Category Archives: SCOTUS For The Average Joe

Average Joe SCOTUS – Rimini Street, Inc. v. Oracle USA, Inc.

Rimini Street Inc (RSI) was a software support company. Oracle, the makers of a software RSI supported. Rimini tried their best to honor Oracle’s copyrights, but Oracle felt RSI was using their shit without their consent in a way they’d have never agreed to.

Oracle sued, and won, for copyright infringement. But this isn’t the nature of the SCOTUS case. What RSI wanted, was a partial refund on the judgement. Oracle had been awarded legal fees, such as money for expert witness testimony and shit like that.

Based on 17 U.S.C. § 505, it says that litigants can recover “full costs” and then goes on to define them in “28 U.S. Code § 1920.Taxation of costs” as shown below in a post from Cornell.

A judge or clerk of any court of the United States may tax as costs the following:

(1) Fees of the clerk and marshal;
(2) Fees for printed or electronically recorded transcripts necessarily obtained for use in the case;
(3) Fees and disbursements for printing and witnesses;
(4) Fees for exemplification and the costs of making copies of any materials where the copies are necessarily obtained for use in the case;
(5) Docket fees under section 1923 of this title;
(6) Compensation of court appointed experts, compensation of interpreters, and salaries, fees, expenses, and costs of special interpretation services under section 1828 of this title.

So now Rimini was all like, show me in 28 U.S. Code § 1920 where it says a single fucking thing about attorney fees, expert witness fees, and shit like that!

Oracle was all like, “See you in court, bitches!”

As usual, SCOTUS thinks the Ninth circuit are a bunch of fucking morons. When they ruled in Twentieth Century Fox v. Entertainment Distribution that “All costs” means “All costs” instead of just the costs outlined above in 28 U.S. Code § 1920, they must’ve been stoned AF.

9:0 Judgement for Rimini Street Inc.

Average Joe SCOTUS – Franchise Tax Board of California v. Hyatt

Gilbert P. Hyatt was an inventor in the IT industry. Eventually, he invented some shit that was actually useful and the cash started rolling in.

Hyatt lived in California, and I don’t think we need to talk about the way the California tax code rapes the people who live there. Hyatt decided he didn’t want to be a victim, and fled to glorious Nevada. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas—including Hyatt’s income, or so he thought.

Some communist California official saw articles on Hyatt back in 1993, specifically how much cash he was rolling in, and was like, “I want me some of that!” Communists LOVE other people’s money.

So when this douche-bag from California saw Hyatt had left California, they went about harassing the hell out of him. Claimed he owed 4.5 million-ish in taxes and penalties to the state of California. They felt like his apartment in Nevada was just to avoid paying California taxes, and that he still really resided in California, presumably living with someone else or something to make it look like he didn’t really live there. Side note:  If that’s true, he’s my hero.

Hyatt sued California in his new home state of Nevada saying they were harassing him, and that he didn’t owe them a fucking dime. As a matter of fact, he wanted them to pay him pain and suffering and shit.

Apparently Nevada REALLY doesn’t like California, because they awarded Hyatt $85M for emotional distress, $52M for invasion of privacy, and $250M in punitive damages. $387 million dollars, y’all!

California was all like, “this is some bullshit! State sovereignty motherfuckers! Do you speak it?”

State sovereignty has a history in English law, which was basically to protect the king from being sued, because those crooked-tooth motherfuckers thought the king was more perfect than Sofia Vergara’s face (which science has proved impossible).

How state sovereignty in the United States is even a thing is pretty ridiculous. It’s about as un-American as a French accent.

But back in 1793, a dude from South Carolina in Chisholm v. Georgia sued Georgia for unpaid war debts. The SCOTUS of that time ruled for Chisholm, and left Georgia pretty fucking pissed.

So pissed in fact, that Georgia convinced other states that people were going to start suing the fuck out of them, too. So scared were those twats, that a couple years later, they amended the constitution with #11.

