Tag Archives: Average Joe SCOTUS

SCOTUS For The Average Joe

Average Joe SCOTUS – District of Columbia v. Heller (CLASSIC)

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Washing D.C. had some serious issues with gun injuries in the home, and so those motherfuckers sought to cut down on the number of guns in D.C. One problem—2nd amendment, y’all!

So what did they do? What every corrupt rights-infringing congressperson does, they crafted a law that violated the principles of 2A, without violating the letter of it, or so they thought.

They said a gun in the house should be unloaded and disassembled, or have a trigger lock on it. And even to have one, you had to register it and get a license, which D.C. often denied.

Heller was a local cop, and they even denied his application? Like how the hell is a cop not given a license? Who exactly gets one if not a cop?

So Heller was like, “Enough of this shit, we’re going to SCOTUS to sort this out right meow!”

D.C. tried to argue the “militia” clause made 2A a right for localities to form militias, and 2A was not an individual right to own a gun. Which is what any serial rights violator would argue, if they were trying to rape your rights.

But Heller was all like, “The right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed means exactly what the fuck it means.”

In a landmark decision, SCOTUS ruled 5-4 in favor of Heller. They told D.C., “Listen mother fuckers, you can take your oppressive bullshit and shove it squarely up your ass.”

The late and great Justice Antonin Scalia even took the extra step of delivering his opinion verbally because he wasn’t playing!

I’ve written about the 2nd amendment more seriously here.

Read about the case and hear both the oral arguments and Scalia’s passionate oral opinion here.

Libertarianism

Average Joe SCOTUS – Merck, Sharp & Dohme Corp. v. Albrecht

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MS&D, affectionately known as Merck, developed a drug for postmenopausal women called Fosamax. It was designed to prevent osteoporosis.

Here’s the thing with Fosamax, it has certain risks for femur stress fractures. Several women experienced this, and sued Merck.

Merck was aware of the issue, and had previously notified the FDA that their shit might cause a problem here and there. However, the FDA looked over the evidence, and didn’t feel it warranted a warning, and told Merck, “Don’t worry about, bro. Leave the label as it is.”

It wasn’t that the FDA said, “Don’t do it or else, motherfucker.” But they gave Merck reason to believe they’d reject a change to the label if Merck put it on there.

So Merck left the label with no warning for this problem, and crossed their fingers.

The lawsuit was based on a state law that requires drug companies to warn people about this kind of shit. But, Merck was complying with the FDA, which is a federal regulator. So Merck was all like, “WTF, man? Can you motherfuckers short this shit out and get back to us?”

Sort it out SCOTUS did. They told the state, and these women with the fucked up femurs to go kick rocks. If the FDA says leave the label as it is, that’s the law of the land, motherfuckers! Federal government for life!

All nine justices in favor or Merck.

Hear oral arguments or read about the case here.

 

SCOTUS For The Average Joe

Average Joe SCOTUS – Gamble v. United States

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Terance Gamble was a felon who believed he still had his 2nd amendment rights, apparently. But legally, he did not. Felons aren’t allowed to have guns, y’all.

Gamble said, “Fuck you, I’m getting a gun.” And, so he did. His dumb ass got pulled over, and the cops found his gat.

Alabama threw his ass in jail for a year, in violation of the law which prevents felons from having a gun. Additionally, federal prosecutors decided that wanted to tack on another 34 months, because they ain’t playin’, dog.

Gamble was like, “Hold the fuck on a minute. Double jeopardy you sonsabitches! The 5th amendment protects me from this shit. I can’t be tried twice for the same crime.”

So SCOTUS was asked to determine if double jeopardy only applies to one government entity, or all government entities within the United States. One prosecution was by Alabama, one by the United States, something they called separate sovereigns.

SCOTUS sided 7-2 for the United States. Neil Gorsuch and Notorius RBG correctly (IMO) sided with Gamble. This decision makes my libertarian butthole hurt.

Hear oral arguments or read about the case here.

SCOTUS For The Average Joe

Average Joe SCOTUS – Helsinn Healthcare S.A. v. Teva Pharmaceuticals USA Inc.

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This company Helsinn owns patents for something that helps people with cancer being treated by chemotherapy from blowing chunks all the time. It’s bad enough they have cancer and they feel like shit, so there’s a valuable service in at least helping to curb all the puking.

When you patent something like this, it cannot have been sold more than one year prior to the patent, or the America Invents Act (AIA) will consider the patent invalid. Basically, if you put it out into the world for everyone, you can’t take it back later and patent it, you greedy mother fucker. This hurdle is known as the “On-Sale Bar.”

Helsinn sold their product to a friend of theirs, MGI Pharma, but told them, “Seriously, keep this shit on the down-low. We don’t want anyone knowing about it until we get our fucking patent.”

MGI agreed, and did what they were told.

