meant. And on page 2667 of volume 127 of the Supreme Court Reporter, the plurality—the lead opinion stated:

“In light of these considerations, a court should find that an ad is the functional equivalent of express advocacy only if the ad is susceptible of no reasonable interpretation other than as an appeal to vote for or against a specific candidate. “

So the functional equivalence test doesn’t depend on the length of the advertisement or the medium in which the advertisement…

At which point, Chief Justice Roberts jumped in and pointed out that neither this case, nor the Wisconsin Right to Life (WRTL) cared about the length of the video in question.

Wisconsin Right to Life v. Federal Election Commission is worth a quick detour. In 2004, WRTL ran ads urging Wisconsin residents to contact their senators—ironically including BCRA co-sponsor Russ Feingold—urging them to drop the hammer on judicial filibusters.

That’s when minority senators filibuster to prevent the president’s judicial nominees.

The FEC said those ads violated BCRA’s electioneering communications ban because they mentioned federal candidates within 30 days of a primary.

WRTL cordially invited the FEC to eat a bag of dicks. They said, “We’re talking about a Senate procedure, not telling anyone how to vote. We’re directing them as to whom they should call, not telling them who to vote for.”

The Court agreed, and carved out an exception. If an ad can reasonably be interpreted as advocating for an issue rather than a candidate, it can’t be banned under BCRA. Makes sense, right? You can’t bribe a policy position.

That “functional equivalent of express advocacy” test is what Stewart was harping about. His argument was that Hillary: The Movie can only reasonably be interpreted one way—don’t vote for that pantsuit-wearing sociopath. Citizens United disagreed, obviously.

Chief Justice Roberts and Olson bandied about this subject for a bit before Stewart was like, “Listen Chief, Congress’ intent was to look at the definition of electioneering communication. They defined that shit as a broadcast, cable, or satellite communication aired within 30 days of a primary or 60 days of a general election. So this is definitely that.”

Justice Roberts hit him with the ol’ hypo and asked:

So if Wal-Mart airs an advertisement that says we have candidate action figures for sale, come buy them, that counts as an electioneering communication?

He was like, “Fuck Walmart. But they could get an exception if…” at which point Justice Alito interrupted him before he could finish his thought. (I’m sensing a theme here—let the man speak!)

Justice Alito asked if Stewart felt the Constitution forced Congress to draw the line at broadcast, cable, or satellite, as opposed to DVDs, books, the internet, etc.

Stewart didn’t think so. It could have applied to other media as well.

Samuel Alito Associate Justice of the United States Supreme Court

The exchange between him and Alito that followed has become somewhat of a legend.

Samuel A. Alito, Jr.

That’s pretty incredible.

You think that if a book was published, a campaign biography that was the functional equivalent of express advocacy, that could be banned?

Malcolm L. Stewart

I’m not saying it could be banned.

I’m saying that Congress could prohibit the use of corporate treasury funds and could require a corporation to publish it using its PAC.

Samuel A. Alito, Jr.

Well, most publishers are corporations.

And a publisher that is a corporation could be prohibited from selling a book?

Malcolm L. Stewart

Well, of course, the statute contains its own media exemption or media…

Samuel A. Alito, Jr.

I’m not asking what the statute says.

The government’s position is that the First Amendment allows the banning of a book if it’s published by a corporation?

Malcolm L. Stewart

Samuel Alito – Associate Justice of the United States Supreme Court

Because the First Amendment refers both to freedom of speech and of the press, there would be a potential argument that media corporations, the institutional press, would have a greater First Amendment right.

That question is obviously not presented here.

Stewart knew this was not going to go well for him. Banning books is a political death sentence in the United States.

Justice Kennedy then jumped in and asked, “What if some advocacy group wrote a book, and just made an ad to help sell the book?”

Stewart left the door open on that, so Kennedy walked through even further and asked, “What about if it’s on a Kindle, and that Kindle is transmitted to via a satellite?”

Remember, satellite communications are prohibited if you were wondering whether Kennedy was just waxing poetic or some shit.

Anthony Kennedy – Associate Justice: Supreme Court of the United States
Served: 1988-2018

Stewart was like, “I’m not saying it would be banned. I’m saying the company couldn’t pay for it from its own treasury, it’d have to come from a PAC.”

At this point, Stewart was probably shitting bricks, and the onslaught didn’t stop.

Stewart, later in his career, was recognized by Justice Roberts in session, for appearing before the court and arguing effectively for the government 100 times.

Quite the milestone—but today, by all accounts, he had his ass handed to him by Justice Roberts”.

Their exchange was also quite legendary, and it’s likely a huge reason the FEC lost.

John G. Roberts, Jr.

If it has one name, one use of the candidate’s name, it would be covered, correct?

Malcolm L. Stewart

That’s correct.

John G. Roberts, Jr.

If it’s a 500-page book, and at the end it says, and so vote for X, the government could ban that?

Malcolm L. Stewart

Well, if it says vote for X, it would be express advocacy and it would be covered by the pre-existing Federal Election Campaign Act provisions.

John G. Roberts, Jr.

No, I’m talking about under the Constitution, what we’ve been discussing, if it’s a book.

Malcolm L. Stewart

If it’s a book and it is produced—again, to leave one side the question of…

John G. Roberts, Jr.

Right, right.

Forget the…

Malcolm L. Stewart

…the possible media exemption, if you had Citizens United or General Motors using general treasury funds to publish a book that said at the outset, for instance, Hillary Clinton’s election would be a disaster for this…

John G. Roberts, Jr.

John Roberts - Education, Age & Chief Justice
John Roberts – Chief Justice: Supreme Court of the United States

…No, take my hypothetical.

It doesn’t say at the outset.

If funds—here is—whatever it is, this is a discussion of the American political system, and at the end it says vote for X.

Malcolm L. Stewart

Yes, our position would be that the corporation could be required to use PAC funds rather than general treasury funds.

John G. Roberts, Jr.

And if they didn’t, you could ban it?

Malcolm L. Stewart

If they didn’t, we could prohibit the publication of the book using the corporate treasury funds.

Between Alito and Roberts, they got him to admit the government would potentially ban a book.

Justice Breyer, seemingly throwing Stewart a lifeline, asked, “What if The Teamsters said, ‘You know what, we fucking love Hillary Clinton—she’s our kind of corrupt sociopath.’ The First Amendment doesn’t allow them to ban such speech, right? They can only ask who the fuck is paying for them to say it in a public forum, such as buying ad space?”

“The government can’t ban the speech, they can just limit the amount of money spent to promote such speech. Right?” Breyer continued.

Stewart agreed.

Antonin Scalia – Associate Justice: Supreme Court of the United States
Served 1986-2016
Alive: 1936-2016

Justice Scalia then jumped in with, “Let’s go back to a media company. That’s their fucking job. So now, they can’t report on candidates and shit, because they’re paying for that news coverage, and your way around this clear paradox is to say that the First Amendment’s freedom of the press makes them, and only them, exempt?”

Elaborating further he asked:

Antonin Scalia

But does “the press” mean the media in that constitutional provision?

You think in 1791 there were people running around with fedoras that had little press tickets in it, (saying) “Press”?

Is that what “press” means in the Constitution?

Doesn’t it cover the Xerox machine?

Doesn’t it cover the right of any individual to write, to publish?

Stewart weirdly switched gears and brought Alito back into this mess to make a new point he hadn’t addressed earlier.

He mentioned that if Citizens United had just put the video on their own webpage or YouTube, we wouldn’t be in this mess. The fact that they made it video on demand, which the government considered broadcast or satellite, is where the problem lies.

Stewart likely didn’t know it, but he handed his own ass to himself on a plate.

Justice Alito saw an open door and walked through it like he was on a mission from god, asking, “Alright, great point. So what if Congress decides that the internet is part of the problem too and amends the law to include that—is that speech now banned?”

Samuel Alito – Associate Justice of the United States Supreme Court

He wasn’t wrong—that seemed like a weak point for Stewart.

He was trying to carve out some technicality exemption to what Alito likely believes is a blatant First Amendment violation, which Congress could easily fix, pulling the rug out from under Stewart’s entire argument.

Justice Kennedy then laid a trap, pressing Stewart on the opposition’s central distinction—the 60-second ad versus the 90-minute documentary.

Stewart argued he saw no legal distinction.

Justice Kennedy was like, “If we rule against you, not only is his 90-minute documentary allowed, but all those 60-second ads are allowed too, right? Because you see no distinction?”

Stewart was like, “That’s up to you, dawg. If you say there’s a distinction between the two, then no.”

Stewart argued that Hillary: The Movie not only painted Clinton in a bad light—it also argued she’d make a shitty president. That second part is a big reason why they’ve got a fucking problem with this—that’s advocacy.

Justice Ginsburg asked about a similar film called Fahrenheit 9/11, from Michael Moore, conveniently released during the 2004 election cycle. It cast President Bush in a pretty negative light. So she asked if that would be banned if it were aired within the 60-day bar that BCRA sets?

Ruth Bader Ginsburg – Associate Justice of the United States Supreme Court
Served: 1993-2020
Lived: 1933-2020

“I never watched that shit, so I wouldn’t know. But maybe,” said Stewart.

Justice Scalia, not done with his First Amendment questions yet, asked whether the Constitution protects the person who wants to hear the speech as much as the person making the speech.

Stewart again answered a different question than he was asked. He talked about the efficacy of a 90-minute documentary that people have to ask to watch, versus a campaign commercial that interrupts what they were watching.

Scalia wasn’t having it. He jumped in, “That wasn’t my question, man. Two people, one of them wants to speak, the other wants to hear them speak, and you’re telling me the First Amendment doesn’t apply to that speech—government can just say:

No, the two of you can’t do this?

Stewart, running low on good answers, retreated again to the Video on Demand argument. He felt that VOD fell under the broadcast or satellite rubric, and therefore was a problem. If they had made a DVD people could buy, apparently that would have been OK in his mind.

Sidebar: You may have noticed Stewart dodged a lot of questions, which seems like a bad strategy. However, he may have been sly like a fox. We’ll never know—I can’t peek inside his mind.
He was almost certainly afraid of losing on Constitutional grounds, which would be a huge fucking loss with big implications, as we’ll get to later, so I suspect he was hoping to focus solely on the statutory issues instead.

Justice Roberts then waded into the “exemption to disclosure requirements for those with a fear of reprisal” issue.

Where does this come from, you ask? Well, it’s case law from NAACP v. Alabama (1958).

After a dispute between the two, Alabama tried to compel the NAACP to hand over their membership list. The court unanimously ruled that the NAACP didn’t have to do shit. They rightly reasoned those folks would be harassed by some pricks in white bedsheets and pointy hats who don’t take kindly to people like the NAACP ’round their parts.

Roberts wanted to understand if that applied here. Maybe the disclosure requirements would lead people of one party to attack supporters of the other, and therefore they deserved some level of anonymity. I mean, Trump has had at least three fucking would-be assassins at this point, so it’s fair to say that political disagreements might lead to violence.

Chief Justice John Roberts Being Sworn In

Counsel Stewart was like, “They fucking disclosed before with no reprisals. So why the fuck we even talkin’ ’bout this, bro?”

“You only get an exemption after someone has faced some sort of reprisal? That doesn’t seem very fucking smart, does it?” said Roberts. “Are we gonna make it so that someone has to get shot before we authorize restraining orders now, too?”

Stewart seemed willing to concede this point—he likely didn’t care about the disclosure aspect of BCRA so much as the banning of anything they considered corporate-funded political ads.


With that, the first oral arguments were complete.

Because there were both statutory and constitutional questions in this case, the court decided that McConnell’s constitutionality may need to be revisited.

This occurred in private deliberations among the justices, so we don’t have records on that. But the logic is pretty clear — they weren’t certain they could reasonably side with Citizens United yet leave McConnell standing.

Since both parties in the first set of oral arguments didn’t fully explore the broad constitutional issues, and focused mostly on the as-applied ones, they were asked to consider those, and come back for round two.

“As-applied” just means that they discussed the constitutionality of BCRA “as it applied” to Citizens United. If they were to win, it could just mean that the Court ruled BCRA didn’t apply to them, but would still remain as valid law for everyone else.

But the Court could also rule that BCRA, or at least the provisions of BCRA in question here, were wholly unconstitutional and must be struck down entirely.

For the second go-around, only Theodore Olson returned to the fray, this time with Floyd Abrams by his side as an amicus (friend of the court) arguing for the ageless Mitch McConnell.

Malcolm Stewart was out for the FEC, replaced by two people—Seth Waxman representing John McCain—who as you recall sponsored BCRA. And also Elena Kagan, then Solicitor General for the DOJ, who is currently now a Supreme Court Justice.


Oral Arguments #2: September 9th, 2009

First up again, Theodore Olson, who opened with this:

Theodore Olson

Mr. Chief Justice and may it please the Court: Robust debate about candidates for elective office is the most fundamental value protected by the First Amendment’s guarantee of free speech.

Yet that is precisely the dialogue that the government has prohibited if practiced by unions or corporations, any union or any corporation.

The government claims it may do so based upon the Austin decision that corporate speech is by its nature corrosive and distorting because it might not reflect actual public support for the views expressed by the corporation.

The government admits that that radical concept of requiring public support for the speech before you can speak would even authorize it to criminalize books and signs.

This Court needs no reminding that the government when it is acting to prohibit, particularly when it is acting to criminalize, speech that is at the very core of the First Amendment has a heavy burden to prove that there is a compelling governmental interest that justifies that prohibition and that the regulation adopted, in this case a criminal statute, is the most narrowly tailored necessary to accomplish that compelling governmental interest.

Justice Ginsburg was the first out of the gate noting that an individual is “endowed by their creator” with inalienable rights but a corporation is just created by a person or persons. “Are we to draw no legal distinction regarding rights, between a person and a corporation?” she wanted to know.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg – Associate Justice of the United States Supreme Court
Served: 1993-2020
Lived: 1933-2020

Olson cited several cases where corporations were entitled to First Amendment protections to support his argument that yes, the First Amendment applies to both.

Justice Ginsburg then wanted to know “Even corporations that are owned entirely by foreign nationals outside the United States?”

Olson was like, “Doesn’t fucking matter.”

Because this is a restriction on political speech, he then went on to lay the groundwork for why strict scrutiny applies.

If you’re not familiar with what strict scrutiny means in case law, read this piece I wrote about the subject HERE in a previous post. Strict scrutiny is nearly a century in the making, and case law in the US is littered with examples where it underpinned the ruling. It’s fundamental to this one as well, so I reference it throughout. If you’re interested in the courts, you’ll want to understand this concept.

Justice Scalia asked if the government could prevent foreign interests from funding US electioneering speech.

Antonin Scalia – Associate Justice: Supreme Court of the United States
Served 1986-2016
Alive: 1936-2016

Olson responded with the “I don’t know” defense.

That’s fair—it wasn’t an issue here, so he couldn’t fathom everything they’d ask.

Sticking with this theme, Justice Stevens reiterated RBG’s question about the rights of corporations versus people, and then Justice Alito asked if foreign-owned companies, operating in the US, have less free speech rights than American ones as well.

Olson was like, “What is it with you fucking people? The First just says “government shall make no law.” It doesn’t say “make no law if you’re from here.” The Court has said political speech is the pinnacle of protected speech, so to restrict it would have to fall under strict scrutiny.”

Justice Ginsburg asked why Olson kept saying “prohibition.” Corporations aren’t prohibited from funding such speech—they’re just supposed to go through a PAC.

He pointed out that corporations can’t actually contribute via a PAC either. As we covered earlier, a PAC is funded by individual donors within a corporation—executives, shareholders, employees—giving their own personal money—the corporate treasury never enters the picture.

Buckley v. Valeo, which we mentioned earlier, was heavily discussed. The important facet of that case is that there are two types of spending in play.

  • Donations: money given to a candidate.
  • Expenditures: money spent independently to express a political view, with no candidate involved.

Remember, Citizens United made a movie. They never gave a dime to Barack Obama, who beat Hillary in the primary, nor to Mitt Romney, who would have been her general election opponent, had she gotten that far.

No campaign donation here—just an expenditure.

I won’t dig deep into Buckley, but the court ruled restrictions on donations were constitutional—restrictions on expenditures were not.

This is an easy concept to understand—it’s the linchpin in this case. If I give a politician money (donations), it stands to reason that asshole might do me a favor in return. That’s quid pro quo, and that’s corruption.

But if I just spend money to advance my opinion to the public (expenditures) without any interaction with a politician, it’s hard to say I corrupted anyone—I never gave a red cent to an actual person.

That meant expenditures were essentially a protected right, and to regulate them would have to pass the strict scrutiny test. Since BCRA limited them to 30 days before the election, Congress felt that the law was narrowly tailored enough, as required by strict scrutiny, to pass the test.

Stephen Breyer – Associate Justice to the Supreme Court of the United States (1994-2022)

Breyer was like, “OK, Congress restricted electioneering communications to a 30-day window, and only on television ads. Doesn’t that survive strict scrutiny? If not, does it not meet the definition of a compelling interest, or is it not narrowly tailored enough?”

Olson responded, “You must always second guess Congress when the First Amendment is in play—they’re shady AF.”

He pointed out that the government provided no evidence of corruption via expenditures, unlike donations, where the appearance of corruption is much harder to dismiss.

Justice Ginsburg had the receipts, though. She mentioned that a three-judge court found that Federal officials feel indebted to corporations or unions who support them.

Olson conceded this, but reasoned, “We’re talking about expenditures, remember? That’s a great point on contributions if we were talking about those—let’s stay on topic, you old battle axe.”

The exchange he had with Breyer, Kennedy, and Ginsburg was largely around coordination. Remember, these laws exist because the government feared bribery and corruption.

If a company just goes off and makes its own ad—at no point discussing it with a candidate—that ad might actually be something the candidate actively opposed, and therefore wouldn’t result in a returned favor.

Consider this—Obama benefitted from Hillary: The Movie, but he may have been none too keen on how badly it reflected on the DNC by association.

So in that light, Citizens United’s speech was politically protected—and Obama, the very person who benefitted, never gave them a thing in return.

Hillary Rodham Clinton

Justices Roberts and Stevens then brought up First National Bank of Boston v. Bellotti, where the court noted that influencing elections was the point of protected speech.

The majority opinion held that the speech is what’s protected, not the speaker.

Put an individual behind these exact same words and nobody bats an eye, so restricting it from a corporation shouldn’t change anything.

They also discussed candidates versus ballot issues. Bellotti involved a company speaking out against an issue, not supporting a candidate.

Again, these laws are restrictions on content-based speech—therefore strict scrutiny applies. The compelling interest is quid pro quo corruption, so how would a ballot issue pay you back for getting it passed?

The ballot issue part of Bellotti doesn’t apply here but the speech protection sure does, according to Olson.

He then made an interesting point—issues and candidates are often inseparable. A corporation might only care about, say, marijuana legalization, and there might be only one candidate who shares their position. If that corporation speaks out in support of legalizing the Devil’s lettuce, does that speech suddenly become a problem just because only one candidate agrees with them?

The corporation might despise everything else about that candidate—their character, their voting record, their stupid haircut—but they agree on this one thing. It’s a hell of a stretch to call that corruption.

Therefore, he argued, the court can’t really distinguish between issue support and candidate support.