The intent was basically to say that the federal government couldn’t tell the states how to run their state—basically, mind your own fucking business, feds. But it also became clear that the states were somehow granting themselves the right to determine if they could be sued or not. Like that’s not a conflict of interest or anything.

So back to this wily mother fucker Hyatt. There was another suit Nevada v. Hall in 1979 that basically said one citizen of one state can sue another. They ruled 11a was merely to tell the federal government to stay out of it, but states could sue other states all they wanted. Now current SCOTUS was being asked to overrule that shit.

The right wing of current SCOTUS proving that they’re not the limited government people you think they are, decided that the old 1979 SCOTUS were a bunch of out of touch old geezers, and overruled those motherfuckers 5:4. Hell, most of them are dead anyway, what are they going to do about it?

The left-wing of SCOTUS dissented. It wasn’t so much that they were proving that they’re not the communists they think they are, but instead, that they think overruling a previous SCOTUS is in bad taste and leads to instability and insecurity within the court system.

Judgement for California. Too bad, so sad, Hyatt.

Read about the case and/or hear oral arguments here.

Average Joe SCOTUS – Obduskey v. McCarthy & Holthus LLP.

Some deadbeat named Obduskey financed a house in 2007. By 2009, he couldn’t be bothered to send in payments like the deadbeat that he was.

So Wells Fargo, the people who loaned the money to that deadbeat motherfucker, hired McCarthy & Holthus to do a non-judicial foreclosure on the home. (Non-Judicial just means they tried to privately collect the debt, vs take him to court and get a judgement against him.)

M&H did their thing, and Obduskey knew the jig was up. But this squirrely motherfucker was trying to avoid getting his ass kicked out. So he wrote some bullshit letter trying to dispute the debt. He wasn’t paying, yet somehow, he wanted to quibble over how much he owed them, instead of accepting that he just stopped paying altogether. I don’t even know this piece of shit, and I want to slap him.

Anyway, There’s some bullshit law called Fair Debt Collection Practices Act (FDCPA) which basically protects the consumers from harassing debt collectors. Never mind the poor debt holders that got screwed over by these dead beats—fuck them. What is wrong with our country that a dead beat has more protection under the law, than the people who loaned them money and got screwed by the deadbeat in the first place?

Sorry, I keep getting off track.

One of the rules of the FDCPA is that if the person sends written intent to dispute the debt, debt collections have to stop until it can be resolved.

But M&H said,

SCOTUS was asked to decide if the FDCPA apply to non-judicial foreclosure?

All nine told Obduskey to go fuck himself. A foreclosure is an attempt to recover the property so they can be made whole, not collect a debt. Meaning, they’ll sell his shit and get their money, and aren’t trying to get Obduskey to pay like a traditional debt collector.

Hear oral arguments and read about the case here.

Average Joe SCOTUS – Fourth Estate Public Benefit Corp. v.

The people at Fourth Estate Public Benefit Corp. (FEPBC) write news and shit. So do the people at (WS). FEPBC then license people to use their content to groups like WS to use, which WS opted to do, because they’re lazy and can’t write their own shit apparently. Who knows?

Under license agreements with FEPBC, if WS decided to cancel their license subscription, they were supposed to remove the content. But WS was like, “Fuck all that, we’ve got more important shit to do. And besides, you don’t even have a copyright for that content, bitch!”

Here’s the rub. FEPBC had submitted paperwork to have their shit copyrighted, but it hadn’t yet been approved. So FEPBC was like, “We do have a copyright you asshat, remove our comment from your site post-haste!”

But then WS was all like, “If it ain’t registered, and you didn’t get that funny little letter saying as much, you don’t have jack shit—we’re leaving it up. Eat a bag of dicks.”

SCOTUS was asked to decide if a copyright was valid from the time it was applied for, or the time it was granted.

All nine sided with and told FEPBC that, “you have a copyright when we say you have a copyright motherfucker, and not a moment earlier. Now fuck off.” Judgement for

Read about the case and hear oral arguments here.


