Average Joe SCOTUS: Holguin-Hernandez v. United States

SCOTUS must be bored AF to take on this one. But anyway, basically this Holguin-Hernandez dude (We’ll call him HH because I don’t feel like typing that shit out again) got his dumb ass busted with a little weedy-weed in his pockety-pocket. Enough weed in fact, the state assumed he meant to sell some of it.

HH got 2 years in jail, and 2 years supervised release. So anyway, this dumb fuck gets out, and goes straight back to slinging hash. We all know weed makes you stupid, right? Well he got busted again. So the judge revokes his release and re-sentences him for his new crime.

His lawyer asked the sentences be concurrent. Which basically means, they wanted whatever time he had left for his old crime to be served at the same time he served for his new crime. So if he had 12 months left on his old clock, and his new term was another two years, he’d just be in prison for two years. Get it?

But the judge told them to shove that concurrent option straight up their ass, and sentenced him to consecutive sentences instead. Which means he’ll serve one after the other. When sentenced, he didn’t raise any objection, he just bent over and took it like a man. But later, he tried to appeal.

On appeal, the courts were like, “If you were going to appeal, you should have objected at trial, and you didn’t. So fuck you and your appeal.” But HH was like, “Dude, my lawyer was an incompetent fuck, and he didn’t tell me that.”

But the courts were unsurprisingly without sympathy. So here we are at SCOTUS determining if his shitty attorney argument is gonna get him the concurrent sentence relief he’s hoping for.

SCOTUS felt HH made a fair argument, and unanimously sided with him. Assuming his dumb fuck lawyer didn’t manage his trial well, it’s also fair to assume his dumb fuck lawyer failed to advise him to question his sentence during sentencing in order to be able to appeal.

SCOTUS felt the right to appeal shouldn’t be jeopardized in the way.

Drop some genius on me here.

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