Official Portrait of United States Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor
Click for Biography

Justice Sonia Sotomayor, who replaced Justice Souter on the Supreme Court between the first arguments and this second round, asked if Olson was abandoning his statutory argument from the first round, and focusing only on the constitutional ones now.

Olson was like, “Nope. We think we win either way, and both support us. But you dragged my ass back here on these broader constitutional questions, so that’s what I’m talking about now.”


Next up was Floyd Abrams, in support of Citizens United.

Floyd Abrams

He opened by arguing that the courts could just address the statutory question, leave the other precedents alone, and move on.

But if they did, it would lead to an inevitable shit-storm of similar cases they’d have to resolve, until they eventually just decide this is a First Amendment issue and invalidate all this other case law.

So they might as well gut this pig now and save everyone a trip back here in two years.

Not exactly argument of the year, but not wrong either.

That said, the Court usually shies away from answering broad constitutional questions when a simpler statutory one will suffice—this can be deemed legislating from the bench. So Abrams’ argument of expedience is ill-advised.

Abrams was brief, so not much to say about his time at the pulpit, and that was kind of the point.

He was just there as an amicus for Mitch McConnell, whose loss in McConnell v. FEC was mentioned earlier. Ol’ Mitch hated this fucking law with the heat of a thousand suns and he wanted it gone.


Up next was then Solicitor General for the DOJ, Elena Kagan.

She opened by saying:

Associate Justice Elena Kagan

For over 100 years Congress has made a judgment that corporations must be subject to special rules when they participate in elections and this Court has never questioned that judgment.

Justice Scalia was like, “WTF are you talking about? We never questioned it, but we never approved it, either! We’re not some group of political hacks who just jump in and pick shit to approve or disapprove. Someone with standing to do so has to come here and ask us to give an opinion. We don’t just issue opinions out of the blue. Assholes like your clients have to come in and complain first.”

Justices Roberts and Stevens next asked about Federal Election Commission v. Massachusetts Citizens for Life (MCFL).

In this case, SCOTUS ruled that similar federal election rules violated MCFL’s First Amendment rights. The Court carved out an exception for MCFL because:

  • They were formed solely for political purposes
  • They had no shareholders
  • They did not accept contributions from for-profit corporations.

In their opinion, no business interests in political influence—no corruption.

Citizens United is a little different in that they accepted money from for-profit corporations to achieve their mission.

While Meat Loaf may argue that two out of three ain’t bad, Kagan and the FEC felt it should be all three or nothing when all of this started.

It’s worth noting that at this point, it was already looking like Citizens United would win.

Kagan’s play was to get the MCFL exemption applied to Citizens United, which is a narrow statutory ruling. That would at least leave the BCRA provisions they were debating in place—and preserve the other case law that helps limit corporate campaign influence.

She was willing to shift her position and lose the statutory battle so the government could still win the constitutional war.

Justice Roberts, clearly understanding this was where she was going, pressed her to admit as much. She responded:

If you are asking me, Mr. Chief Justice, as to whether the government has a preference as to the way in which it loses, if it has to lose, the answer is yes.

Justice Kennedy and Kagan then sparred extensively about whether BCRA, specifically section 203 which prohibited electioneering communications paid for by corporate treasury funds, was overbroad. Meaning, as we know from strict scrutiny (hopefully), laws around restricting what you say (content-based speech) must pass three tests—compelling interest by government, narrowly tailored to meet that interest, and least restrictive means.

Anthony Kennedy – Associate Justice: Supreme Court of the United States
Served: 1988-2018

The government arguably has a compelling interest in preventing quid pro quo corruption, so that’s a big check. It’s the “narrowly tailored” part that they’re concerned about.

Seemed like Kennedy was arguing that BCRA may restrict more speech than it needs to, in order to achieve this goal. The concern was that BCRA may prevent people from opining on why they want government to eat their entire ass, even when those people have absolutely no quid pro quo expectation.

Kagan was trying to save section 203, which was arguably on life support at this point. She hoped to get SCOTUS only to quash it as applied to Citizens United. But Kennedy was leaning toward “this whole fucking provision of BCRA is a problem and needs to go.”

She then had exchanges with justices Stevens and Breyer about whether they should just strip out a provision in BCRA that exempts non-profits, which again means Kagan loses, but BCRA 203 remains largely intact.

Justice Roberts next wanted to discuss the compelling interest in a previous case, Austin v. Michigan Chamber of Commerce. He was setting her up, but it’s a fair and nuanced point.

In Austin, a similar case to this about a Michigan law like BCRA, the court ruled that the government’s compelling interest for limiting content-based speech was that corporations shouldn’t appropriate shareholders’ money for expressive purposes. They argued this causes “distortion.”

Sidebar: Distortion is the idea that corporate political spending can make one viewpoint appear more powerful or widely supported than it really is among actual voters.

A corporation may be made up of shareholders, employees, and members with all kinds of political views, but leadership can use corporate treasury money to push one message. That money does not get spread out according to everyone’s opinions; it gets concentrated behind one position, making that opinion artificially louder than it otherwise would be because it has a shit ton of money behind it.

That is the basic concern: corporate economic power can be converted into political influence in a way that does not necessarily reflect genuine democratic support.

The constitutional fight is whether that concern qualifies as a compelling governmental interest to satisfy strict scrutiny and thus allow limiting political speech.

Quid pro quo corruption had already been accepted as a compelling governmental interest by the Court in previous case law, but this “distortion” idea was about to be hotly debated, as SCOTUS hadn’t opined on that shit yet.

Kagan agreed with this understanding of the compelling interest, but she relied on Austin as support for BCRA’s 203 amendment to FECA 441b.

Associate Justice Elena Kagan

Kagan agreed that the government’s compelling interest in Austin was preventing quid pro quo corruption, not distortion. So Justice Roberts was essentially arguing that she can’t rely on Austin to help her if it’s not even the same compelling interest for the purpose of satisfying strict scrutiny.

Kagan, not wanting to lose this argument, essentially argued that she felt both were compelling interests, and each applied in both cases—they were two sides of the same coin.

Justice Scalia then launched this missile. He pointed out that most companies are single-shareholder corporations. So if strict scrutiny applies, and you’re restricting these single-shareholder corporations where distortion clearly would not apply, can you say the law is narrowly tailored and the least restrictive means?

She had no choice but to agree with this point. Again, she was losing this battle, and you had to feel for her. She was trying to salvage something, and it was just not working.

Justice Scalia suggested that Congress too had self-interest. With his trademark cynicism in hand, he argued that the courts are very suspicious when congress restricts content-based speech, because they’d always vote to help themselves, the incumbents, win elections.

But out of nowhere and nearly down for the count, Kagan spotted a weakness and handed him his ass on a plate. She pointed out that:

I think, Justice Scalia, it’s wrong.

Antonin Scalia – Associate Justice: Supreme Court of the United States
Served 1986-2016
Alive: 1936-2016

In fact, corporate and union money go overwhelmingly to incumbents.

This may be the single most self-denying thing that Congress has ever done.

If you look at the last election cycle and look at corporate PAC money and ask where it goes, it goes ten times more to incumbents than to challengers, and in the prior election cycle even more than that.

And for an obvious reason, because when corporations play in the political process, they want winners, they want people who will produce outcomes for them, and they know that the way to get those outcomes, the way to get those winners is to invest in incumbents, and so that’s what they do.

As I said, in double digits times more than they invest in challengers.

So I think that that that rationale, which is undoubtedly true in many contexts, simply is not the case with respect to this case.

Kagan then argued that corporations are different because while people might hold a political position because they just like it, for family reasons, moral reasons, religious reasons, the list could go on forever—corporations mostly just care about return on investment, because they’re soulless capitalist pigs.

Justice Roberts responded, “That’s poppycock. Corporations are diverse, just like people, and while it may be true that many are only motivated by money, corporations often reflect the morals of their board members, and it’s a little demeaning to say they only ever care about money.”

John Roberts – Chief Justice: Supreme Court of the United States

It was clear that Justice Roberts was apprehensive about what he saw as socialist rhetoric. Kagan might have been wise to avoid characterizing corporations so pejoratively—implying greed is their only interest.

Justice Scalia then pointed out that single shareholders can just do the same thing as individual voters, without hiding behind the corporate structure. The only reason they wouldn’t is to save on their income taxes.

Justice Breyer, deciding to play a bit of softball, mentioned that he’d seen, in a litany of DC Court briefs, where politicians talked about fundraising as something that’s always on their mind as they grant access to donors.

He was giving Kagan an opportunity to defend BCRA by showing that the appearance of corruption was clearly there, supporting the compelling interest argument.

Here’s the thing, though—we’re discussing expenditures, not donations, remember? Citizens United didn’t give money to anyone, they made a movie that, as far as we know, wasn’t supported by any candidate. So Breyer, while trying to help Kagan, went off the rails here.

Justice Roberts next asked whether it was insulting to assume shareholders in a company couldn’t exercise influence or sell their shares, if they didn’t like a company’s political activities. They’re not helpless, and don’t need big brother to protect them from things they simply don’t like.

Associate Justice Elena Kagan

Kagan argued that it’s tough when a busy person, who owns shares in multiple companies, is juggling a job and multiple investments.

“So isn’t it extraordinary that we have to protect shareholders from themselves?” asked Justice Roberts.

Kagan snapped, “Man, my shares are all wrapped up in mutual funds like most people, I don’t fucking know what those assholes are doing.”

“So we do have to protect idiots from themselves?” Justice Roberts quipped.

Justice Ginsburg, joining Breyer in a game of softball, asked, “It’s not like unions, am I right?”

She was referring to Abood v. Detroit Board of Education. The Court ruled that it’s a violation of the First Amendment to force union members to pay for speech they don’t agree with. If that happens, they can ask for that money back. They are only required to pay for fees the union uses to do its business, not advance political causes.

But then she threw a curveball and asked, “Should we remove unions from BCRA?”

Kagan was like, “Whoa, let’s not get crazy! Unions could still engage in some quid pro quo corruption shit. We’re not just worried about distortion and misrepresentation.”

As Kagan’s time was coming to an end, Justice Ginsburg decided she still had questions. She wanted to know about media such as books and print ads, which are also potentially problematic in BCRA, even though they’re not at issue here.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg – Associate Justice of the United States Supreme Court
Served: 1993-2020
Lived: 1933-2020

Kagan, hoping to avoid the whole “banning books” problem all over again, was like, “In 60 years, we haven’t fucked with books, and we’re not gonna start now.”

Justice Scalia was having none of it. He asked:

What happened to the overbreadth doctrine?

I mean, I thought our doctrine in the Fourth Amendment is if you write it too broadly, we are not going to pare it back to the point where it’s constitutional.

If it’s overbroad, it’s invalid.

What happened to that?

Kagan hit back, “Listen, you old prick, we’ve never applied it to books. You could take that shit off—we won’t care—it won’t affect a goddamn thing we’re concerned about. You don’t need to eighty-six a good fucking law because of one little issue. Congress worked hard on that shit.”

Justice Roberts, also not having it, replied:

But we don’t put our First Amendment rights in the hands of FEC bureaucrats.

And if you say that you are not going to apply it to a book, what about a pamphlet?

Kagan, apparently now completely in “fuck it” mode, was like, “Pamphlets are classic electioneering, chief. That’s a different animal.”

Justice Scalia, not done with this argument yet, snapped back:

So you’re a lawyer advising somebody who is about to come up with a book and you say don’t worry, the FEC has never tried to send somebody to prison for this.

This statute covers it, but don’t worry, the FEC has never done it.

That going to comfort your client?

I don’t think so.

With that, Kagan’s time in the hot seat mercifully ended.


Last to argue was Seth P. Waxman in support of the FEC.

He quoted an old court opinion from United States v. Auto Workers (1956), about the Taft-Hartley Act from 1947, which BCRA built on, that said:

What is involved here is the integrity of our electoral process and not less the responsibility of the individual citizen for the successful functioning of that process.

He was invoking what he considered one of the most powerful compelling interests possible: protecting the integrity of elections.

Justice Roberts was like, “As I understand it, no one enforced that fucking law, because they knew it was a classic First Amendment violation, and they wanted to avoid us striking it down.”

Waxman, deciding that a citation from 80 fucking years ago wasn’t old enough, dug up a quote from over a century ago by highly revered Senator Elihu Root, who asked Congress to enact legislation that would address:

A constantly growing evil which has done more to shake the confidence of plain people of small means of this country in our political institutions than any practice which has ever obtained since the founding of our government.

Kennedy was like, “Good quote, but he was talking about contributions, not expenditures, and we all fucking know it.”

Anthony Kennedy – Associate Justice: Supreme Court of the United States
Served: 1988-2018

Waxman responded, “There’s no real difference in this example. Corporations are using their great aggregations of wealth to influence elections. That’s the problem—whether they give money or spend money is irrelevant.”

Justice Scalia pushed back:

Great aggregations of wealth.

The amicus brief by the Chamber of Commerce points out that 96 percent of its members employ less than 100 people.

These are not aggregations of great wealth.

You’re not talking about the railroad barons and the rapacious trusts of the Elihu Root era; you are talking mainly about small business corporations.

Waxman was undeterred and hammered home the point that the focus was on much larger corporations. But again, he fell into a trap.

Remember, we were in “strict scrutiny” territory here, which means laws should be “narrowly tailored” and “the least restrictive means.”

We can hardly say that was true if the law affected all corporations when the government was saying it was only worried about the 4% of them that are large corporations.

Scalia pointed out that they could have drawn a line that excluded corporations with less than 100 employees, or some shit like that.

Waxman was like, “If some Podunk company wants to challenge it, let them. But these laws have been on the books forever with no challenges of this nature, until now.”

Samuel Alito – Associate Justice of the United States Supreme Court

Justice Kennedy retorted, “Well, TV ads haven’t been around forever, and the history you’re talking about again applies to contributions, not expenditures.”

Justice Alito seemed rather annoyed at how Waxman kept mentioning legislation older than all of them.

Waxman was hoping that they’d accept the idea that an old law means it’s well-tested and accepted, and therefore beyond reproach.

Alito unimpressed with that quipped, “Old-ass laws get challenged for the first time every day. We don’t fucking care how old it is, we’re judging this shit on the merits—not its tenure.”

That was it for Waxman.


At this point, Theodore Olson had a five-minute rebuttal, and he started with how he believed the government kept moving the goalposts. First they could ban books—then they couldn’t.

But Notorious RBG interrupted him on that point, and argued, “The book-banning issue isn’t in play here, so why you bringing that shit up?”

Olson then added, “The government now says they’re willing to back off certain corporations, where before it was ‘No exceptions!'”

Then he said, “They also keep changing the rationale. Is it corruption, shareholder protection, equalization, distortion? Fucking pick a compelling interest already!”

Stephen Breyer – Associate Justice to the Supreme Court of the United States (1994-2022)

Justice Breyer asked, “The state created this artificial person we call corporations, then gave them abilities and capacities—so surely they can take them away.”

Olson responded, “Stop calling me Shirley,” then ended oral arguments with this:

My point is that the government here has an overbroad statute that covers every corporation irrespective of what its stockholders think, irrespective of whether it’s big, and whether it’s general—a big railroad baron or anything like that, and it doesn’t know, as it stands here today two years after this movie was offered for—to the public for its view, what media might be covered, what type of corporation might be covered and what compelling justification or narrow standard would be applied to this form of speech.


In cases like this that are clearly going to be “big fucking deals,” sometimes the court announces its opinion from the bench, where the Justice(s) who write the opinions give a synopsis of their opinion orally, as well as their written opinion—they did so here.

Justice Kennedy was first, announcing the majority opinion.

Anthony Kennedy – Associate Justice: Supreme Court of the United States
Served: 1988-2018

He started by rejecting the notion that this was an objective documentary, as opposed to just a political ad against Hillary Clinton.

Point for the FEC.

Second: Citizens United argued that because this was Video on Demand, delivered one house at a time, it wouldn’t meet the 50,000 or more persons provision for viewership that a normal television program would—it would essentially be one person, over and over again, and each instance would fall 49,999 short.

Kennedy was like, “That’s fucking stupid. One at a time isn’t just one—it can still add up to 50,000, even if they aren’t all viewed at precisely the same time.”

Point two for the FEC.

You might think the FEC is winning, but then his opinion took a quick right turn.

He opined that the difficulties created in interpreting all this shit would lead to a chilling of political speech by companies like Citizens United, who aren’t sure if the rules apply to what they’re doing or not. Political speech is absolutely the speech the First Amendment was designed to protect most.

As such, he announced that McConnell and Austin, which allowed restrictions on corporate political speech, must be “reexamined.”

He then said:

If the First Amendment has any force, it prohibits Congress from fining or jailing citizens or associations of citizens for simply engaging in political speech.

U.S. Constitution: 1st Amendment

Austin in its rationale, however, would allow the Government to ban corporations from expressing political views through any media, including media beyond those presented here and in this case such as by printing books.

Political speech is indispensable to decision making in a democracy and this is no less true because the speech comes from a corporation rather than an individual.

Austin’s rationale would produce the dangerous and unacceptable consequence that Congress could ban political speech of media corporations.

Media corporations are now exempt from 441b’s ban on political speech, but they amass wealth like other business corporations, so under Austin the Government could diminish the voice of a media business.

There is no precedent for permitting this under the First Amendment.

He went on to say:

The Government seeks to use its full power, including the criminal law, to command where a person may get his or her information or what distrusted source he or she may not hear, it uses censorship to control thought.

This is unlawful.

The First Amendment confirms the freedom to think for ourselves.

With that, Austin was overruled.

He then specifically added that with Austin in the shitcan, the ban on corporate independent expenditures was invalid and could not apply to this film.

So this was not just the BCRA 203 FECA amendment which banned electioneering communications, but the original FECA 441b provision which banned express advocacy was annihilated as well.

Big point for Citizens United.

The next point he addressed was the disclosure requirement—the provision in BCRA that requires donors to be outed. Justice Kennedy was like, “An informed electorate is a good thing—the right to free speech doesn’t confer a right to anonymity, so we’ll let that shit slide.”

Another win for the FEC. He left the door open, though, for future cases where one might be able to show that the threat of reprisal for political speech is real and challenge that later. Citizens United didn’t show that to be true for them, so the court wasn’t answering that shit now.


It’s worth noting that because there were many questions before the Court in this case, there was no one opinion answering everything. The justices concurred on certain questions, but then wrote separate opinions on others.

The only other oral opinion given was by Justice Stevens, who concurred in part with the majority, but was the main dissenting opinion.

John Paul Stevens – Justice Supreme Court of the United States
Served: 1975-2010
Lived: 1920-2019

He, along with Ginsburg, Breyer, and Sotomayor agreed that the reporting and disclosing part of BCRA was hunky-dory.

But they thought striking down BCRA 203 prohibiting corporations and unions from using general treasury funds for electioneering speech, and the overruling of Austin and McConnell were some grade-A bullshit.

Justice Stevens was in the majority on the McConnell opinion, so it was fair to say he hadn’t wavered on the belief of his own genius.

Justice Stevens took issue with the Court making such a broad ruling.

Like Kagan who was trying to choose how she was going to lose, he didn’t think they needed to go nearly this far. They could have left the other case law in place, left BCRA largely alone, and just carved out an exception for non-profits, in a much narrower ruling.

Let’s be honest—he was retiring soon. The idea that if they didn’t rule so broadly, there’d be a shit-ton of cases coming to the Court, seeking similar relief, wasn’t going to be his fucking problem.

