Average Joe SCOTUS: United States v. Tsarnaev

If the name Dzhokhar Tsarnaev looks familiar to you, it’s because it’s the dipshit who decided to blow up the Boston Marathon with his asshole brother. He killed three people, but hundreds were injured.

As you may know, his efforts earned him a justifiable one way trip to ride the lightning.

While on death row, the US Court of Appeals First Circuit threw out his death penalty ruling. Their argument was twofold. They believed that the courts didn’t do a good job scrutinizing jurors to see if they had watched any news about the bombing. But it was a national fucking story. The judge in the case screened a LOT of fucking jurors, and even spent 21 days with these nine angry fucks, probing the shit out of them to make sure that even if they had seen news stories, they exhibited signs they could be swayed by the evidence at trial, as opposed to having their mind made up before the trial even started.

Not sure where the hell you’d find nine people who hadn’t heard about it, unless you had nine homeless jurors from the midwest or something.

They also raised concerns about the fact the jurors didn’t hear about his scumbag brother Tamerlan who was also involved. Dzhokar and Tamerlan shot an MIT police officer in the head, then stole an SUV from a student. Somehow, Dzhokar managed to run over Tamerlan with the stolen SUV and killed him, saving the state from having to put both these fuckheads on trial. But the argument being made, is that Tamerlan may have been overly influential to Dzhokar, and Dzhoker somehow would have been an innocent little flower, had he not been influenced by Tamerlan.

Counsel for the US made a pretty compelling argument that since Dzhokar killed Tamerlan, it’s pretty convenient to throw blame on that prick, he’s fucking dead. He can’t cross examine anyone. He can’t deny the accusations against him. He’s the best fucking patsy you could ask for.

Curiously, despite Biden superseding Trump, having been on record as being in favor of ending the federal death penalty, apparently is keen to light this little piece of shit up like a Christmas tree. They are the ones pursuing it after all.

Tsarnaev’s counsel argues that in typical cases like this, the judge at the trial hearing would usually ask jurors what shit they’ve seen in the news about a case like this, to look for anyone who’s basically ready to pull the fucking switch on this little prick themselves, and the judge didn’t do that.

So now SCOTUS is being asked if the US Court of Appeals blew their load in vacation his death sentence, based on their insistence that the judge should have pursued more, whether these jurors were biased from the onset.

In a 6:3 partisan decision, SCOTUS ruled for the United States, arguing the 5th circuit, as usual, were a bunch of dumb fucks. The district court was well within their discretion, not to ask every juror to rattle off every fucking thing they heard on the news about this little prick. Instead, the court need only to assess the juror’s open-mindedness, or overwhelming bias, which they did.

The courts left three dissented, feeling that excluding the evidence about what a controlling dickhead his brother was, was unfair, and should have been allowed. If the jury had heard this shit, they might’ve chosen a lesser sentence.

But all for naught. Tsarnaev’s date with a needle is back on track. Good bye, you little prick.

Hear oral arguments or read about the case here.

Drop some genius on me here.

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