Average Joe SCOTUS – Herrera v. Wyoming

Herrera, a member of the Crow Tribe of Native Americans, was elk hunting on reservation land. Apparently, one of the wily elk decided to run for the border, and leave the reservation for a park that belonged to the state of Wyoming. It was the elk’s “Nana-nana-boo-boo” moment.

Herrera was not bothered by such borders however, followed the elk into the park, and Elmer Fudded that fur-ball with horns when he got his shot.

Herrera was busted by Wyoming for hunting elk off the reservation out of season and without a license in a state park.

Herrera was like, “Hold on, you mother fuckers. We had an 1868 treaty with Wyoming before it was even a state that allowed us to do this shit. It said we can hunt on any unoccupied land here. And this shit is unoccupied AF.”

But then Wyoming was like, “Listen. When Wyoming became a state, that treaty was basically toilet paper. And while we’re at it, this shit it occupied. There’s just no one living on it because we made it a state park.”

So now Herrera was like, “This is some bullshit, right here. Help me out, SCOTUS”

The left-wing part of SCOTUS, along with Gorsuch were like, “No problem Herrera. Fuck you Wyoming. He can hunt there. Just because we were nice enough to let you be a state in the greatest mother fucking country in the world, doesn’t mean you get out of all your treaties. And seriously, how the fuck you going to call a state park occupied? What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you serious right now?”

Judgement for Herrera

You can hear oral arguments or read about the case here.


Average Joe SCOTUS – District of Columbia v. Heller (CLASSIC)

Washing D.C. had some serious issues with gun injuries in the home, and so those motherfuckers sought to cut down on the number of guns in D.C. One problem—2nd amendment, y’all!

So what did they do? What every corrupt rights-infringing congressperson does, they crafted a law that violated the principles of 2A, without violating the letter of it, or so they thought.

They said a gun in the house should be unloaded and disassembled, or have a trigger lock on it. And even to have one, you had to register it and get a license, which D.C. often denied.

Heller was a local cop, and they even denied his application? Like how the hell is a cop not given a license? Who exactly gets one if not a cop?

So Heller was like, “Enough of this shit, we’re going to SCOTUS to sort this out right meow!”

D.C. tried to argue the “militia” clause made 2A a right for localities to form militias, and 2A was not an individual right to own a gun. Which is what any serial rights violator would argue, if they were trying to rape your rights.

But Heller was all like, “The right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed means exactly what the fuck it means.”

In a landmark decision, SCOTUS ruled 5-4 in favor of Heller. They told D.C., “Listen mother fuckers, you can take your oppressive bullshit and shove it squarely up your ass.”

The late and great Justice Antonin Scalia even took the extra step of delivering his opinion verbally because he wasn’t playing!

I’ve written about the 2nd amendment more seriously here.

Read about the case and hear both the oral arguments and Scalia’s passionate oral opinion here.

Average Joe SCOTUS – Gamble v. United States

Terance Gamble was a felon who believed he still had his 2nd amendment rights, apparently. But legally, he did not. Felons aren’t allowed to have guns, y’all.

Gamble said, “Fuck you, I’m getting a gun.” And, so he did. His dumb ass got pulled over, and the cops found his gat.

Alabama threw his ass in jail for a year, in violation of the law which prevents felons from having a gun. Additionally, federal prosecutors decided that wanted to tack on another 34 months, because they ain’t playin’, dog.

Gamble was like, “Hold the fuck on a minute. Double jeopardy you sonsabitches! The 5th amendment protects me from this shit. I can’t be tried twice for the same crime.”

So SCOTUS was asked to determine if double jeopardy only applies to one government entity, or all government entities within the United States. One prosecution was by Alabama, one by the United States, something they called separate sovereigns.

SCOTUS sided 7-2 for the United States. Neil Gorsuch and Notorius RBG correctly (IMO) sided with Gamble. This decision makes my libertarian butthole hurt.

Hear oral arguments or read about the case here.