He went on to lay out what he saw as five flaws with the majority opinion.

John Paul Stevens – Justice Supreme Court of the United States
Served: 1975-2010
Lived: 1920-2019
  1. They said that corporations were banned from political speech, the most protected of speech rights. But he argued this was just a limit on expenditures. He wasn’t wrong, but he wasn’t right, either.
  2. He thought it was bullshit that the First Amendment is absolute for corporations and people alike. He apparently liked the idea that since government created corporations, they were not endowed with inalienable rights like us people.
  3. He really didn’t like this new court shitting all over the previous court’s rulings in Austin and McConnell.

    [Editorial: My less-than-libertarian friends will probably always disagree on this, but the fact is corporations are just an entity made up of people.

    Limiting a corporation’s speech is limiting the speech of the people who own that corporation. That’s inarguable.

    What we’re really fighting about is whether they’re free to use the money the corporation earns to get that speech to more ears than normal. Both arguments have fair points, but I think in a free country, we should err on the side of more freedom, not less.

    You might wonder why an owner doesn’t just pay themselves the money and donate it personally—bypassing the whole corporate treasury problem. The answer is our convoluted tax code. The moment that money becomes personal income, they pay income tax on it before donating.

    Keeping it in the corporate structure is simply cheaper, which is why these rules exist in the first place—to close that tax loophole. A simple tax structure goes a long way to fix this, and many other legal issues that are surprisingly a result of an overcomplicated tax system.]
  4. He disagreed with the idea that the only compelling interest the government has is quid pro quo corruption, which again was not in play here since these were expenditures, not donations. He thought that the court should consider the “distortion” argument as a compelling governmental interest as well.
  5. He took issue with the idea that an enlightened self-government can only arise in the absence of such regulations.

    The majority was hinting that stifling political speech means people who may have wanted to hear that speech, and who would have been moved by it, suddenly wouldn’t get to hear it.

    Therefore, we wouldn’t become a better nation, since we missed out on some great fucking arguments, solely because corporations were making them.

He went on to point out that unlimited corporate speech can drown out the speech of individual citizens because it would have so much more money behind it to do so.

He then closed with this zinger:

While American democracy is still imperfect, few outside the majority of this Court would have thought its flaws included a shortage of corporate money in politics.


Whew, that was a doozy.

The court addressed four formal questions—let’s summarize their answers to those, before we get to the more controversial shit they did as well.

1) Did the Supreme Court’s decision in McConnell v. FEC resolve all constitutional as-applied challenges to BCRA when it upheld the disclosure requirements of the statute as constitutional?

Answer: No, it didn’t

2) Do BCRA’s disclosure requirements impose an unconstitutional burden when applied to electioneering communications because they are protected “political speech” and not subject to regulation as “campaign speech”?

Answer: No, they do not

3) If a communication lacks a clear plea to vote for or against a particular candidate, is it subject to regulation under the BCRA?

Answer: No, it is not

4) Should a feature length documentary about a candidate for political office be treated like the advertisements at issue in McConnell and therefore be subject to regulation under BCRA?

Answer: No, it should not

Now, this is the shit that will be debated for as long as Citizens United is case law. The Court went much further than just answering the questions before them, which was a fundamental part of Stevens’ dissent.

The Court overruled Austin and McConnell on constitutional grounds, and Stevens felt that this was judicial overreach (legislating from the bench), which it arguably is.

But Kennedy believed that if you leave Austin in place and carve out some weird statutory exemption for Citizens United, you’ve basically given them a win that only applies to them. A court ruling should carry broader precedential weight than that—it should apply to similar cases going forward, not just this one weird fucking case.

He clearly felt that if they left Austin in place, other similar cases would drag their asses to SCOTUS and bring up the same constitutional questions, until they finally answered this shit once and for all.

Leaving Austin in place as case law, when they clearly didn’t believe in it any more, meant they generally didn’t want other courts relying on it going forward either—they sure as hell wouldn’t rely on it.

He also felt that the “distortion” rationale from Austin was unconstitutional nonsense. Congress built BCRA on top of “distortion” as their “compelling governmental interest.” But the majority was like, “The First Amendment doesn’t go away because a corporation is more or less influential, man. That’s fucking crazy.”

Now that we’ve gotten through it, I urge you to think about all the arguments and take away one thing above all others. Both sides make pretty strong arguments. Let’s assume they mean well, and are trying to make America a better place as they see it, as opposed to holding some zealous ideological line that assumes the other side is evil.

We certainly all want less corruption in politics, and thus would have good cause to support the FEC’s position here. But we also believe in freedom and don’t want political speech stifled. Congress tried to address the issue fairly—BCRA was bipartisan, after all.

It’s clear that the majority feared the slippery slope of governmental censorship, and many of their arguments addressed what could happen if this law were enforced to extremes.

What I’d ask of every reader is to remember a mantra often echoed in science: “That which can be destroyed by the truth, should be.”

For years, people have said Citizens United created corporate personhood. Let’s shut that shit down right meow.

Nowhere in the majority opinion did that occur—nor the dissent, for that matter.

The opinion was far more nuanced and narrow. An easier way to frame it would be to say this case suggests that the First Amendment protects speech itself, not just the speaker.

Corporations had “rights” for over a hundred years. You couldn’t steal from them, you couldn’t blow them up, you couldn’t violate them in pretty much any way that was illegal if you did it to an actual person.

The second fallacy about this case was that it allowed unlimited corporate money to flow into politics. No the hell it did not.

Remember, this case was about expenditures, not donations. Corporate donations were completely unaffected by this and are still prohibited to this day. Any provisions preventing corporations from greasing palms were left unmolested.

What changed is that corporations were free to put out political messages at their own expense. Since these were independent acts unrelated to the efforts of a politician, where no money exchanged hands, it’s hard to argue it could lead to government corruption. Even the FEC argued it was a distortion issue, not corruption.

I’ll give you the distortion argument all day—that’s real, and a fair argument against this ruling. But the court failed to consider distortion a compelling governmental interest, as required by strict scrutiny when limiting political speech, and I can see that argument. Stifling such speech shouldn’t be taken lightly.

I’ve spoken with a lot of people who have strong opinions about this case, yet know very little about it outside of shit they read on the socials, pundit misinformation, uninformed reporting, or what their idiot uncle Fred read on FreedomEaglePatriot69.com (a most reliable source).

I would suggest everyone find their humility button on these cases. Be open to new information.

Accept that even if you’re a lawyer, you may not fully understand this case unless you took the time to listen to oral arguments and the opinions.

Appreciate that like a significant amount of case law, both sides have fair arguments. If one side was ridiculous, it probably wouldn’t have made it to SCOTUS in the first place.

You can pick who you think should have won, but at least accept the other side wasn’t batshit crazy, and then debate their position with the respect you’d want them to show you.

Hear oral arguments and opinions or read about the case here at Oyez.

The Ninth Amendment Is Far Too Lazy, and What The Hell Is Scrutiny?

The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.

This is the Ninth Amendment to the United States Constitution and unfortunately, it doesn’t do much work. Anyone who’s philosophically pro-liberty should be quite bothered by this.

We talk about freedom a lot in the United States as a core principle of our nation. But legally, it’s hard to say that’s who we really are. Think about these two competing ideologies.

In a non-free country, you don’t have rights unless the government gives them to you.

Conversely, in a free country, everything should be considered your right to do, unless the people’s government has a “compelling interest” in making it illegal. We’ll talk about compelling interest in a bit, because it’s kind of a “thing.”

The duty of government I think most all of us agree on, no matter where we land on the political spectrum, is that our exercise of freedom should end when that exercise harms another. In that case, the government could, and should, restrict that act.

This principle is the essence of the Ninth amendment. Just because we didn’t name other rights in the Constitution, doesn’t mean you don’t have them, and they aren’t equally worthy of Constitutional protections.

There was intense debate when our Constitution was framed as to whether the Bill of Rights should be included, for this very reason. The fear was that naming specific rights might imply that anything not listed wasn’t protected—that the list would be treated as exhaustive. The Ninth Amendment was Madison’s direct response to that concern.

That said, did you know the Ninth is rarely cited in court nor used successfully to protect the people from government oppression as it was intended? Case Law is littered with instances where the First Amendment was used to protect people’s rights, so why not the Ninth? The courts have largely abandoned it.

They put it in the Constitution for a reason—it’s not just there to increase word count. It should do some work, yet it just doesn’t.

In our country, the government can and does restrict your freedoms quite often. Unless you can show that your constitutionally-recognized rights were violated by, and you were harmed by, said law, you likely won’t have standing to go to court and challenge it.

Sidebar: “Standing” just means you essentially have a right to go to court. This matters, because if you weren’t harmed, and just don’t like a law, the court considers this a political issue you should take up with your congressperson.

The courts don’t want someone to be mad Congress passed a law, and try to get the courts to fix it, like when you’re upset your mom says “no,” so you go ask your dad.

Therefore, the Court separates political issues which congress handles, from justiciable issues, which they handle. The difference is generally that if you just don’t like a law, take it up with your congressperson. But if you were harmed by a law and you can show as much, take that to court.

I know we mentioned them earlier, but I should define the term “enumerated rights.” It just means those that are actually laid out in the Constitution by name in the Bill of Rights.

The United States Constitution

This system we have, is arguably not freedom, because it operates as if you have no rights, unless the government gives them to you. That is in direct opposition to principles in the Ninth Amendment and the Constitution itself.

Government overreach wasn’t always as prevalent as it is today. Between 1897 and 1937, an era often called the “Lochner Era,” the courts were more keen to strike down laws that infringed on their laissez-faire attitudes.

It got its name with Lochner v. New York (1905), a case where New York passed the Bakeshop Act, which restricted bakers’ hours. Bakeshops were hot places—air conditioning was invented only three years earlier, and was not something you’d find in a typical bakery at the time. So New York was essentially trying to protect workers from hazards like heat stroke or respiratory illness.

The Court struck the Bakeshop Act down as a 14th Amendment due process violation. They argued that it violated the rights of employees and employers to voluntarily enter into a contract they both agreed to.

In the Lochner Era, the courts struck down several laws as 14th Amendment’s due process violations, but it was very Ninth Amendment adjacent, in that it suggested restricting people’s freedom, mostly economic freedom, was a violation of their rights in general, even if those rights weren’t enumerated. So what happened in 1937?

One tyrannical son-of-a-bitch named Franklin Delano Roosevelt (FDR) was president, and he was trying to reshape America with his “New Deal.” It wasn’t just big government, it was massive government. At the time, as was mentioned, the court make up was a majority of Republican appointees who held laissez-faire capitalism quite near and dear to their hearts, and were striking down laws like Nolan Ryan in his heyday.

Roosevelt, getting sick of being thwarted left and right by the Supreme Court, pitched the Judicial Procedures Reform Bill of 1937, which would pack the Court with additional justices until he had a majority—then use that majority to dismantle the vast case law of his opponents and replace it with New-Deal-friendly precedent.

Franklin Delano Roosevelt – President of the United States
Served: 1933-1945
Lived: 1882-1945

Sound familiar? Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez proposed packing the Court when Biden was president to undo the then Republican-appointee majority’s case law, also.

Many believe that in order to prevent this, Justice Owen Roberts unexpectedly gave FDR a win. Roberts had previously sided with the conservative bloc striking down New Deal legislation, so his vote to uphold minimum wage laws in West Coast Hotel Company v. Parrish came as a surprise.

With the Court appearing to somewhat bend to FDR’s will now, he stopped his efforts to pack the Court. To be fair, such a bill might have failed, but the Court didn’t seem to want to find out.

With all that in mind, let’s talk about scrutiny, a framework created over time by the Supreme Court. They soon understood that occasionally there are situations with competing rights. For instance, freedom of the press can interfere with your right to a fair trial, if the press is poisoning a jury that will be judging you.

When government restricts your constitutional rights, the courts have developed tests to determine whether that restriction is justified. This isn’t statutory law passed by congress. It’s case law that has formed over many cases. So you won’t find this all wrapped up neatly in one previous case. There are currently three of them.

  • Rational Basis
  • Intermediate Scrutiny
  • Strict Scrutiny

Understand that this framework only applies when constitutional rights are at stake. If a case is purely about what a law means or how it should be applied—with no constitutional rights implicated—these tests don’t enter the picture.

The default is Rational Basis. It’s akin to a speed bump. Pretty much everyone can drive over it, but if someone had a broken-down clunker, well…good luck.

Rational Basis has a test with two prongs.

  • Is the law rationally related to achieving that interest?
  • Does the government have a legitimate interest in passing the law?

It largely went unnamed, going back to the 1800s, but it was given a title in United States v. Carolene Products (1938).

This case was about a company that made “filled milk” which is milk with added ingredients, such as fat or oil, other than milk fat. Carolene Products used vegetable oil in their milk, and then sold off the milk fat for use in making butter, and more valuable products.

In response to this practice, Congress passed the Filled Milk Act of 1923, banning interstate shipment of such milk, arguing it was harmful to public health.

It was nonsense. Filled milk was nutritionally comparable to whole milk; the dairy industry simply didn’t want the competition. Carolene Products was selling the valuable milkfat separately for use in butter, then replacing it with cheaper vegetable oil to make the de-fatted milk palatable—and selling the result at near whole-milk prices.

Carolene Products challenged the law, saying it violated their interstate commerce rights, which it arguably did, but the Court decided that the health interests were legitimate, and the law was rationally related to protecting them, allowing the law to stand.

With Rational Basis, the government generally doesn’t even have to name its interest in passing such a law; the courts have often just agreed that if they can conceive of a legitimate interest, that will suffice. The second part is just, “is the law rationally related”—not a large hurdle to jump.

Very few laws have failed Rational Basis, but giving a real-world example helps burn it into your brain, so I’ll give you one.

Obergefell v. Hodges, from 2015, was the landmark case legalizing same-sex marriage. What many don’t know, is two years prior, there was a similar case challenging the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) called United States v. Windsor.

Windsor is somewhat doctrinally contested—Justice Kennedy, who wrote the majority opinion, never explicitly named the standard of review he was applying. But the Court’s reasoning essentially functioned as Rational Basis, and it’s widely discussed in that context.

Anthony Kennedy – Associate Justice: Supreme Court of the United States
Served: 1988-2018

DOMA, as you recall, was a federal statute that defined marriage as a legal union between one man and one woman.

When one partner in a married lesbian couple died, her surviving spouse (Edie Windsor) was forced to pay estate tax because DOMA didn’t recognize her as a legal spouse.

So it was ruled to be a violation of Windsor’s right to equal protection under the law, and the Court’s reasoning, while never explicitly naming a standard of review, essentially applied Rational Basis analysis.

It was a speed bump the Government couldn’t drive over. The Court saw no legitimate reason for government to deny Windsor her rights under equal protection, simply to “defend marriage.”

Edie Windsor

Generally speaking, the harm principle—the idea that your freedom ends where another’s begins — is the philosophical standard I’d argue government should meet. Rational Basis is the legal standard courts actually apply, and it’s considerably more permissive than the harm principle. But even rational basis has its limits, as Windsor shows.

That said, if your law is just discriminating against a certain group without protecting another, courts have held that’s not a legitimate government interest—and therefore such laws fail even the low bar of Rational Basis.

I understand that DOMA was “defending marriage,” but marriage is a thing, not a person. It doesn’t have rights. So DOMA was denying rights to a person who was harming no one.

Make sense?

Next up is Intermediate Scrutiny.

The test for this is as follows

  • The law serves an important government interest — not just legitimate like Rational Basis
  • The law is substantially related to achieving that interest — more than rationally connected like Rational Basis

This standard came about in 1976 in a case called Craig v. Boren—a largely unremarkable dispute where Oklahoma allowed women to buy beer at 18 but required men to wait until 21.

The Court decided that discrimination based on sex or gender deserved more than a Rational Basis rubber stamp, but wasn’t quite serious enough to demand Strict Scrutiny. So they created something in between—Intermediate Scrutiny.

So, Test #1: was there an important government interest?

Yes, it was traffic safety. The law was crafted because the Oklahoma legislature felt men got drunk and drove like idiots more than women. So they were trying to keep the roads safe.

Test #2: was the law substantially related?

On that, the Court said no. There wasn’t strong enough statistical evidence to show that men were substantially more likely to cause an accident when drunk than women. So even though the state had a good reason, the law wasn’t backed by data that established a relation to the interest.

For the record, yes men drive more dangerously at that age than women, but it’s not about alcohol. Young men are just more likely to take risks when driving in general—drunk or sober. Being a man, is the statistical issue, not being drunk, as both are significantly worse drivers when they’ve knocked back a few too many. So the law didn’t solve that. Not to mention, it weirdly only restricted beer consumption, and not other alcoholic drinks, so it arguably didn’t solve much.

Intermediate Scrutiny has since evolved to apply in other cases besides gender discrimination, such as content-neutral speech restrictions. Content neutral just means situations where government restrict when or where you can speak, not what you can say.

Last up is Strict Scrutiny—arguably the most talked about, because it usually involves controversial rights restrictions.

The test for that is currently:

  • The law serves a compelling governmental interest
  • The law is narrowly tailored to achieve that interest
  • It uses the least restrictive means available to achieve it

Strict Scrutiny applies when:

  • Fundamental rights are involved, like voting, privacy, free speech, etc.
  • Suspect classification, such as by race or national origin
  • Content-based speech restrictions—meaning laws targeting what you’re actually saying, like banning certain viewpoints or subjects entirely, rather than just regulating when or where you speak

Even though these three scrutiny classifications exist as a framework, they weren’t created at the same time. We mentioned Carolene Products, in 1938, and Craig v. Boren in 1976.

But Strict Scrutiny was built over time. The first seed was created via dicta in the majority opinion of Carolene Products.

Sidebar: Dicta is text in a court opinion that isn’t strictly binding because it goes beyond what was necessary to decide the case—but it isn’t throwaway either. Justices often use dicta deliberately to signal where the law might go in future cases.

Harlan Fiske Stone – Associate/Chief Justice: Supreme Court of the United States
Associate: 1925-1941
Chief: 1941-1946
Lived: 1872-1946

Justice Harlan Fiske Stone, who wrote that majority opinion, said:

There may be narrower scope for operation of the presumption of constitutionality when legislation appears on its face to be within a specific prohibition of the Constitution, such as those of the first ten amendments, which are deemed equally specific when held to be embraced within the Fourteenth.

What he’s saying is, the Court would let this fly under Rational Basis, because there wasn’t any serious denial of enumerated constitutional rights here. But if government were to attack those rights, the Court may have to consider a test stronger than Rational Basis.

And so they did.

Shortly after, in 1944, SCOTUS decided Korematsu v. United States.

You might recall this little skirmish named World War II?

In the wake of Pearl Harbor—’a day that will live in infamy’—one tyrannical son-of-a-bitch named Franklin Delano Roosevelt (again with this fucking guy) signed Executive Order (EO) 9066 in 1942, forcing Japanese-Americans into internment camps.

If you know anything about EO’s, you know they are orders from the president to employees of the executive branch. So how could FDR direct private citizens like Japanese-Americans to go to these camps?

Well FDR, that tyrannical son-of-a-bitch, and his congressional enablers then passed Public Law 503, which provided criminal penalties for violating military orders issued under EO 9066. Astounding how little respect FDR had for the Constitution.

