SCOTUS For The Average Joe

Average Joe SCOTUS – Fourth Estate Public Benefit Corp. v. Wall-Street.com.

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The people at Fourth Estate Public Benefit Corp. (FEPBC) write news and shit. So do the people at Wall-Street.com (WS). FEPBC then license people to use their content to groups like WS to use, which WS opted to do, because they’re lazy and can’t write their own shit apparently. Who knows?

Under license agreements with FEPBC, if WS decided to cancel their license subscription, they were supposed to remove the content. But WS was like, “Fuck all that, we’ve got more important shit to do. And besides, you don’t even have a copyright for that content, bitch!”

Here’s the rub. FEPBC had submitted paperwork to have their shit copyrighted, but it hadn’t yet been approved. So FEPBC was like, “We do have a copyright you asshat, remove our comment from your site post-haste!”

But then WS was all like, “If it ain’t registered, and you didn’t get that funny little letter saying as much, you don’t have jack shit—we’re leaving it up. Eat a bag of dicks.”

SCOTUS was asked to decide if a copyright was valid from the time it was applied for, or the time it was granted.

All nine sided with Wall-Street.com and told FEPBC that, “you have a copyright when we say you have a copyright motherfucker, and not a moment earlier. Now fuck off.” Judgement for Wall-Street.com

Read about the case and hear oral arguments here.

 

SCOTUS For The Average Joe

Average Joe SCOTUS – Herrera v. Wyoming

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Herrera, a member of the Crow Tribe of Native Americans, was elk hunting on reservation land. Apparently, one of the wily elk decided to run for the border, and leave the reservation for a park that belonged to the state of Wyoming. It was the elk’s “Nana-nana-boo-boo” moment.

Herrera was not bothered by such borders however, followed the elk into the park, and Elmer Fudded that fur-ball with horns when he got his shot.

Herrera was busted by Wyoming for hunting elk off the reservation out of season and without a license in a state park.

Herrera was like, “Hold on, you mother fuckers. We had an 1868 treaty with Wyoming before it was even a state that allowed us to do this shit. It said we can hunt on any unoccupied land here. And this shit is unoccupied AF.”

But then Wyoming was like, “Listen. When Wyoming became a state, that treaty was basically toilet paper. And while we’re at it, this shit it occupied. There’s just no one living on it because we made it a state park.”

So now Herrera was like, “This is some bullshit, right here. Help me out, SCOTUS”

The left-wing part of SCOTUS, along with Gorsuch were like, “No problem Herrera. Fuck you Wyoming. He can hunt there. Just because we were nice enough to let you be a state in the greatest mother fucking country in the world, doesn’t mean you get out of all your treaties. And seriously, how the fuck you going to call a state park occupied? What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you serious right now?”

Judgement for Herrera

You can hear oral arguments or read about the case here.

 

SCOTUS For The Average Joe

Average Joe SCOTUS – District of Columbia v. Heller (CLASSIC)

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Washing D.C. had some serious issues with gun injuries in the home, and so those motherfuckers sought to cut down on the number of guns in D.C. One problem—2nd amendment, y’all!

So what did they do? What every corrupt rights-infringing congressperson does, they crafted a law that violated the principles of 2A, without violating the letter of it, or so they thought.

They said a gun in the house should be unloaded and disassembled, or have a trigger lock on it. And even to have one, you had to register it and get a license, which D.C. often denied.

Heller was a local cop, and they even denied his application? Like how the hell is a cop not given a license? Who exactly gets one if not a cop?

So Heller was like, “Enough of this shit, we’re going to SCOTUS to sort this out right meow!”

D.C. tried to argue the “militia” clause made 2A a right for localities to form militias, and 2A was not an individual right to own a gun. Which is what any serial rights violator would argue, if they were trying to rape your rights.

But Heller was all like, “The right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed means exactly what the fuck it means.”

In a landmark decision, SCOTUS ruled 5-4 in favor of Heller. They told D.C., “Listen mother fuckers, you can take your oppressive bullshit and shove it squarely up your ass.”

The late and great Justice Antonin Scalia even took the extra step of delivering his opinion verbally because he wasn’t playing!

I’ve written about the 2nd amendment more seriously here.

Read about the case and hear both the oral arguments and Scalia’s passionate oral opinion here.

Libertarianism

Average Joe SCOTUS – Merck, Sharp & Dohme Corp. v. Albrecht

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MS&D, affectionately known as Merck, developed a drug for postmenopausal women called Fosamax. It was designed to prevent osteoporosis.

Here’s the thing with Fosamax, it has certain risks for femur stress fractures. Several women experienced this, and sued Merck.

Merck was aware of the issue, and had previously notified the FDA that their shit might cause a problem here and there. However, the FDA looked over the evidence, and didn’t feel it warranted a warning, and told Merck, “Don’t worry about, bro. Leave the label as it is.”

It wasn’t that the FDA said, “Don’t do it or else, motherfucker.” But they gave Merck reason to believe they’d reject a change to the label if Merck put it on there.

So Merck left the label with no warning for this problem, and crossed their fingers.

