Average Joe SCOTUS: Our Lady of Guadalupe School v. Morrissey-Berru

Old-ass teacher Agnes Deirdre Morrissey-Berru taught at Our Lady of Guadalupe school. Apparently, she was so old, the school got sick of seeing her, and summarily kicked her to the curb.

There’s laws against age discrimination though—specifically the Age Discrimination in Employment Act (ADEA). Dear old sweet Agnes felt like Our Lady of Guadalupe had become Our Dirty Ass Bitch of Guadalupe, and filed suit, claiming she was discriminated against because she was so old, she knew Ivan the Terrible when he was just Ivan the Slightly Unpleasant.

However, those laws allow religious institutions exemptions for ministerial staff, and the school argued that good dear old sweet harmless Agnes was effectively a minister.

Agnes was like, “Goodness gracious! I took one class on religious studies. I never learned to be a minister. So please, go forth and multiply.” (Which is a polite way of saying “go fuck yourself.”)

A district court apparently found Guadalupe’s argument good enough, and sent Agnes’ old ass packing. But the ninth circuit was like, “Hold on a minute you lazy assholes. This old broad ain’t no minister.” And they sided with dear old sweet wonderful Agnes.

One of the issues at hand, is basically to define what the fuck a minister even is, and therefore who falls under that moniker.

But ultimately SCOTUS is being asked to decide if the first amendment’s religion clause allows the courts to get involved in all of this shit in the first place.

In a 7:2 decision, SCOTUS decided dear old sweet wonderful Agnes could fuck right the hell off, and take her chocolate chip cookies with her.

You see, the court has a long history of not sticking their nose in the church’s business. They’re not about to tell the church WTF a minister is. So they were like, “Sorry dear old sweet Agnes, you’re own your own you old biddy.”

Ginsburg and Sotomayor however were like, “Agnes isn’t even hardly teaching religion for fuck’s sake. Are you kidding us with this shit? She teaches secular shit. Hell, she doesn’t even have to be catholic here.

But the other seven were like, “fuck off, decision for Our Lady of Guadalupe.

Hear oral arguments or read about the case here.

Drop some genius on me here.

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