In this case, Fred Korematsu, a Japanese-American citizen, refused to leave his home and report to an internment camp. He was arrested and convicted of violating the military exclusion order and Public Law 503.

Fred Korematsu

He challenged his conviction, and fought his case all the way to the Supreme Court, but sadly he lost. It was a dark time in America.

In 1983, Korematsu’s conviction was thrown out, when it was shown the government suppressed evidence in the case, and in 1998 then President Clinton awarded him the Presidential Medal of Freedom.

In that case however, Justice Hugo Black wrote the majority opinion in Korematsu. He said:

It should be noted, to begin with, that all legal restrictions which curtail the civil rights of a single racial group are immediately suspect. That is not to say that all such restrictions are unconstitutional. It is to say that courts must subject them to the most rigid scrutiny. Pressing public necessity may sometimes justify the existence of such restrictions; racial antagonism never can.

You’ll notice he said “most rigid scrutiny,” not “Strict Scrutiny.” So that term came later, but again, Strict Scrutiny was built over time, and this was another step on the Strict Scrutiny ladder.

This established that race alone can never justify a law—any racial classification demands the most searching judicial review, and mere racial antagonism can never satisfy it. You can’t just make law against a certain group of people because you don’t like them. You have to have a compelling reason that goes well beyond mere dislike or antagonism.

Unfortunately for Korematsu, this didn’t translate to a win.

Hugo Black – Associate Justice Supreme Court of the United States
Served: 1937-1971
Lived: 1886-1971

The Court ruled that because of the war we were in, the government had a compelling interest to detain Japanese Americans, as they were feared to be spies or operatives.

So they upheld his conviction, because it wasn’t just about racial animus, it was about a real belief that people like Korematsu might be working for the enemy, even though we now know, that was absolute nonsense.

Another case worth mentioning, from 1942, was Skinner v. Oklahoma. The Court addressed Oklahoma’s Criminal Sterilization Act of 1935, which allowed the state to forcibly sterilize people convicted of two or more felonies involving moral turpitude—though notably not all felonies qualified, a distinction that would prove legally significant.

Representing a unanimous Court, Justice William O. Douglas wrote:

Marriage and procreation are fundamental to the very existence and survival of the race. The power to sterilize, if exercised, may have subtle, far-reaching and devastating effects. In evil or reckless hands, it can cause races or types which are inimical to the dominant group to wither and disappear. There is no redemption for the individual whom the law touches. Any experiment which the State conducts is to his irreparable injury. He is forever deprived of a basic liberty. We mention these matters not to reexamine the scope of the police power of the States. We advert to them merely in emphasis of our view that strict scrutiny of the classification which a State makes in a sterilization law is essential, lest unwittingly, or otherwise, invidious discriminations are made against groups or types of individuals in violation of the constitutional guaranty of just and equal laws.

In this case, Skinner won, where Korematsu did not. The Court found that Oklahoma’s sterilization law failed Strict Scrutiny because the state couldn’t demonstrate a compelling interest in sterilizing some felons but not others—the arbitrary distinction between which crimes qualified revealed the classification had no legitimate justification, let alone a compelling one.

William Douglas – Associate Justice Supreme Court of the United States
Served: 1939-1975
Lived: 1898-1980

It’s worth pausing here to note a semi-related and ugly part of American jurisprudence. 15 years before Skinner, in a case called Buck v. Bell, the Court took a very different and ugly tone.

Carrie Buck was a young woman who had been raped by a cousin and was institutionalized by her family to hide the shame.

There was likely no psychological condition she suffered from. She was just a young girl who had been victimized, not only by a rapist, but then by her immediate family, who unfairly stigmatized her and sent her away.

At the time she was officially called, “Feeble-minded.” Today, it isn’t a recognized medical condition, but back then, it was a catch-all phrase to describe people who were intellectually challenged, or sometimes, such as in Buck’s case, people that nefarious actors just wanted to marginalize.

Buck’s “feeble mind” was a condition that authorities said had been present in her family for three generations.

A Virginia law at the time allowed for sterilization of inmates, or other institutionalized people, ostensibly to promote the “health of the patient or welfare of society.”

This time, the question of whether sterilization violates due process and equal protection was answered in a way that should make your skin crawl. In the majority opinion, famous (or infamous) justice Oliver Wendell Holmes wrote:

Oliver Wendell Holmes – Associate Justice Supreme Court of the United States
Served: 1902-1932
Lived: 1841-1935

Three generations of imbeciles are enough.

Yes, he really said that in a Supreme Court opinion to justify sterilizing a young woman who’s only real crime was being victimized.

If thats not bad enough for you, consider this—Nazi Germany’s eugenics program drew direct inspiration from American eugenics laws like this, and their legal scholars cited Buck v. Bell approvingly as validation for their own racial hygiene policies.

When Americans criticized Nazi eugenics, German officials pointed right back at us and said, essentially, “you’re doing this too.”

They weren’t wrong.

Holmes’ “three generations of imbeciles” line was well known to Nazi eugenicists and cited in their literature. The United States Supreme Court had blessed compulsory sterilization, and Hitler’s government was happy to use that fact as a shield against American moral criticism.

This is possibly one of the most disgusting passages ever penned by someone on our highest court. Along with Chief Justice Roger Taney’s opinion in Dred Scott v. Sanford (1857), a case about a free black man who’d been enslaved and was challenging that, where Justice Taney wrote:

They had for more than a century before been regarded as beings of an inferior order, and altogether unfit to associate with the white race either in social or political relations, and so far inferior that they had no rights which the white man was bound to respect, and that the negro might justly and lawfully be reduced to slavery for his benefit.

Roger Taney – Chief Justice Supreme Court of the United States
Served: 1836-1864
Lived: 1777-1864

Both are reminders of why robust judicial scrutiny of laws targeting vulnerable groups matters.

Back to Skinner.

Over the next few decades the three prongs of Strict Scrutiny solidified into the framework we use today—imperfect, judge-made, and still debated, but the strongest tool available for protecting your rights against government overreach.

This brings us back to where we started—the Ninth Amendment, and what it could still become.

So how does this help you, or why should you care?

With this knowledge, if your rights are being violated, you might understand how you could attack those violations in court, using the Constitution and scrutiny as your wingman.

And if you’re motivated enough about protecting all our rights, not just the enumerated ones, YOU might be the person to get the Ninth Amendment involved in more case law—giving those unenumerated rights the legal force they were always promised.

Just because the Ninth doesn’t do much work now doesn’t mean it can’t. The text of the Ninth suggests it could do more heavy lifting than the other nine in the Bill of Rights combined.

So let’s start putting it to work.

Average Joe SCOTUS: Learning Resources, Inc. v. Trump


The Facts of the Case

In case you’ve been under a rock, we have this president who loves tariffs. I don’t mean he thinks they’re good. I mean, he is actively trying to figure out how he could stick his Anthony Wiener in tariffs and make little orange tariff babies—it’s unsettling.

We’ll skip over any economics lessons, other than to say, many reputable economists agree that tariffs are stupid, which should infer that the people supporting them are stupid.

Here’s the issue, tariffs are a tax on goods, under another name. The only thing making them different is unlike a sales tax that applies to everything except tax exempt stuff, and are applied at the point of sale, tariffs only apply to foreign goods, and the tax is applied at the point of import.

Tax Man Max from Schoolhouse Rock

With that in mind, I’ll take you back to grade school government. Who has the power to levy taxes? Not the fucking president, that’s who. There’s this group of 535 assholes (subject to change) we call congress—that’s their bag, baby.

Despite the fact that the GOP control the Senate and the House of Representatives, Trump refuses to work to get congress to enact such tariffs—he’s decided he must do it himself by fiat.

This is probably because a few Republicans understand economics and won’t support tariffs. Thus, it’s likely Trump doesn’t REALLY have the votes. So, if he lost in congress, he’d look like the loser that he is.

Trump, not certain whether he’s a fucking king or not, decided to figure out if there was some law, any law, that would give him the power to impose tariffs at will, and he fell on The International Emergency Economic Powers Act (IEEPA).

This law essentially says, if the president declares there to be an emergency, he has certain powers to deal with that emergency. The phrase in the statute he relies on to impose tariffs says:

The President may regulate importation or exportation of any property in which any foreign country or a national thereof has any interest.

Trump decided that because some countries sell more to us than we do to them (a trade deficit), this trade deficit is an economic emergency, and therefore, he can invoke IEEPA to impose tariffs in order to balance that deficit out.

Donald Trump Official Portrait

I won’t go into how stupid this is, but suffice it to say, I have a trade deficit with Walmart. Not because they’re taking advantage of me and creating an emergency, they just have more things I want from them, than they want from me.

This is a global economy, and trade deficits are a natural part of it. They’re certainly not a fucking emergency. Not to mention, this was often done because someone from that country annoyed him. To argue he was somehow methodical and precise in this, would be ridiculous.

So, anyway, the folks at Learning Resources, Inc. buy some shit to sell here in the US that comes from lands far far away, and Trump’s tariffs are making it hard for them to stay profitable. So they dusted off their copy of IEEPA, and were like, “I don’t see the word tariff in this mother fucker anywhere.”

And with that, they decided to challenge our Tariffer-In-Chief for enacting tariffs they believe he does not have the power to enact. They argue that the major questions doctrine (remember that from cases like Loper Bright?) should certainly apply here—that these tariffs affect a shit ton of folks, and it’s a power the president wasn’t explicitly given. Therefore, fuck that asshole.

As per usual, a lower court decided against Trump. Also, as per usual, Trump got his wittle feewings hurt, and appealed. I told you, he really wants to have a little orange tariff baby—he ain’t fucking around.

So off we go to SCOTUS, and to see if they’ll give him an unearned victory.


The Arguments: Team Trump

First up, we have the tender strains of John “Gravel Voice” Sauer. I don’t mean to pick on the guy, but I think him and RFK Jr. went to the same vocal coach.

John Sauer

Mr. Chief Justice, and may it please the Court: On April 2, President Trump determined that our exploding trade deficits had brought us to the brink of an economic and national security catastrophe. He further pronounced that the traffic of fentanyl and other opioids into our country has created a public health crisis, taking hundreds of thousands of American lives. President Trump has declared that these emergencies are country-killing and not sustainable, that they threaten the bedrock of our national and economic security, and that fixing them will make America strong, financially viable, and a respected country again.

Counsel John Sauer

Due to IEEPA tariffs, President Trump has negotiated agreements worth trillions of dollars with major trading partners, including most recently China. Unwinding those agreements, he warns, would expose us to ruthless trade retaliation by far more aggressive countries and drive America from strength to failure, with ruinous economic and national security consequences. In Dames & Moore against Reagan, this Court held that IEEPA’s sweeping and unqualified language grants the President’s actions the strongest presumption of validity and the widest latitude of judicial interpretation. Yet plaintiffs argue that tariffs, IEEPA’s least blunt and most nimble tool, are virtually the only tool that Congress did not grant the President to deal with foreign emergencies. That is wrong. The phrase “regulate importation” plainly embraces tariffs, which are among the most traditional and direct methods of regulating importation. And plaintiffs concede that IEEPA authorizes quotas and other tariff equivalents. The major questions doctrine does not apply here. IEEPA confers major powers to address major problems on the President, who is perhaps the most major actor in the realm of foreign affairs. And the nondelegation doctrine casts no doubt on IEEPA because Congress may assign the President broad authority regarding the conduct of foreign affairs, where he enjoys his own inherent Article II powers. I welcome the Court’s questions.

So he begins with a “ends justify the means” statement. That’s not how any of this works, when it comes to presidential powers.

Then, his tactic is to argue some perceived success of Trump’s tariffs, as if that’s justification. He’s taking a marketing approach to lawyering. Novel, but seems stupid.

Anyway…Sauer picks a tenuous argument that somehow, IEEPA giving the president the power to regulate importation should be meant to include tariffs. This is a stretch, but we’ve been here before with Sauer and Trump in the presidential immunity case, where I thought his arguments looked like trash, and yet that fucker won.

It’s worth noting, he used a pretty logically fallacious argument, saying that somehow the other side is saying that the only tool not available to Trump is tariffs. They absolutely did not say that. Quite the strawman he built there.

He also argues somehow that tariffs are the least harmful way to regulate trade, as opposed to bans or embargos. But that’s also just him giving an unsubstantiated opinion.

There are an infinite number of ideas the Trumpster Fire could have come up with to regulate trade. That’s how new ideas work. Most of them were potentially open to him. So the idea that tariffs were the only tool, is absolutely ridiculous. Even if Trump isn’t exactly a creative genius, he has people around him who could have come up with something new.

Justice Thomas the elder chimed in and asked how the major questions doctrine doesn’t apply here.

Associate Justice Clarence Thomas

He first started by arguing that congress certainly inferred a president to have some major authority on certain issues, apparently setting the stage for why they inferred this major issue to him.

This SCOTUS has almost always struck shit down for “major questions doctrine” reasons in the past. So Sauer attempting to short circuit that philosophy seems ill advised.

He then went on to say that congress infers such major powers, but “keeps an eye on that shit” just in case.

He argued some how, The Constitution’s Article II powers over foreign affairs often give him such massive authority.

What the fuck? Is he stoned?

Before he could get to his next point, Justice Kagan chimed in and was like, “Bro, do you have a single example here? Taxation is an Article I power delegated to Congress, and tariffs are part of that shit. So what article II power is so fucking huge, that you think it justifies him taking Article I powers away from Congress? Are you fucking mad?”

He tried to argue that if shit were all cool and the gang with these foreign entities we trade with, IEEPA wouldn’t apply. But somehow because Trump decided trade deficits were an emergency, he can then use said declaration to do something about that shit, because he has constitutional authority over foreign affairs.

Ballsy!

He went on to say, and I’m not making this shit up…

 We don’t contend that what’s being exercised here is the power to tax. It’s the power to regulate foreign commerce. These are regulatory tariffs. They are not revenue-raising tariffs. The fact that they raise revenue is only incidental.

I don’t even know what the fuck to do with that. It’s like he’s counting on the court having never listened to a fucking Trump speech where he talks ad nauseum about how tariffs would make us so much money. He even floated the idea of giving people huge tariff checks, because we’d get so much money. Remember that? I do.

Sauer has balls the size of Jupiter to look at these nine justices dead in the eye, and bold-faced bullshit them.

Justice Sotomayor, wholly unimpressed with Sauer’s argument, chimed in with what is essentially, “Are you fucking nuts?” The power to tax resides with congress. So you argue tariffs are not a tax to circumvent that. But clearly, it’s a fucking tax. It raises revenue for the government, for fuck’s sake.

She then went on to questions his “it’s regulatory” claim. She’s like, “You’re raising revenue, man. If you wanted to limit goods coming from China, you just fucking limit them with quotas or an embargo. Your dumb fucking boss is the one who decided to make revenue off of it.”

Official Portrait of United States Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor
Click for Biography

She also blasted Sauer on the notion that somehow the president just arbitrarily deciding something is an emergency doesn’t all of a sudden give him new powers to enact sweeping taxes. Otherwise, every fucking president would be doing that shit.

Sauer, answering the major questions doctrine point first, somehow felt his iron clad defense was that the court had never applied the major questions doctrine to foreign policy. That’s it. That’s his brilliant fucking response. We’re talking about a tax, which he know kills his whole claim, so he’s trying his level best to reframe it as a foreign policy issue.

Sotomayor decided to hit him with the ole hypothetical. She’s like, “So Biden could have just declared that student loan debt was an emergency, and then slapped a tariff on foreign oil to pay for it? He’s declared an emergency, and it would have went against foreign goods?

Sauer stammered a bit without getting to an answer before Sotomayor, still like a dog with a bone, was like, “I can point to at least 16 fucking laws here where congress wrote in the word tariff or tax into a law when they wanted that to be an option. But they didn’t in IEEPA. So what logic do you have to suggest that they inferred it here when they didn’t explicitly write it in.”

Sauer pointed to a different case (Algonquin) where the court allowed then president Gerald Ford to set licensing fees on foreign goods if the secretary of the treasury argued that a country was importing so much of something that it created a national security issue. This relied on section 232(b) of the Trade Expansion Act of 1974 (TEA). They were concerned about oil imports, specifically.

38th President of the United States – Gerald Ford

But the Algonquin opinion was a narrow ruling, and they even stated that allowing this specific thing shouldn’t lead future courts to give license to the president to do similar shit.

They allowed this because the specific law in question delegated quite specifically, the power to the president to regulate the import of these goods, which they felt must include tariffs, licenses, etc.

Frankly, this is so far the only good argument I’ve heard from Sauer, and it’s still a little sketchy because the court literally said they should not consider this ruling to allow broader presidential authority, which is exactly what Sauer is doing here.

Also worth noting, the Trade Expansion Act of 1962 (TEA) they’re citing, during peacetime, requires the Secretary of Commerce to do a formal investigation and show a national security risk, before the president can impose fees on those goods.

Trump has used this law to put tariffs on steel, aluminum, and oil before, so he has relied on it as well as IEEPA he’s using now. However, many of the tariffs Trump has imposed are political in nature, and therefore wouldn’t fall under TEA, if you were wondering.

Justice Jackson took issue with Sauer wanting to compare the Trading With The Enemy Act (TWEA)’s interpretation to IEEPA.

Associate Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson

Congress enacted this legislation (IEEPA) with the intent of preventing the President from having unlimited powers in this area, and you’re asking us to now interpret that statute consistent with an understanding that Congress wanted to allow the President to do pretty much whatever he wanted in this area.

You see, TWEA was passed in 1917—WW1 times, but as time went on, congress felt it gave the president too much power. So IEEPA, passed in 1977, was meant to restrain some of that, and better define what the president could and could not do during an economic emergency.

Sauer argued that the phrase “regulate importation” must carry with it, the power to impose tariffs. He also places a lot of weight that the duty is due “at the border” as if to say, it’s not a tax on the people, because it occurs at the border, not within the border. Hint: That’s not a thing.

Justice Barrett was next to hit Sauer with a question. She kept it simple. She asked:

General Sauer, can I just ask you a question? Can you point to any other place in the Code or any other time in history where that phrase together, “regulate importation,” has been used to confer tariff -imposing authority?

Associate Justice Amy Coney Barrett

Sauer really stumbled on this one, as he could only cite the court’s rulings on Algonquin, and similar instances, but not where Congress specifically conferred this power with the “regulate importation” text.

After citing precedents several times, even Sotomayor had had enough, and point blank asked him:

Could you just answer the Justice’s question?

But all he had was unrelated precedents. He kept arguing that foreign tariffs are regulating imports, as if somehow he can’t believe they don’t understand that.

Again, IEEPA (1977) amended TWEA (1917). As you might imagine from the name, this was about a president, during war time, being able to ban imports from someone who’s our enemy. But then in 1933, FDR got it amended to broaden it from “only during war time” to “during any national emergency.” Let’s just say, presidents abused that shit, so IEEPA was formed to reign it back in. This was what Justice Jackson was complaining about above.

So congress did a little “copy and paste” shit with TWEA to IEEPA. To that point, counsel Sauer argued:

Let me put it this way: You look at all nine verbs together and you’re looking at a spectrum of powers from the most sort of negative, “nullify,” “block,” “prohibit,” “void,” to the most affirmative, “direct,” “compel,” and then also powers in between that are more intermediate, “regulate,” “investigate,” and so forth. So the natural common -sense inference from that grammatical structure is the intention of Congress to sort of cover the waterfront.