But, because these were public companies, the info was publicly disclosed that they did in fact sell it to MGI, who did honor the agreement not to sell that shit ahead of schedule.

Along comes these opportunistic mother fuckers at Teva who are like, “Hey, we saw that shit. You sold the puke-defender to MGI over a year before your patent application, and we think that amounts to an On-Sale Bar violation. So fuck you and the horse you rode in on, we’re selling that shit.”

Unanimous decision for Teva. Too bad, so sad, Helsinn.

Hear oral arguments or read about the case here.

Libertarianism

Average Joe SCOTUS – Biestek v. Berryhill

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So this dude Biestek was a carpenter and contractor. Biestek had problems, y’all. Like seriously, this dude was defective AF.

He had degenerated discs in his spine, which made it hard to do labor with the pain that comes from this. He had hepatitis C, presumably because he stuck his dinger somewhere he shouldn’t have. And, he was depressed, which seems pretty understandable with the other two problems.

So dude decided to file for government disability assistance, because finding a job that doesn’t require labor, was apparently too much to ask.

The Social Security Administration denied his bullshit, and told him to take a walk. In reviewing his case, an Administrative Law Judge (ALJ), going on testimony by an expert in job availability,  basically decided Biestek was clearly able to be productive, and based on stats from the Bureau of Labor Statistics and their own independent research, argued there was plenty of shit Biestek could do for a living, and thus had zero business asking the tax payer to fund his life in perpetuity.

Biestek appealed, and the ALJ testified against him, saying he could fucking work, and there were jobs available for him. But the ALJ didn’t really supply a whole lot of data to support that claim. And by whole lot, I mean didn’t at all. Basically, they just said, “I know my shit. Don’t question me.”

So the court was asked to determine if the ALJ’s expert must provide all their data to be considered expert testimony, or if their opinion is good enough. To be clear, the court was asked to say that in any case anywhere, data should be provided, not just for these mother fuckers. But the court was all like, “We’re all intelligent people here. We can hear shit on a case-by-case basis. We’re not going to make some grand fucking rule that says you must provide data or get the fuck outta here. And if we determine someone is an expert, that means they have a wealth of knowledge in their head, and we shouldn’t expect them to carry around their life’s work like a huge set of encyclopedias everywhere they go.”

Six out of nine SCOTUS justices said they can’t be bothered with data every goddamn time, and think an expert is an expert. Just take their goddamn word for it.

Ruling for Berryhill, Deputy Commissioner for Operations, Social Security Administration.

Hear oral arguments and read about the case here.

SCOTUS For The Average Joe

Average Joe SCOTUS – Timbs v Indiana

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Timbs bought an expensive ass Land Rover with insurance money from his parent’s passing. Despite striking it rich, this greedy mother fucker decided to start dealing drugs to make even more, and got his dumb ass busted.

Speaking of greedy. Let’s talk about those mother fuckers in Indiana. They decided that they wanted a Land Rover themselves, and they’d use this bullshit charge to take Timbs’ ride.

Since the Rover wasn’t paid for with drug money, and was worth way more than the fine he faced, Timbs argued it violated his 8th amendment rights to not have excessive fines levied on his ass, and that he wanted his fucking Land Rover back.

Indiana tried to say that somehow the 8th amendment, which guarantees against excessive fines was never incorporated into the 14th amendment which entitles the people to due process, allowed them to do this. Don’t even begin to ask me how the fuck they thought this made sense, because I don’t understand it either.

All 9 justices of SCOTUS agreed with me and Timbs; Indiana is smoking some serious shit if they think this is OK, and that maybe they need to read the 14th amendment again before they try this shit next time. SCOTUS summarily told Indiana to go fuck themselves.

Click here to read more and/or listen to oral arguments.

SCOTUS For The Average Joe

Average Joe SCOTUS – Dawson v. Steager

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In West Virginia, if you work for the state as a local firefighter or law enforcement official, you don’t have to pay state income tax. You put your life on the line, they figure it’s the least they can do.

Dawson however, was a federal marshal operating in West Virginia, and was being taxed by West Virginia, because they want to get paid, y’all!

The state of West Virginia however, decided that federal marshals, even if they operate in West Virginia can go fuck themselves. Pay your taxes, bitch! We don’t care if you put your life on the line in our state, we only care if you were taking money out of our purse.

Side Note: I’ve got $20 that this wasn’t about the benevolence of West Virginia towards its employees for the sacrifices they make, but this was about police and fire labor unions negotiating this exemption.

Are we just going to ignore that the source of income mattered more to West Virginia than the sacrifice this man was willing to make for his state? Well, all nine SCOTUS justices aren’t, they think West Virginia is whack!

They told West Virginia they need to get their head straight, you discriminating sunsabitches!

Judgement for Dawson.

Hear oral arguments and/or read about the case here.