The lawsuit was based on a state law that requires drug companies to warn people about this kind of shit. But, Merck was complying with the FDA, which is a federal regulator. So Merck was all like, “WTF, man? Can you motherfuckers short this shit out and get back to us?”

Sort it out SCOTUS did. They told the state, and these women with the fucked up femurs to go kick rocks. If the FDA says leave the label as it is, that’s the law of the land, motherfuckers! Federal government for life!

All nine justices in favor or Merck.

Hear oral arguments or read about the case here.

 

SCOTUS For The Average Joe

Average Joe SCOTUS – Gamble v. United States

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Terance Gamble was a felon who believed he still had his 2nd amendment rights, apparently. But legally, he did not. Felons aren’t allowed to have guns, y’all.

Gamble said, “Fuck you, I’m getting a gun.” And, so he did. His dumb ass got pulled over, and the cops found his gat.

Alabama threw his ass in jail for a year, in violation of the law which prevents felons from having a gun. Additionally, federal prosecutors decided that wanted to tack on another 34 months, because they ain’t playin’, dog.

Gamble was like, “Hold the fuck on a minute. Double jeopardy you sonsabitches! The 5th amendment protects me from this shit. I can’t be tried twice for the same crime.”

So SCOTUS was asked to determine if double jeopardy only applies to one government entity, or all government entities within the United States. One prosecution was by Alabama, one by the United States, something they called separate sovereigns.

SCOTUS sided 7-2 for the United States. Neil Gorsuch and Notorius RBG correctly (IMO) sided with Gamble. This decision makes my libertarian butthole hurt.

Hear oral arguments or read about the case here.

SCOTUS For The Average Joe

Average Joe SCOTUS – Helsinn Healthcare S.A. v. Teva Pharmaceuticals USA Inc.

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This company Helsinn owns patents for something that helps people with cancer being treated by chemotherapy from blowing chunks all the time. It’s bad enough they have cancer and they feel like shit, so there’s a valuable service in at least helping to curb all the puking.

When you patent something like this, it cannot have been sold more than one year prior to the patent, or the America Invents Act (AIA) will consider the patent invalid. Basically, if you put it out into the world for everyone, you can’t take it back later and patent it, you greedy mother fucker. This hurdle is known as the “On-Sale Bar.”

Helsinn sold their product to a friend of theirs, MGI Pharma, but told them, “Seriously, keep this shit on the down-low. We don’t want anyone knowing about it until we get our fucking patent.”

MGI agreed, and did what they were told.

But, because these were public companies, the info was publicly disclosed that they did in fact sell it to MGI, who did honor the agreement not to sell that shit ahead of schedule.

Along comes these opportunistic mother fuckers at Teva who are like, “Hey, we saw that shit. You sold the puke-defender to MGI over a year before your patent application, and we think that amounts to an On-Sale Bar violation. So fuck you and the horse you rode in on, we’re selling that shit.”

Unanimous decision for Teva. Too bad, so sad, Helsinn.

Hear oral arguments or read about the case here.

Libertarianism

Average Joe SCOTUS – Biestek v. Berryhill

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So this dude Biestek was a carpenter and contractor. Biestek had problems, y’all. Like seriously, this dude was defective AF.

He had degenerated discs in his spine, which made it hard to do labor with the pain that comes from this. He had hepatitis C, presumably because he stuck his dinger somewhere he shouldn’t have. And, he was depressed, which seems pretty understandable with the other two problems.

So dude decided to file for government disability assistance, because finding a job that doesn’t require labor, was apparently too much to ask.

The Social Security Administration denied his bullshit, and told him to take a walk. In reviewing his case, an Administrative Law Judge (ALJ), going on testimony by an expert in job availability,  basically decided Biestek was clearly able to be productive, and based on stats from the Bureau of Labor Statistics and their own independent research, argued there was plenty of shit Biestek could do for a living, and thus had zero business asking the tax payer to fund his life in perpetuity.

Biestek appealed, and the ALJ testified against him, saying he could fucking work, and there were jobs available for him. But the ALJ didn’t really supply a whole lot of data to support that claim. And by whole lot, I mean didn’t at all. Basically, they just said, “I know my shit. Don’t question me.”

So the court was asked to determine if the ALJ’s expert must provide all their data to be considered expert testimony, or if their opinion is good enough. To be clear, the court was asked to say that in any case anywhere, data should be provided, not just for these mother fuckers. But the court was all like, “We’re all intelligent people here. We can hear shit on a case-by-case basis. We’re not going to make some grand fucking rule that says you must provide data or get the fuck outta here. And if we determine someone is an expert, that means they have a wealth of knowledge in their head, and we shouldn’t expect them to carry around their life’s work like a huge set of encyclopedias everywhere they go.”

Six out of nine SCOTUS justices said they can’t be bothered with data every goddamn time, and think an expert is an expert. Just take their goddamn word for it.

Ruling for Berryhill, Deputy Commissioner for Operations, Social Security Administration.

Hear oral arguments and read about the case here.

log·i·cal: capable of reasoning or of using reason in an orderly cogent fashion lib·er·tar·i·an: an advocate of the doctrine of free will; a person who upholds the principles of individual liberty especially of thought and action