So his argument is that because congress used that same language in IEEPA, surely they still meant for the president to be able to impose tariffs, and with all the negative, position, and ambiguous words, he can’t see how tariffs aren’t just a part of that.

But in response to this, Justice Kagan said:

Well, possible, General, possible, except Congress did take out a whole bunch of verbs. It took out “confiscate,” “vest,” “hold,” “use,” “administer,” “liquidate,” “sell,” which were in the prior statute. And crucially, what it doesn’t have here is anything that refers to raising revenue. So it has a lot of verbs. It has a lot of actions that can be taken under this statute. It just doesn’t have the one you want.

Justice Sotomayor chimed in with:

Official Portrait of United States Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor
Click for Biography

I’m sorry, counsel, it doesn’t say “regulate tariffs.” It says “regulate importations and exportations.” You agree that they can’t put tariffs or taxes on exportations constitutionally?

He agreed.

So she was like, “Then why the fuck should we assume it means to confer the power to tariff imports?”

Again, his only argument is that regulating imports must include the power to tariff.

Sotomayor, still skeptical asked:

 Why is it that Congress has always used “regulate” and “tax” together in the Code? Are you telling us that with respect to its use of “regulate” in other statutes, the taxing reference is superfluous? They didn’t need to do that?

His argument was that going back to TWEA and it’s power to tariff, there’s pedigree here.

But IEEPA replaced TWEA because TWEA was being abused. They were literally reigning in presidential power. So by what logic would such a huge power like tariffs somehow be casually left in place, even though they didn’t put that language in there?

Justice Roberts really hammered Sauer on the idea that tariffs are taxes, and it seems pretty sketch that congress just gave that away to the president, when IEEPA was intended to reign in presidents.

And all this is somehow based on the idea that imposing tariffs is the main way of regulating imports? It’s just not. There’s embargos, quotas, product bans, and any new shit the president could think up. Sauer’s argument that tariffs is the only way, is pretty ridiculous.

Then justice Roberts points out that Trump even suggested the tariffs will be used to reduce the deficit. So clearly, it’s revenue-raising, as opposed to regulatory.

Chief Justice John Roberts

Sauer argued that revenue raising was just “incidental.” That the goal, is to get people to stop buying foreign goods and only buy American. In that case, no revenue would be raised, making these tariffs regulatory.

Justice Sotomayor jumped in and asked, “if that’s your fucking goal, then why the fuck didn’t that orange prick just bar importations altogether. If that’s his fucking goal, embargos and bans are much more effective than tariffs. It literally fixes the problem overnight.”

Justice Jackson then pointed out that TWEA, via a senate report, explained that it was trying to control or freeze property transactions where a foreign interest was involved. It didn’t say a fucking thing about raising revenue. She also points out that this was a wartime provision, to prevent trading with an enemy country. How the fuck then, does this justify tariffs on our friends?

Sauer again reiterated it wasn’t about raising revenue, even though that’s all Trump talks about it being for. Then went on to say, that quotas are basically the same as tariffs, which they’re certainly fucking not. I think his tactic of assuming the justices are morons isn’t going to favor him here.

If I may riff on this a bit. He keeps arguing quotas were part of the language, and they're similar to tariffs, so he doesn't see the harm. This is stupid. quotas just limit amounts of goods that can come in. Tariffs add taxes to goods that are paid by the American people. The idea that Sauer and other Trump cronies refuse to acknowledge that, is insultingly stupid.

Up to now, most of the arguments were statutory. Meaning, does the IEEPA statute give the president the power to enact tariffs?

But justice Kagan then moved on to a constitutional question about whether congress can delegate it’s power to tax to congress.

Associate Justice Elena Kagan

This is sometimes referred to as the nondelegation doctrine. A philosophic principle that basically says congress cannot give away it’s powers to the president, without clear guidelines.

Sauer and Kagan had quite the lengthy exchange here, but ultimately he relies on the idea that this is merely about foreign affairs, not taxation. Again, hitting the ole, “It’s a regulatory tariff, not a tax” argument.

Next up was Justice Gorsuch. I’m just gonna say this now, I think he takes the major questions doctrine, and the nondelegation doctrine pretty damn seriously. He launched into a very polite tirade, which included this…

What would prohibit Congress from just abdicating all responsibility to regulate foreign commerce, for that matter, declare war, to the President?

Sauer responded that he didn’t think they could do that, and Gorsuch literally just responded, “Why not?”

He’s not wrong. That’s kinda Sauer’s argument.

Sauer tried to go back to IEEPA and it’s “limitations” which are kinda a joke. He’s talking about how the president has to declare an emergency first, and shit like that. But the executive branch controls that, so there’s no real guardrails on that shit. The president can just call it an emergency for whatever reason they want, and they’re off to the races. There’s no limits on how much he could tariff, as evidenced by his 100%+ tariffs he hammered on some countries, nor is there a limit to how long the tariffs can be in place, in IEEPA, remember, tariffs aren’t mentioned at all.

So it’s a pretty ridiculous argument from Sauer, which he also made with Justice Sotomayor, who pointed out that there’s nothing really stopping the president from declaring an emergency.

But Gorsuch nipped that shit in the bud. He responded…

I’m not asking about the statute. General. I’m asking for your theory of the Constitution and why the major questions and nondelegation, what bite it would have in that case.

He wants to know if congress has that right to delegate such power at all in any statute. This is a swing for the fences on the nondelegation clause, which basically says Congress can’t delegate it’s constitutional powers at all.

Gorsuch then asked:

You’re saying there’s inherent authority in foreign affairs, all foreign affairs, so regulate commerce, duties, tariffs, and war. It’s inherent authority all the way down, you say. Fine. Congress decides tomorrow, well, we’re tired of this legislating business. We’re just going to hand it all off to the President. What would stop Congress from doing that?

Associate Justice Neil Gorsuch

Counsel Sauer argued that this would be too far. That congress can delegate within certain parameters, they can’t just give it away entirely.

Gorsuch then asked:

Okay. You emphasize that Congress can always take back its powers. You mentioned that a couple of times. But don’t we have a serious retrieval problem here because, once Congress delegates by a bare majority and the President signs it—and, of course, every president will sign a law that gives him more authority—Congress can’t take that back without a super majority. And even—you know, even then, it’s going to be veto-proof. What president’s ever going to give that power back? A pretty rare president. So how should that inform our view of delegations and major questions?

The reason justice Gorsuch argues they’d need a super majority, is because presidents love power. Any attempt to change the law, even if it passed the house and senate, would likely get vetoed by any president who wanted to exploit it. So there would then need a super majority to overcome a presidential veto if congress tried to take back some of IEEPA’s delegated powers.

Gorsuch is playing 3D chess over here.

Sauer conceded this point, but essentially argued it’s not impossible. Especially if the sitting president agrees with the change they’re trying to make, even at the expense of their own power. He cites in 2023 where congress ended the 2020 declaration from Trump that COVID was an emergency, and Biden signed it.

It’s not a horrid example, but it’s not a great one, either. COVID was no longer a pandemic, and if Biden had tried to exercise some huge authority to combat COVID at that point, it would have been political suicide. So no reason not to let that one go, from Biden’s perspective.

Gorsuch snuck in another principle on him when he asked if all tariffs were foreign affairs. I think the heart of this question is to determine if there’s some conflict between a president’s job in foreign affairs versus congress’ job in levying taxes.

Associate Justice Neil Gorsuch

Sauer agreed they largely are, while arguing that there’s a spectrum, so to speak, and that regulatory tariffs are more foreign affairs related, and revenue raising tariffs are more domestic policy, and that was the end of that.

Justice Kavanaugh wanted to know, why haven’t any other previous presidents, since IEEPA was enacted, used it for tariffs.

Counsel Sauer said they reviewed 69 emergencies. (Side note: I think Sauer just had a prop bet with his buddies at the firm to see if he could sneak in saying 69 during oral arguments.) None of them were really the kind of emergency a tariff would solve, in his estimation, as opposed to this trade deficit “emergency,” which seems well-suited for tariffs.

Justice Barrett asked Sauer to elaborate on Gorsuch’s question about getting power back. You see, the 2023 example was a case where COVID was clearly no longer an emergency, so Biden had no reason to continue it.

But in this case, Barrett is saying, if we had a president who was relying on IEEPA like President Trump is, surely you understand congress could never get him to sign a law banning him from using it the way he wants to use it, right?

He largely seemed to not want to argue against this, without conceding, since it doesn’t help him.

Then justice Barrett asked about why Trump needed to attach so many tariffs to so many countries, including many who are our friends like Spain and France.

Associate Justice Amy Coney Barrett

He answered by saying they’re so broad, because the emergency is so broad. He didn’t cite any data to support this, I guess we’re just supposed to take Trump’s word on it.

The Arguments: The Petitioners – Learning Resources Inc. (and other Private Parties)

Up next is Counsel Neal Kumar Katyal, who opened with this.

Thank you, Mr. Chief Justice, and may it please the Court: Tariffs are taxes. They take dollars from Americans’ pockets and deposit them in the U.S. Treasury. Our founders gave that taxing power to Congress alone. Yet, here, the President bypassed Congress and imposed one of the largest tax increases in our lifetimes.

Many doctrines explain why this is illegal, like the presumption that Congress speaks clearly when it imposes taxes and duties and the major questions doctrine.

But it comes down to common sense.

It’s simply implausible that in enacting IEEPA Congress handed the President the power to overhaul the entire tariff system and the American economy in the process, allowing him to set and reset tariffs on any and every product from any and every country at any and all times.

And, as Justices Gorsuch and Barrett just said, this is a one-way ratchet. We will never get this power back if the government wins this case. What president wouldn’t veto legislation to rein this power in and pull out the tariff power?

IEEPA is a sanction statute. It’s not a tax statute where Congress gave away the store. Congress knows exactly how to delegate its tariff powers. Every time for 238 years, it’s done so explicitly, always with real limits.

IEEPA looks nothing like those laws. It uses “regulate,” which Congress has used hundreds of times, never once to include tariffs. And it lacks the limits of every other tariff statute. And that is why, even though presidents have used IEEPA to impose economic sanctions thousands of times, no president in IEEPA’s 50-year lifetime has ever tried to impose tariffs.

Neal Kumar Katyal

And the President bypassed statutes that do address tariffs, like Section 122 for large and serious trade deficits, but that imposes a clear guardrail, 15 percent cap, 150-day limit. This is Youngstown at its lowest ebb. If the government wins, another president could declare a climate emergency and impose huge tariffs without fines without floors or ceilings, as Justice Gorsuch said. My friend’s answer?

This administration would declare it a hoax. The next president may not quite say that. This is an open-ended power to junk the tariff laws and is certainly not conveyed by the word “regulate.” I welcome the Court’s questions.

Justice Thomas asked about how embargoes are somehow OK, but tariffs aren’t.

Counsel Katyal advised that tariffs are taxes, they raise revenue. Embargos are a hard stop in trade altogether. Maybe they have similar goals, but very different actions.

Justice Roberts was up next, and asked about the fact that tariffs are foreign facing, and that foreign affairs is the purview of the president, not congress. So should they support Trump’s case here?

Counsel Katyal agreed with most of that, but stated that the constitution never gave the executive the power to raise revenue, even while at war. He then quoted Justice Robert Jackson from a 1952 case, Youngstown Sheet & Tube Company v. Sawyer, where President Truman, in order to fend of a labor union strike he felt would create a national emergency, attempted to seize control of the nation’s steel mills. In a 6-3 loss, Truman was advised to go fuck himself.

In that opinion, Justice Jackson said,

Emergency powers tend to kindle emergencies, so it’s essential the public may know the extent and limitations of the powers that can be asserted and persons affected may be informed from the statute of its rights and duties.

His point being, we can’t just let the president declare an emergency, and then citing that emergency, do whatever the fuck he wants. Otherwise, every president will declare everything an emergency, then do whatever the fuck they want. As an example? Donald J. Trump, and his bullshit “emergency” tariffs.

Justice Kavanaugh wanted to understand if Katyal agreed that if congress had specifically said the president could issue tariffs in IEEPA, that it’s constitutionally permissible.

Associate Justice Brett Kavanaugh

Counsel Katyal agreed, assuming there are limits that are clearly defined.

He didn’t agree that president could just put a 300% tariff on someone and call it an emergency, for fuck’s sake.

He pointed out that Trump imposed a 39% tariff on Switzerland, and not only are they an ally, they actually buy more goods from us than we do from them. So how the fuck does that make sense as a trade emergency?

Justice Alito, seeming skeptical of Katyal’s argument asked, “What if Congress told the president to regulate parks. A park is particularly busy. So could the president have them charge an admission fee to reduce visitor counts?

He said, if it raises a fee, then no. Congress needs to explicitly give him that power.

Alito then went on to show the power of logic has left him by asking an inane question. He asked, what if they’re not revenue raising tariffs? His example was, a tariff is enacted but not imposed until 90 days if the country doesn’t comply. So if they do, no tariff is collected.

How the fuck does that work? He’s asking if it’s OK as long as no one ever violates it? That’s fucking stupid. I hate to be disrespectful to Alito, I’ve been there where I couldn’t come up with a great example, but still, it’s a pretty nonsensical question.

Associate Justice Samuel Alito

Counsel Katyal pointed out that Trump’s brief, and statements publicly suggest it’d raise 4 trillion smackaroos. I’d call that revenue.

He went on to point out, that if the president is saying a trade imbalance is an emergency, then he can enforce quotas, which would be more precise than tariffs.

So I know you were thinking I was overreaching by saying Alito was getting inane in his arguments, but folks, he wasn’t done. He then asked this:

You say that these executive orders do not address an unusual and extraordinary threat. I understand that argument. Suppose that the facts were that there was an imminent threat of war, not a declared war but an imminent threat of war with a very powerful enemy whose economy was heavily dependent on U.S. trade. Could a president under this provision impose a tariff as a way of trying to stave off that war, or would you say, no, the president lacks that power under this provision?

What the fuck is he even talking about? How does this scenario make any sense? For the love of God, Alito is losing it. I don’t know if this is just him really trying to support Trump, or if he’s losing his marbles, but Alito is compromised, man.

How the fuck could it be that an enemy of the US is about to go to war with us, but they sell goods to us, and so we impose a tariff against them, and that somehow gets them to like us more and not start a war? For fuck’s sake, if this hypothetical were true, an embargo would be the only fucking lever you’d pull. This is insane, from Alito.

Katyal again pointed out that the things IEEPA specifically gives him the authority to do aren’t raising revenue, where tariffs do.

He then hit Alito with a compelling and accurate response, IMO. He said:

If you ruled for us and the president says, I need this power, he could go across the street to Congress tomorrow and get it by a simple majority through reconciliation. But, if you vote for them, this power, as Justice Gorsuch said, as Justice Barrett said, is going to be stuck with us forever.

Neal Kumar Katyal

He’s absolutely right here. Again, the president is unlikely to sign a statute congress passes, which takes power away he wants to exploit from him. So they’d need a veto-proof majority. Therefore, getting congress to give him that power explicitly, is the more logical path.

In a response to a question from Justice Thomas who wanted to know if the president could impose tariffs as a means of getting a country to free an American hostage.

Katyal said, “The President is seeking the power to set aside all of our trade treaties unilaterally under the word “regulate.” I just don’t think it can bear that weight.”

Justice Alito went on to ask about other statutes that authorize tariffs, seemingly addressing the constitutional issue. But Katyal responded:

That’s something that can be decided by other courts at other times. As these folks come to the Court, as the government comes to the Court today, they’re citing one statute and one statute only, IEEPA, and we submit to you it doesn’t come even close to authorizing these worldwide tariffs that they’re seeking today.

This suggests he’s not really raising the constitutional nondelegation issue at all.

In a particularly feisty exchange with Justice Kavanaugh about previous times presidents imposed tariffs, Katyal points out that in all those other instances, the statutes which gave the president the authority to impose tariffs, there were clearly outlined limitations. Essentially, that congress would never give the president the limitless power to tariff, and if they did, surely they’d say so. So the lack of limits suggest, they weren’t intending for the president to be able to do that, because they’re always worried about that fucker going crazy.

Associate Justice Brett Kavanaugh

Justice Barrett asked if he agreed, since licensing is outlined in IEEPA, could the president impost a licensing fee?

Counsel Katyal said:

Not a fee. So I should have said this earlier, but license is different from a licensing fee. IEEPA and TWEA authorize licenses, not license fees. And no president has ever charged, to my knowledge, fees under those two statutes for the licenses. So fee is impermissible. License is okay.

He then again specified that if there was a licensing fee to cover costs of the licensing, that might be OK, because it’s not revenue raising. But Trump pointed out he expects the tariffs to raise 4 trillion dollars.

Justice Barrett asked about refunds, if Katyal were to win, of all the tariffs already collected.

When this case started, Katyal’s side asked for an injunction on the tariffs, because if Katyal’s side wins, refunding those tariffs could be quite the fucking mess.

But the government responded like this.

They then said, that refunds would be easy-peasy if they lose, so no reason to put a pause on them.

But now that they’re here in court, they’re acting like the refunds would be a huge burden, and therefore that’s why they should win. So that’s surely hypocritical.

The Arguments: The Petitioners (The States)

Last up is Solicitor General for Oregon, Benjamin Gutman who simply opened by saying IEEPA licenses never were fees. It was just a way to carve an exemptions for humanitarian reasons, or something like that. Clearly not revenue raising.

So an argument you’ve heard from the president and his peeps, was also put forward by Justice Kavanaugh. He asked, how the fuck could it make sense that the president could launch an embargo, which shuts down trade entirely, but a 1% tariff is somehow a problem. Sure one is a more major act than the other.

Deputy Attorney General of Oregon, Benjamin Gutman

I’d argue that tariffs are taxes on the American people, embargos just stop the trade altogether. But it doesn’t inherently cost the people any money.

But Gutman just argued that there’s never been another time where “regulate” on it’s own, was used to justify tariffs. All other instances, they used language to suggest revenue-raising efforts were allowed.

He went on to clarify to Justices Kavanaugh, Kagan, and Jackson, who all asked the same question in a roundabout way, that the reason they are different, is that with tariffs, there’s something in it for the government. For embargos, there isn’t. Sure, maybe a 1% tariff is less impactful than an embargo, but still, the government doesn’t benefit from an embargo, and the president doesn’t now have a new source of revenue to potentially exploit.

Justice Jackson, seemingly arguing for SG Gutman instead of questioning him responded:

And it would make perfect sense, I think, in a time of emergency for many of the reasons that General Sauer pointed out that Congress would want the President to have the kind of authority that is imposed when you are embargoing things, when you are stopping the trade, when you are saying, you know, for emergency reasons we’re not letting any of this product come in. I mean, sure, that’s a big deal, but the nature of it makes sense in terms of an emergency. I think what you’re saying is that the idea that the government would use its authority to be raising revenues in this situation is a different kind of power.

Associate Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson

Gutman agreed.

Justice Kavanaugh, lacking imagination, again argued that it seems nonsensical that a president could do an embargo, but not a small tariff.

The problem with this argument, and the reason I say he lacks imagination, is that the law doesn’t just allow embargos. It allows licenses and quotas, too. So Kavanaugh is ignoring the other tools that are there, to make this ridiculous false dichotomy argument that it’s the nuclear option or nothing, when it absolutely isn’t.

