Average Joe SCOTUS: Intel Corp. Investment Policy Committee v. Sulyma

This dude Sulyma worked for Intel from 2010-2012, and as such was involved in their retirement plan.

Because government hasn’t found an industry it can resist regulating, taxing, or both, it passed the Employee Retirement Income Security Act (ERISA), which sets standards as to how investments are supposed to be diversified and other shit like that.

Intel had run afoul of these guidelines, and as such, Sulyma potentially lost potential income/gains in his retirement plan. It should be known, that had they diversified better, it’s not a guarantee that the other funds they might’ve invested in, would have done any better whatsoever. So Sulyma’s argument is purely hypothetical, versus having an objective understanding of the different in performance he might’ve expected.

So Sulyma decided to sue Intel in 2015, because fuck it, suing people is the American way, right? I have a shiny dollar that says he got his dumb ass fired, and was merely seeking revenge, but ahh well, that’s not important.

ERISA has a 3 year time bar, which says, ““from the earliest date on which the plaintiff had actual knowledge of the breach or violation.” 2012-2015 is the time we’re discussing, so  guess what? This dude is just over his three years. But Sulyma and his ambulance chaser are nothing if not creative.

So these assholes are saying, “Sure, you sent us like all kinds of paperwork that told us precisely what you invested my retirement money in. Sure, I should have read through it. But I’m lazy AF, and I didn’t. Fuck you. So that means, I didn’t know shit. And therefore, I had no knowledge that Intel was fucking up until I did read that shit. Therefore, it hasn’t been three years since I knew you were in breech, you motherfuckers. The law says “actual knowledge” not a possibility of knowledge.”

So here we are at SCOTUS deciding if Sulyma’s neglect, is a good enough excuse to allow him to sue past the time bar.

SCOTUS decided that the wording of the law is pretty clear. Even if Sulyma’s a dumb fuck who screwed up, the law is written with the phrase of “actual knowledge” and there’s no fucking way you can define that as anything other than this dumb fuck actually knew it. Not, that he had the opportunity to know it.

Unanimous decision for Sulyma.

Drop some genius on me here.

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