Counsel Gutman agreed with me.

Justice Sotomayor took the gloves off and attacked the president’s pettiness by pointing out the 10% he put on Canada because it hurt his feelings that it ran an ad about tariffs, and a 40% tax on Brazil because they prosecuted a friend of his. So this is why those powers must be restrained.

The Arguments: Respondent’s Rebuttal

Counsel Sauer had one final chance to rebut the other two, and so he went on a long diatribe, talking about how the tariffs did bring some countries to the negotiating table, and therefore they achieved the goals of resolving the emergency Trump declared under IEEPA.

The problem with this, is again, it lacks imagination. Trump didn’t try an embargo, but I’m sure that would have worked as well. Trump didn’t try quotas, but that could have also been effective. Like Kavanaugh, he made a false dichotomy argument, as if somehow tariffs were the only effective option.


The Opinion of the Court

Alrighty, place your bets, folks.

And the winner is…drumroll…Learning Resources Inc. et al., thanks to Justices Roberts, Kagan, Sotomayor, Barrett, Gorsuch, and Jackson.

So listen, there are no less than six fucking opinions on this ruling, and I’m not going to cover all of them entirely, but the one that matters is from the chief, himself.

He wrote:

Based on two words separated by 16 others in Section 1702(a)(1)(B) of IEEPA—“regulate” and “importation”—the President asserts the independent power to impose tariffs on imports from any country, of any product, at any rate, for any amount of time. Those words cannot bear such weight.

Chief Justice John Roberts

He argues that the tariffs Trump imposed were so limitless, that clearly a tacit reference to regulate imports couldn’t have allowed for something so impactful, especially during peacetime.

He continued that SCOTUS rarely allows the president to exercise power that isn’t explicitly and clearly granted to him by statute. He also reiterates Katyal’s argument that when congress does give such powers to the president, it does so with limits and guidelines—certainly not just saying the executive can regulate imports, and nothing else.

He then wrote:

Against this backdrop of clear and limited delegations, the Government reads IEEPA to give the President power to unilaterally impose unbounded tariffs.

On this reading, moreover, the President is unconstrained by the significant procedural limitations in other tariff statutes and free to issue a dizzying array of modifications at will. All it takes to unlock that extraordinary power is a Presidential declaration of emergency, which the Government asserts is unreviewable. And the only way of restraining the exercise of that power is a veto-proof majority in Congress.

That view, if credited, would represent a transformative expansion of the President’s authority over tariff policy, and indeed—as demonstrated by the exercise of that authority in this case—over the broader economy as well.

It would replace the longstanding executive-legislative collaboration over trade policy with unchecked Presidential policymaking. Congress seldom effects such sea changes through “vague language.”

Justice Roberts also cited that there was no other time IEEPA was used to impose tariffs, as was discussed at length during oral arguments, and pointed to other statutes that had been used by presidents to impose tariffs. I believe he was pointing out that other statutes have limits, guardrails, etc., which is the likely reason Trump didn’t use them—he wants the power to change them on whims.

He also argued that the sheer magnitude of what Trump had done, should give the courts pause. They should really consider whether congress clearly meant to infer such power. Since it’s not even mentioned IEEPA—safe to say they didn’t.

2025-2026 Supreme Court of the United States

He then addressed the “emergencies beget emergencies” concern, with which he agreed.

Trump’s side tried to argue that in times of emergency, the president needs broad sweeping powers to act. Instead, Justice Roberts suggested that in times of emergency, when the president is executing emergency powers, the courts should be increasingly skeptical, and require clear, inarguable authority powers were granted, not a single word, like “regulate,” that could just as easily be argued didn’t mean what the president says it means, such as in this case.

He then said, in a shot across the bow of Alito, Thomas, and Kavanaugh, who usually side with the major questions doctrine, but carved out an exception here:

There is no major questions exception to the major questions doctrine.

The dissent’s argument was that because the constitution gives the president dominion over foreign affairs, and tariffs are arguably foreign affairs, that somehow this means the major questions doctrine wouldn’t apply.

However, tariffs are paid for by American’s, no matter what Trump’s team tries to argue. Imported goods show up in America, and tariffs are paid for by the American companies who bought them, and then that expense is baked into the price that American consumers pay for them. So while there’s a foreign affairs component to it, the goal of tariffs isn’t to prevent people from exporting to the US, it’s to get Americans to stop buying imports, and that is not a foreign affairs issue, that’s a “government picking winners and losers in a free market” issue.

In his concurring, but separate opinion, Neil Gorsuch wrote this, and I think it’s so good, I’m going to post it without edit.

Associate Justice Neil Gorsuch

For those who think it important for the Nation to impose more tariffs, I understand that today’s decision will be disappointing.

All I can offer them is that most major decisions affecting the rights and responsibilities of the American people (including the duty to pay taxes and tariffs) are funneled through the legislative process for a reason.

Yes, legislating can be hard and take time. And, yes, it can be tempting to bypass Congress when some pressing problem arises. But the deliberative nature of the legislative process was the whole point of its design.

Through that process, the Nation can tap the combined wisdom of the people’s elected representatives, not just that of one faction or man. There, deliberation tempers impulse, and compromise hammers disagreements into workable solutions.

And because laws must earn such broad support to survive the legislative process, they tend to endure, allowing ordinary people to plan their lives in ways they cannot when the rules shift from day to day.

In all, the legislative process helps ensure each of us has a stake in the laws that govern us and in the Nation’s future. For some today, the weight of those virtues is apparent. For others, it may not seem so obvious.

But if history is any guide, the tables will turn and the day will come when those disappointed by today’s result will appreciate the legislative process for the bulwark of liberty it is.

Hear oral arguments or read about the case here.

Also, some good YouTube content on the subject:

Average Joe SCOTUS: Vega v. Tekoh

I’m going to assume you’ve all heard of Miranda rights, correct?

It’s some version of this, depending on the state:

  • You have the right to remain silent.
  • Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.
  • You have the right to an attorney.
  • If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you before any questioning if you wish.

In the United States, the fifth amendment reads as follows:

Fifth Amendment

No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offence to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.

Miranda addresses the part about not being compelled to be a witness against yourself. You see, back in 1963, Ernesto Miranda decided to kidnap a women, then put his dick some place it didn’t belong.

Ernesto Miranda

The police picked him up, questioned him for two hours, and eventually obtained a written confession from him. At no point however, did police tell Ernesto that he had a right to a lawyer.

So armed with the confession, Arizona prosecuted his ass—easily winning their case against him.

Miranda eventually obtained a lawyer, however, who decided that there should be a fucking rule that forces police to advise a person of their rights when they’re arrested. Without that, such confessions should be thrown out, as a lawyer may have advised their client to say or do something quite different from what they actually said and did.

Folks, remember four words if you’re ever being questioned by police: “SHUT THE FUCK UP!” That’s it. SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Ask for a lawyer, and say nothing, no matter what the situation is. Period. Always. Every fucking time. Got it?

It’s not that police are bad, but when you’re a hammer, everything looks like a nail. Police tend to feel like everyone they’re talking to is a bad actor. So on the off chance you might say something that makes them question your innocence, even when you are innocent, you could find yourself in a bad situation because you failed to SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Anyway, Miranda won at SCOTUS and his confession was thrown out, making his trial a mistrial. Since appellate victories don’t trigger the double jeopardy rule, Arizona tried Miranda again, without the confession, and still won.

So while Miranda changed US Law forever—helping innocent people not get railroaded by aggressive government tactics, that fucker was guilty as sin, and his SCOTUS victory didn’t help him one iota.

Now that we’ve covered Miranda, let’s talk about 42 U.S. Code § 1983 – Civil action for deprivation of rights.

This is a law that says, if government violates your constitutional rights, you can fucking sue them for civil damages.

Miranda and code 1983 are what’s at issue here in this case.

Terence Tekoh was a low-level patient transporter at a Los Angeles hospital.

Terence Tekoh

A young lady was in the hospital, and at one point, under heavy sedation. During that time, she asserted that Tekoh channeled his inner Miranda and stuck a finger in her vagina while she was in the hospital.

The hospital called the fuzz, and Officer Carlos Vega showed up, questioned Tekoh for some time, without ever reading him his Miranda rights, and eventually Tekow wrote an apology for touching the patient inappropriately, which was deemed as a confession.

However, Tekoh was acquitted in his second trial after an initial mistrial.

I’m not sure how someone’s first hand testimony that he molested them wasn’t sufficient for a conviction, but I guess I have to trust the 12 angry men on this one.

Anyway, Tekoh, feeling like he won the lottery after his acquittal decided to double down and sue Officer Vega for violating his constitutional rights.

He argued that he didn’t vountarily talk with Vega, Vega pulled him aside, called him a bunch of racial slurs, threatened to deport his family, and a whole host of other shit, until he confessed.

I won’t bore you with the lower court shit, just know it made it to SCOTUS, and their question was, is Miranda a constitutional right, and if so, can Tekoh sue if he’s not Mirandized?

Let’s go to the arguments:

Roman Martinez

First up: Roman Martinez representing officer Vega.

He opened by arguing Miranda is simply a prophylactic rule designed to protect a person’s fifth amendment rights, and is not a right in and of itself. Just because you’re not mirandized, doesn’t necessarily mean your constitutional rights were violated.

He argues that while Miranda helps protect the fifth amendment rights of the individual, if some moron just blurts out a confession before officers mirandized them, you can’t fairly say the cops violated their constitutional rights and coerced a confession.

He argues that Vega merely took Tekoh’s statement. There was no evidence of coercion, courts and juries didn’t feel Vega did anything wrong, Tekoh just blurted out what he had done.

Justice Thomas was the first to chime in, since he has seniority and all. He asked about a previous case, Dickerson V. United States. So let’s discuss that for a minute.

Associate Justice Clarence Thomas

In that case, congress has passed 18 U.S. Code § 3501 – Admissibility of confessions. This statute came about after the Miranda case law was established, and was congress’ attempt to legislate away Miranda rights by saying voluntary confessions given before Miranda rights are given, should be admissible in court.

However, SCOTUS told congress to go pound sand with this shit, and the reason why is very important.

I know I go off on tangents—not even gonna apologize for that. Eat my entire ass if you don’t like it—I’m trying to learn y’all something.

The courts job is to interpret laws, regulations, executive orders, the constitution, and other case law. When they do this, it establishes new case law. But not all laws are on the same tier.

In the case of Miranda, they were interpreting the constitution. The case law they created in Miranda therefore is at the constitutional tier. Congress pass statutes, but they are on a lower tier to the constitution. So while congress could create new statutes to invalidate case law regarding a statute, they can’t write a statute invalidating case law over a constitutional principle, otherwise a law would be trumping the constitution. This is Dickerson in a nutshell. SCOTUS ruled in Dickerson, that congress cannot legislate away constitutional case law.

OK, done digressing, back to the case.

Justice Thomas wanted to know if Dickerson destroyed Vega’s case. If SCOTUS ruled that Miranda couldn’t be overruled solely by statute, then doesn’t that make Miranda a constitutional issue, and therefore qualify it as a constitutional violation?

But Counsel Martinez was like, “Nah, man. Miranda protects a constitutional right, but it isn’t a right in and of itself. It’s constitution-adjacent.”

Justice Roberts next asked:

Supreme Court of the United States Chief Justice John Roberts

John G. Roberts, Jr.

Mr. Martinez, if I could focus just for a minute on the language of the cause of action here, 1983.

It gives individuals a right against the deprivation of any rights, privileges, or immunities secured by the Constitution and laws. Now, under Miranda, you have a right not to have unwarned confessions admitted into evidence.

You wouldn’t have that right if it weren’t for the Constitution.

So why isn’t that right one secured by the Constitution?

Counsel Martinez responded, “Man, a rule to protect a constitutional right isn’t a constitutional right itself. Nowhere else does this occur, that some stupid-ass procedural rule that protects a constitutional right, all of a sudden becomes a constitutional right in and of itself.”

Justice Kagan was the next to chime in. She could not wrap her head around the argument that Miranda is there to ensure the 5th amendment rights are preserved, and that if a Miranda warning isn’t given, that somehow counsel argues that doesn’t necessarily mean his 5th amendment rights were violated.

Associate Justice Elena Kagan

Counsel Martinez suggested that just because Miranda wasn’t given, could it not be true that cops were having a discussion with him, and he admitted to what he had done in a moment of guilt?

That maybe he wanted to confess, even if he knew he didn’t have to answer their questions?

There’s no reason to assume his confession was coerced at all, without evidence of such. Therefore, his right not to self-incriminate doesn’t have to have been violated.

Justice Sotomayor asked:

Can you tell me why we’re here?

Simple question, but complex reason. She’s asking that Vega not Mirandizing him may have violated his Miranda rights, but it was the prosecutor and courts who chose to admit that confession who royally fucked Tekoh in the ass. So why sue Vega?

Martinez was like, “Fucking Vega lied to the prosecutor and the courts about this bullshit confession he obtained. That’s why we’re going after him. The prosecutor and judge were going on bad info from Vega!”

Next up is Vivek Suri. He’s representing the federal government under Biden, as an amicus, in support of Vega.

His opener was a short banger.

Vivek Suri

Mr. Chief Justice, and may it please the Court: Miranda recognized a constitutional right, but it’s a trial right concerning the exclusion of evidence at a criminal trial.

It isn’t a substantive right to receive the Miranda warnings themselves. A police officer who fails to provide the Miranda warnings accordingly doesn’t himself violate the constitutional right, and he also isn’t legally responsible for any violation that might occur later at the trial.

He’s basically saying, even if the cop fucked up and didn’t mirandize, the prosecutor brought the evidence in, and the judge allowed it. So why is Vega the asshole here?

Justice Thomas jumped in first again, and simply asked, what if the officer lies about what happened during the interrogation?

Vivek is largely arguing 1983 claims are about things that happen outside of trial. But things that happen during the trial, are generally not 1983 claims, such as ineffective counsel, or other poor actions by the judge and prosecutor.

Vivek essentially argues that the remedy for a Miranda claim, is just to throw out the testimony that was given before a baddie was mirandized. It’s not to make it rain cash on the poor sucker.

Last up is Paul Hoffman, representing Mr. Tekoh, AKA Goldfinger.

He’s arguing that Officer Vega’s account is bullshit. Tekoh did not just willingly give up this info. Vega threatened him with deportation and shit, until he confessed.

Vega then lied and suggested that Tekoh, out of the blue, was just like, “Hey man, I’m sorry, I fingered her without her consent. I’m an asshole. Totally my bad.” As if somehow, he didn’t even feel he needed to Mirandize him yet, but then Tekoh just dropped the dime on himself straight away.

Paul Hoffman

Problem for Hoffman, none of the fucking trials actually found, based on the evidence, that Vega did coerce Tekoh. It’s Tekoh’s story, but that’s it.

If Tekoh just blurted out his guilt willy nilly, Vega really didn’t do anything wrong. But Hoffman needs to prove that Vega threatened him with deportation and such, and he just doesn’t have any court findings or testimony to back that shit up.

Think of it like three steps. The use of an unMirandized statement is a violating of the fifth amendment. 1983 let’s you sue for damages if your rights are violated. If Vega lied and said the confession wasn’t coerced when it was in fact coerced, and that confession was admitted into evidence, than Tekoh’s constitutional rights were violated by Vega, and Vega should be rewarded with some 1983 dollars.

If Vega is telling the truth, and Tekoh just sang like a canary because he was feeling guilty, as Vega suggested at trial, then Vega didn’t coerce that confession, he’s just reporting what he heard Tekoh say.

Since Tekoh was exonerated, you might wonder what harm he is claiming. The confession didn’t help the government convict Tekoh. But Tekoh’s claiming that the fact his confession was used as evidence against him, led to him having to endure a trial at all, and therefore he was harmed.

Hoffman is arguing that Tekoh’s life and reputation were harmed by all this, and none of it would have happened, had Vega Mirandized him, instead of interrogating him. And that’s what 1983 is there for—violations just like this.

The opinion, written by Justice Alito, and joined by the other 5 Republican appointees, decided it didn’t give a fuck whether Vega lied or not. That Miranda is not a constitutional right, it is a prophylactic rule that merely protects a constitutional right. The remedy for a Miranda violation is the evidence not being allowed into trial. It isn’t 1983 dolla dolla bills y’all.

Essentially, he’s saying that because it’s possible Tekoh just blurted out his confession, and Vega was in earshot of it, which would be admissible in court, that this proves that not mirandizing someone isn’t always a fifth amendment violation.

He wrote:

A violation of Miranda does not necessarily constitute a violation of the Constitution, and therefore such a violation does not constitute “the deprivation of a right secured by the Constitution” which is necessary to secure a 42 U. S. C. §1983 claim.

So Tekoh can go fuck himself, instead of his patients—he’s lucky he was acquitted.

Justice Kagan wrote the dissent. I’ll summarize it this way. “If Miranda is required to protect someone’s 5th amendment rights, and a Miranda warning isn’t given, someone’s fifth amendment rights were fucking violated. Alito, respectfully, you’re a crusty old senile fuck, and you should retire.”

Trump Suggests He Doesn’t Understand The Constitution

When I think Trump is corrupt or willfully doing the wrong thing, I’m pretty harsh in my criticisms of him on “the socials.”

If he’s answering honestly here in this PBS video, then this is not so much me bashing him, as it is me being concerned about him being our president.

To give context, he is asked about the Supreme Court ordering him to effectuate the return of suspected gang member, and known illegal immigrant Kilmar Garcia (Read about this story here, for the unfamiliar), and he replies by saying that the people elected him to deport these folks, and the courts are holding him back from doing it.

So then she asks, “Don’t you need to uphold the Constitution of the United States, as president?”

He responds, “I don’t know. I have to respond by saying again, I have brilliant lawyers that work for me. And they are going to, obviously follow what the Supreme Court said. What you said, is not what I heard the Supreme Court said. They have a very different interpretation.”

It should be concerning he doesn’t understand the constitution, and a court order, at such a basic level, when he’s encountered so many of them at this point.

Kilmar Arbrego Garcia

If you follow Trump and his legal issues, as covered by legal scholars and analysts alike, you’ll know he has a history of losing good lawyers.

A good podcast on this subject is called Serious Trouble, hosted by former federal prosecutor, Ken White. If you’re interested in learning law as it pertains to current issues, it’s really hard to think of a better podcast, and it’s largely apolitical.

It is often very critical of Trump, but don’t mistake this as being partisan. It’s quite possible to be a Republican ideologically, and still not like Trump, or to have apolitical reasons for disliking him.

I don’t think Ken White is a Republican, but the point is, he rarely delves into political opinions or questions, just legal analysis. So be sure to check your biases when listening, and just learn.

Former prosecutor Ken White

Anyway, on the issue of Trump losing good lawyers, an analogy would be the support of capitalism many give, and how it works.

If someone were a horrid employer, they’ll lose good employees, either because the employees won’t want to work for them, or the employer will ask them to do things that they know are wrong or immoral. The employee will, of course, refuse to do these directives, which then prompts the bad employer to fire them because they think the employee is being insubordinate, when the reality is the employer is the one out of line asking them to do those things in the first place.

This is precisely the scenario people describe when it comes to Trump and his lawyer troubles. His lawyers either fire Trump as a client, or he fires them, often after they refuse to do something they consider illegal, which could get them disbarred or worse. So Trump ends up with mediocre and ethically challenged lawyers as a result. Not to mention, he seems to have a penchant for hiring lawyers who are subjectively attractive females, for what I assume are not entirely because of their skills at lawyering.

Christina Bobb (Left), Lindsey Halligan (Center), Alina Habba (Right)

By all accounts, he’s been surrounded most of his life by employees or family members, who’ve all enabled him. It’s led him to believe he’s smarter than he is, because he doesn’t have anyone close to him to tell him he’s wrong or out of line growing up.

Penn Jillette talked about this on his podcast, Penn’s Sunday School. Penn was asked to do an interview for a book about Trump. Out of curiosity, he asked the writer, “What do his friends say about him?”

The writer responded that he hadn’t really been able to find any friends to interview. Just employees, and family members.

Penn Jillette

As a result of this sheltered and unchallenged life, it stands to reason he was turned into an entitled jerk who thinks he’s always right, and thinks anyone disagreeing with him is his enemy.

History is littered with stories like this of boy kings, for instance, who would have servants killed for just making eye contact with them.

As much as I find Trump offputting and reprehensible, I do find it sad that this is how he was brought up and how he turned out.

Maybe he was born a sociopath and was always going to be the basic person he is. But maybe he was raised so poorly, that it made him the bad person he is, and things could have been so much better for him with a better upbringing.

Either way, the idea that he doesn’t understand the Constitution in such a simple sense, is very concerning, when it’s his job to uphold it. With some of his other off-the-wall ideas, like changing the name of the Gulf of Mexico, reopening Alcatraz, or his tumultuous application of tariffs, I think it’s fair to ponder the idea that he’s starting to suffer dementia, like Biden and Reagan before him.

He’s Biden’s age—after all—and older than Reagan was during his presidency, so it’s not a crazy notion.

Either way, I think for the sake of our nation, it’s time for Republicans to move on from Trump as soon as possible before more bad things happen, either through corruption, arrogance, ignorance, or senility.

Average Joe SCOTUS: United States v. Washington

Ever heard of intergovernmental immunity? I sure as hell hadn’t.

During the formation of the United States, state’s rights were a big fucking deal to the founding members. They were wary to create some “all-powerful” federal government—that ish would be too much like the motherfuckers they just shot and killed in order to form our new nation.

That said, they also understood that certain things needed to be controlled by the federal government over the states.

For instance, the Bill of Rights was initially thought of as a limit only on the federal government, but eventually SCOTUS heard Gitlow v. New York (1925).

Some socialist asshole named Gitlow was arrested in New York for passing out commie propaganda suggesting people should overthrow the government. He was arrested under a New York law banning such speech.

SCOTUS, after hearing the case, ruled in favor of Gitlow—the Constitution’s enumerated rights are not rights at all, if the states can violate the fuck out of them. So after that, case law mandated that the rights in the constitution applied to all levels of government, not just federal.

In that decision, SCOTUS was addressing the right to free speech via the first amendment, but it laid the precedent that the states have to abide by the Constitution’s restraints. All the states agreed to this shit—they can’t just back out of it later.

But this isn’t the only time the federal government exerts power of the states. There’s also intergovernmental immunity—which is much older.

Back in 1819, SCOTUS heard McCulloch v. Maryland. McCullough worked for a federal bank. Maryland wanted to tax said bank. McCullough told them to fuck off and die. The case made it to SCOTUS, and legendary chief Justice John Marshall opined that the states cannot tax or regulate property of the federal government, and voila! Intergovernmental immunity was born.

Chief Justice John Marshall

The federal government can allow the states to tax or regulate them, in certain areas, but only if the federal government says it’s cool. We’ll get to that in a minute.

This case revolves around intergovernmental immunity, because the state of Washington has this now-closed nuclear power plant called the Hanford Site. It was built in 1943 as part of the Manhattan Project. It was the first plutonium reactor in the fucking world—’Murica, bitches! Some of the plutonium produced at that site was the fuel used in the Nagasaki bomb.

Back in 1989, they decided that this plant was old, tired, outdated, and ready to be put out to pasture. So since that shit is no longer operational, someone has the duty to erase that mother fucker off the face of the Earth, and all it’s radioactive essence along with it.

That somebody is the federal government, via the U.S. Department of Energy.

The Hanford Site

Now let’s talk about Worker’s Compensation. You know, that government “insurance” program by which, if you’re hurt in the workplace, the government pays out cash money to you?

Well, there isn’t a federal worker’s comp program—that’s usually handled by the states. So, in 1936, the federal government passed 40 U.S.C. § 3172.

Remember when I said the federal government could give the states some power over them if they wanted? This statute gave the states the power to narrowly regulate federal workers on federal property which exists in that state via that state’s worker’s comp program.

Too many times, because of intergovernmental immunity, federal workers were forced to sue the federal government to get paid for on-the-job injuries, so congress passed this law to help.

This saved requiring the lazy fucks in the federal government to pass their own version of such a program.

We know worker’s comp is about injuries that occur at work, such as falling off a ladder and breaking a fucking leg, or something. That’s pretty easy to identify as a workplace hazard and incident.

What’s not so fucking easy, is attributing diseases like cancer, which may be caused by radiation leakage from a defunct nuclear power plant, to a workplace like the Hanford Site. It’s pretty much impossible to prove that someone’s cancer is not just a random cancer they contracted, even if odds suggest it probably is related to handling nuclear waste.

But worker’s comp requires that the claimant can prove the fucking harm was caused by the workplace. So this is a pain in the ass for these people trying to clean up this nuclear site.

As you can imagine, they’re basically real-life Homer Simpsons, working in a pretty hazardous environment. When accidents happen, people will likely get sick and die. Hell, some of the protections they use, may even be insufficient, leading to problems they thought they were protected from.

At the Hanford Site, the federal government was paying claims just fine, until 2018, when Washington changed the rules with  H.B. 1723, making it easier for workers to claim workplace injuries there.

Generally, if safety protocols are meticulously followed, barring some fucking equipment failure, these workers should be adequately protected. But Washington noted that protocols often weren’t followed, which then might lead to increased risk.

If workers put their own dumb asses at risk by avoiding safety protocols, it’s hard to blame the workplace for such illnesses. They’re a victim of their own defective idiotic brain—such claims usually aren’t covered.

But Washington was like, “you government assholes aren’t doing a good job monitoring these safety protocols, so we don’t really know if these fuckwits are to blame for their own issues. It could be you lazy fucks, instead.”

So basically, Washington’s rule change went from requiring proof all safety protocols were followed and they got sick anyway, to “if they got sick from a disease that could be caused by exposure, we’ll assume they’re owed compensation. The monitoring of safety protocols is pretty fucking weak at times, and we can’t really determine who’s at fault.”

Even more odd, the law specifically only modified that for the Hartford Site workers. That’s odd, because other people in the state, working for the federal government, the state, or private companies, could be working with similar risks, and subject to the same harms, but for them, they don’t get that presumption of work-caused disease.

Between when SCOTUS agreed to hear this shit, and it was actually heard however, Washington amended the rule with  S.B. 5890, which now covers anyone in the state working with radioactive shit.

So the Federal government was like, “Hold on a fucking minute. We were all Kool and the Gang with this shi before, but now it’s getting expensive AF.

It might seem like the federal government wouldn’t care if it covered non-federal workers, as they’re being paid by the state, and thus aren’t on the hook for these additionally-covered workers.

This is where it gets interesting.

Before the latest rule change, the federal government was suing because they felt the state was unfairly discriminating for federal workers. Now that they are applying the rules to everyone, it’s questionable if Washington mooted this case—they’re no longer discriminating in the way the federal government complained.

The federal government is skeptical the latest rule will be retroactive, which Washington says it would be. So the federal government is like, “You assholes didn’t moot shit. We’re still on the hook for these old motherfuckers, and we don’t believe you when you say you’ll apply it to non-federal workers retroactively.

So anyway, that’s the nuts and bolts of this case. Now, let’s check in on the oral arguments…

First up for Petitioners, the good ole USA, is Department of Justice Deputy Solicitor General, Malcolm Stewart.

He opened by pointing out that the changes they made to the law, have not been proven to be to the benefit of the United States, and as such, didn’t moot their fucking claim.

U.S. Deputy Solicitor General Malcolm Stewart

He points out that every other worker on the site, such as state or private workers, are under different rules, and as such, that’s pretty unfair to the United States.

Justice Kagan asked, “if they had passed this new law before you filed for certiori to have us hear it, would you still have filed?”

He agreed, it wouldn’t have been the same argument, but they’d still have filed to ask the court to vacate the lower court’s decision on this, which they lost. But, he also pointed out that he wanted the court to provide clarification on the scope of the 1936 federal law, 3172 mentioned above.

Justice Roberts seemed confused by the statute, and asked Stewart, if the facility were owned by the state, would these workers be covered by state worker’s compensation laws?

I think at the heart of the question Justice Roberts is asking, since the law Washington wrote about these federal workers only applied to them, could they also apply it to the workers if it were a state facility?

Counsel Stewart was like, “Sure, but they didn’t.” He points out that the HB1723 law only applies to Hanford Site workers, which all work for the federal government. So even if the state could apply those rules to other state facilities, the law as written doesn’t allow it. It specifically just calls out the Hanford site.

His beef is that the federal government is being discriminated against other workers doing similar work in Washington, and that’s some bullshit, in his professional opinion. They argued this point, a lot. I mean, a LOT.

Going back to the rule that the federal government has to agree to allow the states to tax or regulate them, which they do here, his argument is that they didn’t agree to be discriminated against. If the rules were the same for everyone else, they wouldn’t fucking be here. But the state, knowing that the federal government has some deep pockets, made rules specifically for the Hanford Site peeps, knowing the state or its business, wouldn’t have to pay it, only Big Daddy Fed would.

Next up is SCOTUS newbie, Tera Heintz.

She opened by arguing that while she thinks they win on the merits, it’s fucking irrelevant because it’s moot. They rescinded and replaced the law that was on the books when SCOTUS agreed to hear this shit, so if they still have a new problem, they need to submit a new case and go through the proper channels again.

Tera Heintz of Morgan, Lewis & Bockius LLP

We’ve seen this tactic before, in a New York State Rifle Association case, when states know they’re out of line, but refuse to budge until SCOTUS agrees to take the case, then all of a sudden they’re like, “Our bad, dawg. We’ll change it.”

While it’s possible some states just coincidentally see the light, and admit the errors of their ways, this seems skeezy at best.

She was like, “their complaint is asking you to invalidate a law on constitutional grounds which no longer even fucking exists. She added, even if they win, what victory can you give them? Nothing, I tell you. NOTHING! The relief they sought when they failed, has already been granted.”

This may seem like a fair argument, as the law was rescinded. But this tactic, is again kinda skeezy. Because the new law replacing it, is offensive to the other side in a slightly different way, and they fucking know it. They effectively admit the other side had a point, but instead of just fixing the error, they try to achieve it by another means, and hope that SCOTUS is so stupid as to let that shit fly.

She goes on to point out that claims filed under the old law, are what the other side is worried about, and those claims will be retroactively amended to the new law. But as the other side argued before, there’s no guarantee this is true, and the law is not written with language that suggests it must be applied retroactively. So they don’t trust this shit further than they can throw it.

Remember, that the new law is supposed to make it so that all workers, federal or not, working with retroactive materials, can now get this presumption that their cancers and shit were because of this exposure to hazardous materials.

Associate Justice Clarence Thomas

Justice Thomas wanted to know, “what if people who benefitted under the old law, want their case updated to the new one?” He’s basically asking, what if their condition changed, and they need more assistance. Maybe the new law doesn’t help them as the old one did, so they want assistance under the old law, where they got help.

Heintz argued that workers who were awarded assistance under the old law would simply refile under the new law if they need new assistance. For pending claims, the new law is retroactive and would be applied to them. Any closed claims under the old law, would need refiled under the new one.

It’s worth noting, they’re here in SCOTUS as an appeal of a Washington Supreme Court (SCOW) ruling. Once SCOTUS makes its decision, it will go back to SCOW.

So Justice Roberts is like, “You’re asking us to assume that SCOW will rule this law to be applied retroactively, right?”

She agreed, stating that that’s how they always come down on laws like this. No reason to think they’ll come down differently here.

But Justice Roberts was like, “You know, for us to moot a case, we need some certainty, and courts are kinda unpredictable.”

She surprisingly said she understood, acknowledging justice Roberts may have a point.

Chief Justice John Roberts

She pointed out though, that the opposition are being rather speculative. They don’t come to court today with any claim of harm or damages, nor do they seek any remedy for them.

They’re asking the court to prevent future damages they fear may occur. But we’re telling you they won’t, and we have good reason to argue as much.

Justice Kagan, being skeptical that she had overcome the high bar SCOTUS has for mooting the case (basically knowing how SCOW will rule), she asked, “Do you have any precedent where we mooted a case just based on previous similar ruling from a lower court, and thus assumptions about how they’d come down on a case we’re considering?”

She didn’t seem to have any cases to cite, but argued that the court could do it if they want.

Justice Gorsuch, jumping on Kagan’s question was like, “By what authority would we just vacate the lower court’s decision, if it’s not moot?”

Counsel Heintz again, surprisingly admitted she didn’t have an answer for that. Justice Gorsuch chuckled and said he didn’t either, and they moved on.

Justice Stephen “Crazy Hypothetical” Breyer, who’d apparently been working on this hypothetical for days, was like, “OK, the old law was about a geographical area, specifically, the Hanford site, and people who worked there, who just happened to be all federal workers.

The new law says it applies to any structure and its lands.

Now imagine, some people who work on the river cleaning out muskrat nests. (Yes, he really said this)

These muskrats pick up some of this radioactive waste, and transport it to their nests. The people cleaning those nests are now exposed to danger, but they’re not near any “structure and its land.”

So what about those workers? You say the new law is very specific, but I’m betting the law doesn’t say a fucking thing about muskrats and their nests. So, I say, it isn’t clear.

What do you say to that?”

She was like, “First of all, you need to stop hitting acid before you come into the courtroom. Secondly, you’d review their case solely on the text of the new law. “

But justice Breyer was like, “But imagine these people filed fourteen claims under the old law, and they won the first thirteen under the old law, but 14 isn’t decided yet. Now, the federal government wants their money back on the first 13, and they want the worker to lose on claim 14, even though the precedent was decided in the first 13 that they won. What say you?”

She was like, “Claim 14 is independent. The 13 previous have no effect on the pending 14th claim, which can only consider the new law’s text.”

Justice Alito then asked, “If this old law is so dead, why do you care if we invalidate it?”

Associate Justice Samuel Alito

Her response seemed to suggest that she was simply trying to save the justices some time. Not sure I buy that argument.

I think the concern for them is that if SCOTUS issues a broad ruling, it could fuck up their new law, too. But if they moot the case, then nothing changes for them.

Justice Alito then asked if the 1936 waiver law allows the state to single out a particular federal facility by name?

She agreed that it could, and that in fact, when the 1936 waiver was enacted, states were already doing that. So this is why she thinks the oppositions argument is invalid.

It’s also worth noting, that this seems to only apply to workers contracted by the federal government. Federal workers are covered by the Federal Employee Compensation Act (FECA). She wants to be able to discriminate against these workers who are specifically, not employees of the federal government, just simply paid and contracted by them.

You might have thought that Justice Stephen “Crazy Hypotheticals” Breyer had worked so hard on his muskrat hypo, that he was exhausted. But he was not.

Associate Justice Stephen Breyer

He then jumped in with this:

I mean, that is exactly the question that is bothering me.

I mean, one day in the legislature a group of federal employees from Hanford show up and they say: You know, it’s tough being a federal employee.

People in the state make much more money.

We have more dangerous jobs.

And the state laws generally are pretty fair to their workers, but try working for the federal government.

This is supposed to strike a chord of agreement. So they say: Now you can’t do much for us because you’re a state legislature, but I’ll tell you one thing you can do.

What you could do for you is you give us, if we’re hurt, and define hurt very broadly, please, so that if we’re even hurt a little bit, we get millions. Now we’ve got to watch that number but, really, it’s high.

And you know the wonderful thing? If you make private employers pay this in the State of Washington, they are voters, so you have to worry about them. And if the government pays for it in the state, well, that’s a problem, you’re going to have to raise taxes.

But do you know who’s paying for this one? The feds.

The feds will pay, the taxpayers in the other states.

So let’s go and really hit the ceiling and we’ll really pay a lot of money and we won’t have to pay for it. Okay.

I know projects like that.

I won’t say which they are, but there we are. Now, to me, did I think Congress intended that? Hmm.

It’s going to take quite a lot of doing before I think they wanted that result.

Now that’s that’s where I am.

So what do you think?

Counsel Heintz responded by pointing out that if congress doesn’t like it, they can always amend the waiver—that’s their right. It’s a broad check against the abuses Justice Breyer outlined in his hypothetical.

Justice Kagan, not interested in hypotheticals like Breyer, glommed on to his line of questioning, though. She asked:

Ms. Heintz, I think the question was really a question of, like, you know, maybe you’re right about the text, but why would Congress have done that? I mean, we can’t really believe that that’s what Congress meant to do. And if you take all the other statutes which you gave us and you said, look, the text is different, and you’re right, the text is different. But, at the same time, we know that Congress has a kind of modus operandi with respect to this, and it basically always says whatever you do elsewhere you can do for facilities like Hanford. It doesn’t say, you know, whatever you could dream of doing elsewhere but actually wouldn’t you could do to federal facilities. And I think that that’s what Justice Breyer is asking.

Like, what sensible Congress would have written the statute the way you say it ought to be read?

Associate Justice Elena Kagan

Counsel Heintz was like, “The federal contractors participated in the political process when the waiver was written. So congress was aware of their concerns and where the shit might go when they wrote the waiver.

Sure, maybe congress didn’t expect us to go THIS far, but they already knew there were other rules like this, that singled out specific facilities.

She also points out that the Hanford site is the riskiest environment in the country to work in. So they surely also knew that special rules might be needed for this fucking place.

Justice Barrett question if the 1936 waiver’s language seemed to be aimed at regulatory agencies, not the state legislature.

Meaning, does the waiver apply to the state passing laws, or only to the regulatory agencies in the state passing regulations? If it’s the latter, then that assumes there’s already a law on the books creating an agency and giving them the power to regulate this.

She seemed to be hinting at the idea that the waiver was granted based on statutes that already existed, and the waiver was responding to them. So if there were new laws passed, would that potentially invalidate the waiver, and require a new waiver to be passed before they could do this?

They agreed, that sounds crazy. But Justice Barrett was essentially arguing that the waiver is directed towards the regulatory agency, not the legislature. But it’s the legislature who enacted the new statute.

Counsel Heintz argued that the waiver did not specifically distinguish between laws and regulations, and as such, the waiver should apply to the new law.

In a unanimous opinion, authored by Justice Breyer, counsel Wentz was unimpressive in her arguments, and the state law is invalidated. When the federal government waived immunity, it certainly didn’t anticipate that the states would bend them over and fuck them in the ass in ways it wouldn’t dream of doing, if the state or local businesses were paying for it.

Hear oral arguments or read about the case here at Oyez or at SCOTUSBlog.

Average Joe SCOTUS: Torres v. Texas Department of Public Safety

In the United States, we treat our military with a certain amount of reverence and care.

I assume most people know, that if you’re enlisted in the reserves or National Guard, which are temporary military roles where you serve a handful of weeks a year, and one weekend a month, that your employer cannot discriminate against you in some way, for doing this, either before you were employed with them, or during so.

Meaning, if you were enlisted first, and apply for a position, your employer can’t decline to hire you, because of your military status.

If you were employed first, and then opt to join the reserves after, same principle. You’re company cannot fire you, because they know you’ll now be missing time, that you otherwise wouldn’t, playing with guns, tanks, airplanes, and shit.

This is due to a law known as the Uniformed Services Employment and Reemployment Rights Act (USERRA).

Another facet of this law however, is if you happen to get called to go kill some fucking terrorists, or other random enemies of the United States, your employer must have a job for you, when you come back.

It’s not so much that they have to keep your job open—that’s unfair to just not have that work done at all, while you’re gone.

So, when a soldier returns home, if their employer can return them to that job, great. Otherwise, a job of similar work, and equal or better pay, will suffice as well. Basically, the soldier shouldn’t be harmed or underpaid in any way, because they were missing for a year or two, snuffing out some assholes on your behalf.

Now that you understand that, in walks a damn-fine American, Leroy Torres, who joined the Army Reserves in 1989, became a Texas state trooper in 1998, then in 2007, got sent to Iraq to fuck some shit up.

However, while in Iraq, what got fucked up, were his lungs. So in 2008, he was honorably discharged for medical reasons.

Our military has a long history of doing whatever it takes to get shit done, sometimes throwing caution to the wind. A less than glorious part of this in Iraq, was getting rid of chemical waste and other dangerous things which they felt needed to be destroyed.

Did the Army create special hazmat disposal sites, with fancy equipment and shit to protect people getting rid of it?

Well…

Clip of the federal government responding to soldiers asking for special hazmat disposal equipment in Iraq

Instead, they dug some big fucking holes, tossed the shit in, and like any real man would do, lit that shit on fire—it’s our love language.

But as you can imagine, the fumes did some serious, and irreparable harm to these fine men and women, engaging in extreme s’more manufacturing.

Let’s be clear about what he endured. A shitload of ER visits, which the Veterans Administration tried to deny paying for, attempts to deal with his condition with unproven alternative therapies, which us pro-science people consider especially heinous, as it’s often charlatans bilking people in need, with therapies that have no evidence supporting them. Then, most sadly, he made a choice to deal with it in the ultimate way—committing an act of suicide, which was thankfully unsuccessful.

Iraq Burn Pits

Seriously, any soldiers who may stumble upon this, know you are loved, respected, and cared about. Please don’t ever consider ending your own life.

Seek help—there is so much available to you, both professionally, and from family and friends. Never be afraid to tell people how you’re feeling. No one will judge you negatively for it.

I have many veteran friends, and I’d be honored if they came to me to talk about their struggles—certainly not bothered in any way. I promise I’m not unique in this.

The people around you, that you think would be better off if you were gone, absolutely do NOT think they’d be better off if you were gone. They love you and care about you, and would miss you immeasurably if you were.

We all have our pride, but never let pride get in the way of asking for help. There are people out there who are fucking great at helping you deal with these things. Let them do their job, and you fight the most important fight of all—being around for your loved ones.

Here are some links to assist you:

Veterans Crisis Line

Veteran Suicide Prevention

Veteran and Military Suicide Prevention Resources

So why are we here at the Supreme Court?

Well, his health issues really tested the limits of USERRA. He could no longer carry out the duties of working for the Texas Department of Public Safety (DPS) as a Texas State Trooper. The only job they had for him, was a low-level temp job, which he wasn’t interested in, as it felt pretty demeaning and unfair to him.

Leroy Torres

So Torres argued that he was effectively being discriminated against because of his military service and ensuing physical injury, which USERRA prohibits.

Torres would go on to become quite the champion of his fellow burn pit victims, and eventually help to create the PACT Act, which aimed to make sure other burn pit victims didn’t have the VA issues Torres did. It was eventually signed into law by President Biden.

I don’t want to deviate too much from the case, just know that the issues arose from the VA not acknowledging that the illnesses these soldiers faced, were because of the burn pits. As such, they denied covering them. It was an especially heinous act from whomever was running the VA at the time.

So, is this why were at SCOTUS?

Well, no.

I don’t know if we’ve really talked in detail about this, so let’s cover it now. I know we’ve covered that SCOTUS is almost always an appellate court —as opposed to original jurisdiction.

The way appeals work, and I’m simplifying, is you have your initial day in court. Along the way, you think the judge or the opposition, are unfairly harming you and your case. So you (via your lawyer) yell…

I know on TV, it just looks like a baller thing to do. But it also is a legal distinction that you’re putting on the record.

Imagine you lose the objection, and the judge overrules it, then you end up losing. If you believe the objection was valid, and it being overruled was the reason you lost the case, you can appeal that objection.

What people tend to think, is if you lose a case, you go to an appellate court, and they hear the whole fucking case again. Well, they don’t.

If you’ve listened to any of these oral arguments, think back on them, and you’ll see what I mean.

All the appellate court does, is hear the arguments about your objection, decide if it was wrongly overruled (or vice versa, if the opposition objected and it was sustained).

If they agree with you, they basically correct the overruling, send that shit back to the lower court to re-review, potentially rehear the case, and then redecide based on the new standard they set.

So in this case, the issue at hand for SCOTUS to decide is whether USERRA is allowed to step all over Texas and its state sovereignty, and allow Torres to sue Texas.

Texas however, argues that the federal government, via USERRA, has no fucking right to tell Texas Super Troopers to take better care of Torres.

If Torres wins, then Texas cannot make the argument that it’s their sovereign right to employ Torres how they want. Got it?

On to the arguments.


First up, counsel Andrew Tutt, in his first time arguing before SCOTUS, representing Mr. Torres

He opened by pointing to the constitution’s language on the federal government’s power to have a military, and defend the nation with it. Then, he argued, only a fucking idiot would think that the states would have a right to interfere or reject that power.

As such, USERRA, plays a pivotal role, in the federal government’s ability to build a fucking military. Who the fuck would join the reserves if the federal government didn’t have the power to make and enforce laws like USERRA?

So it follows that DPS are fucking idiots.

He was stumbling over his words a good bit, at least enough for me to remark on it, but hey, it is his first time here. I’ll cut him some slack.

Andrew Tutt

At issue is whether the federal government can pass a law allowing private citizens to sue a state.

Justices Roberts started by asking about previous cases Allen and Katz.

We’ll talk about Allen first, which is from 2019 case Allen v. Cooper. In that case, a photographer had taken photos of Blackbeard’s Treasure, which were taken in North Carolina. NC liked the photos so much, they put them on their own website, without even asking Allen permission to do so.

He sued the state for copyright infringement. But NC showed him, they passed “Blackbeard’s Law” which basically said they couldn’t be sued for using works which the federal government had copyrighted. Cheeky naming the law after a fucking thief, which they then used to steal someone else’s work.

It was eventually repealed in 2023.

SCOTUS agreed in that case, that the state had a right to pass such a law, and that law trumped federal law protecting copyright holders. Therefore, Allen was shit outta luck, getting NC to pay him for their use of his photos. In so doing, SCOTUS invalidated the federal law called the Copyright Remedy Clarification Act (CRCA).

This matters for our case today, because it basically says that the states can tell the federal government to go fuck itself, under certain conditions.

Conversely, Katz is a 2005 case called Central Virginia Community College v. Katz. This dude named Katz was owed some money from several state-run colleges, through bankruptcy. Virginia tried to argue state sovereign immunity meant they couldn’t be sued. But the SCOTUS at that time said the federal bankruptcy laws trump state sovereign immunity, and they have to pay.

Supreme Court of the United States Chief Justice John Roberts

So you see the conflict here. Allen accepted the states could pass a law preventing themselves from being sued, but Katz said states couldn’t just not pay someone they owed, because federal bankruptcy laws trumped any state law saying it didn’t have to pay.

Torres, in his briefs, cites Katz to support his case. But Justice Roberts’ question was asking, if Allen seems to be so contradictory to Katz, doesn’t it stand that Katz was narrowly decided on just bankruptcy grands, and not trumping state sovereign immunity altogether?

Justices Barrett and Kagan also seemed very curious about this point.

Counsel Tutt seemed to suggest that these two don’t conflict with each other, because one is about canceling state sovereignty altogether, whereas the other is merely about a waiver under certain circumstances.

Justice Barrett suggested that the difference seemed to be that bankruptcy, and eminent domain powers, which override state sovereignty, are the result of court proceedings. Suggesting that you’d have to get some victory in court, before you can tell the state to go pound sand up their ass.

But in Torres’ case, he’s relying on some federal law invalidating a state’s sovereignty, as opposed to constitutional powers, or a court decision.

Justice Kagan, being confused by his rational, asked:

Complete the sentence for me. The war powers are different because what?

Associate Justice Elena Kagan

Counsel Tutt replied:

The war powers are different because they are conferred unconditionally and without qualification.

His argument going back to his opening statement, that the framers intended for the government to be able to form an army, or militia, in times of need. And that since there was no land that wasn’t part of a state, the war powers would have no men to choose from, if they didn’t pluck them from the states.

Justice Kagan asked about a similar situation where the federal government, to protect native American rights, passed the Indian Commerce Clause, which purported to tell the states, they had no authority over Indian tribal lands, and SCOTUS then told congress, they could suck a giant Indian dick.

Justice Kagan, kept hammering, saying that they seem to be asking the question that during the framing of the constitution, they would have had certain expectations about what state’s had as rights, and what they didn’t. She was having a hard time expecting that the states wanted to allow the federal government to force them to give a militia person a cushy job.

Counsel Tutt again pointed out that the constitution makes it very clear, that the federal government’s war powers are sacrosanct. Whereas the federal government’s rights to tell states they have no power over native Americans, isn’t covered in the constitution in any way, and was just a power-grab attempt by congress that the court rightfully struck down.

Justice Barrett agreed that the war powers were rather strong, from the federal government, and that the government could sue Texas over this, if it wanted to. But where does it give Torres himself this power to sue them?

Associate Justice Amy Coney Barrett

Counsel Tutt was like, “the federal government, when it passed USERRA, knew that the best way to protect those rights, was to give them to the people it was intending to protect, the power to sue on their own, so they wouldn’t rely on the federal government.

We all know, government workers are inefficient and lazy (except for you assholes in robes), so better to remove them from the equation.

He even cited that there had been thousands of examples where people did attempt to go through the department of labor, and those worthless fucks did nothing in all but nine cases.

Justice Alito then chimed in and pointed out that the federal interstate highway system was created under war powers, and forces states to build the interstates within their borders (with funding from the federal government).

That may be new info to some, but after seeing how well the autobahn worked in Germany during WW2, to move German troops where they were needed efficiently and quickly, the US federal government we should do something similar.

So Alito asked, can someone sue their state for having a shitty interstate highway that damages their car?

Tutt seemed rather surprised by this question, but trying to think quickly on his feet, simply suggested that there may be a limit on the war powers, that the federal government imposes on itself, but that the states don’t get to limit it.

He pointed out that while congress used the war powers to justify the interstate highway system, that is just a connection they made, and certainly not what the framers had in mind when they created the war powers.

However, recruiting soldiers sure as fuck is. It’s pretty much the one thing that has to be part of the war powers.

He goes on to say that Texas seems to think that the constitution considered the war-making powers strong, but still wanted the states to retain power to rebuke those powers where it saw fit, and he thinks that’s just fucking nonsense. He argues that they instead, specifically gave up that authority in this context.

Justice Thomas sought to understand where there were instances of state sovereignty being waived for money damage suits?

Associate Justice Clarence Thomas

Counsel Tutt pointed out several instances where the federal government had sued states for monetary damages.

But then Justice Thomas was like, “I’m not too fucking concerned about the US government, I’m concerned about private people suing states.”

But counsel Tutt was like, “That shit matters, Justice Thomas. Because these assholes over h’yar, say that if this case had all the same facts, but were The United States v. Texas Department of Public Safety, they’d wouldn’t have fought it.

So we’re saying, that it shouldn’t matter who’s suing, what matters is the merits of the claim.

One thing that is often brought up in this case, is a “Plan of Convention” argument, versus abrogation.

Yeah, I had to look that shit up, too.

So, in order to protect states from just having law suits falling out of their ass like never-ending diarrhea, the states are indemnified from the people suing them, except where they specifically agree to be sued.

I know it sounds kinda fucked up that states have to agree to being sued. When would they ever consent to be sued? That sounds weird.

Well, they don’t mean, like, “OK, you can bring this suit against us.” They’re referring to a time where they accept that they’re not immune (or are sovereign) in certain instances, then down the road, one of those instances occurs.

“Plan of the convention” refers to the meetings the states had, when creating the constitution.

Constitutional Convention

So counsel Tutt’s argument is basically saying, that by the states ratifying the constitution, including the war powers clause, they consented, or waived the right to immunity, over any violation of the war powers clause at convention of states, when they created the constitution.

So his argument is, that there’s no need for the courts to cite precedent, laws, or anything else. This is a “Plan of Convention” waiver of state sovereignty.

It gets tricky for him, because other constitutional issues, like commerce, coining money, and a bunch of other shit, haven’t traditionally been considered to override state sovereign immunity, and the justices have repeatedly sought to understand why counsel Tutt thinks this is different.

His argument is that the war powers provision, is fundamental, to the whole of this nation, to protect itself from not being a nation anymore. Those other punk ass provisions, deal with how the nation should operate among the states. So since the states sort of compete with one another in our commerce system, they band together to defend the nation. That seems to be his distinction on that.

Abrogation, on the other hand, is the federal government, or SCOTUS telling the states, “Fuck you, you can be sued for this shit.” This derives from the 14th amendment, which forbade states to allow slavery, and required due process under the law, as well as other shit. So the federal government effectively took power away from the states after the constitution had been originally drafted.

14th Amendment to the United States Constitution

In simple terms, “Plan of convention” is voluntary, abrogation is imposed.

Next up, we have counsel Christopher Michel, representing the United States, as an amici for Torres. The United States is not directly involved in the suit, but they have enough of an interest, that they were allowed to participate in the hearing.

He came in hot, by saying, “You assholes have NEVER put a limitation on the constitution’s war-powers, and USERRA is vital to that effort. So you’ve got no business giving Texas the power to limit that shit now.”

Justice Neil “Golden Voice” Gorsuch asked, “what are the fucking limits of these constitutional waivers? Can anyone bring any fucking suit to any state over anything that seems tacitly related to the constitutional powers. This shit could get pretty ridiculous, no?”

He then referenced, going back to Alito’s point about the highway system, could someone sue the state for punitive damages because there was a pothole on the highway that damaged their car?

He was then like, “Why couldn’t congress just conscript people? That shit worked for a while. They didn’t have to make this USERRA statute. So why is USERRA connected to the constitution when there are other ways to ensure we have soldiers to fight wars.

Christopher Michel

Counsel Michel’s response didn’t really seem to answer the question specifically. He acknowledged, the pothole argument would be much tougher to defend, and likely wouldn’t stand up.

But he didn’t really draw much of a distinction. Also didn’t address conscription.

He seemingly answered the question he wanted Gorsuch to ask, and just made it clear, that he didn’t see a clear path to draft an Army without USERRA, and therefore, rejecting it as a violation of state sovereignty, against suits from individuals, violates the principles the war-power clause defined.

He then went on to point out to questions from Justice Kavanaugh, that one of the first things volunteers for the reserves and the National Guard ask about when considering joining, is “what about my civilian job?” It’s a major concern, and a huge factor in their choice to volunteer.

Last up: Counsel Judd E. Stone

He chimed in with a distinction mentioned earlier. That states didn’t sign away their fucking sovereignty to private citizens—it signed it over to the federal government. So if the United States wants to sue Texas over this shit, we would accept it. I know they’re here as an amici, but they didn’t see fit to file for Mr. Torres.

The states can’t just let every Tom, Dick, and Harry fucking sue us.

I think what’s also at issue here, is monetary damages. If Torres just wanted them to give him a job or something, the US might have filed for him. But he’s also demanding monetary damages, and I think that’s ultimately what Texas is pissed about, and why the United States isn’t the opposing party.

Judd Stone

Justice Roberts first asked about the other side’s argument regarding “Plan of Convention” waivers.

Counsel agreed, this is their strongest argument, however, he indicates that these waivers are about what the states gave away, and what they didn’t.

In other words, they expected the federal government to field an Army, and are willing to concede that power to the federal government.

He believes, however, that in no way, did the states anticipate a law like USERRA, then people suing for monetary damages over it, and therefore would not have consented to be sued over such things.

Justice Kavanaugh then asked, “We allow private suits in bankruptcy, such as Katz, and we also allow them in eminent domain suits, FMLA violation suits, etc., so why not for war-powers issues?”

Counsel Stone responded that these other decisions, such as Katz, were narrowly suited to those particular issues, which were not war-powers issues. So as much as they may seem similar, they’re not the same, and therefore don’t apply here.

Justice Kagan asked, “In what fucking world, could people sue under eminent domain, and somehow not be able to sue under the war-powers clause? Certainly war powers are more important to national security than eminent domain, right?”

Associate Justice Elena Kagan

Counsel Stone agreed that war powers are obviously pretty fucking important. But he argued that while no one doubts the federal government possesses the right to declare war and field an army, it didn’t grant the right for the people to sue the states over a law, that’s related to fielding an army. The states may have wanted to keep the power to determine for themselves, how best to provide the federal government with soldiers.

For instance, some states might want conscription, while others wants volunteers. There’s no evidence that the states gave the federal government the power to decide this issue for them.

Justice Barrett then asked, “If the states gave up this huge power to field and army and go to war, why would they seek to retain power over how to field the army. That seems rather irrelevant compared to what they gave up, right?”

He was like, “Nope. They guarded the hell outta that shit. If they didn’t specifically give it up, they have every right to expect to keep it.”

Justice Barrett then asked about the potential for states thwarting war efforts. For instance, after Vietnam, there was a lot of condemnation by states over the war, and many soldiers didn’t get the hero’s welcome they deserved upon returning home. So if DPS wins, can they then decide, for instance, if the US opts to get involved in helping Ukraine, that they don’t think it’s a good war, and refuse to participate with their soldiers?

Associate Justice Amy Coney Barrett

Counsel Stone responded that the US is perfectly fine to file suit against Texas, and in this scenario, would. That’s different from here, where Torres himself is filing suit.

Finally, in rebuttal, counsel Tutt reminded the court, that in the Federalist papers #23, Hamilton said that war powers ought to exist without limitation, because it’s impossible to see into the fucking future and know what’s needed.

This mother fucker on the other side of the aisle, is trying to limit it, and he’s fucking wrong for doing so. That’s all I got.

In a bipartisan majority, where justice Roberts and Kavanaugh joined Justices Breyer, Kagan, and Sotomayor, Torres came out victories.

They agree that by joining the United States, they agreed to give the federal government the power it needed to wage war, which extends to a private individual suing them, if the state were to violate a war-powers federal statute.

The remaining justices, wary of giving the federal government such unrestricted powers, disagreed. Their opinion hinged around giving private parties to sue, in relation to these federal powers. They felt that was just a step too god damn far.

Hear oral arguments, and read about the case, and the opinion here at OYEZ.