Category Archives: SCOTUS For The Average Joe

SCOTUS For The Average Joe

Average Joe SCOTUS – Obduskey v. McCarthy & Holthus LLP.

Leave a comment

Some deadbeat named Obduskey financed a house in 2007. By 2009, he couldn’t be bothered to send in payments like the deadbeat that he was.

So Wells Fargo, the people who loaned the money to that deadbeat motherfucker, hired McCarthy & Holthus to do a non-judicial foreclosure on the home. (Non-Judicial just means they tried to privately collect the debt, vs take him to court and get a judgement against him.)

M&H did their thing, and Obduskey knew the jig was up. But this squirrely motherfucker was trying to avoid getting his ass kicked out. So he wrote some bullshit letter trying to dispute the debt. He wasn’t paying, yet somehow, he wanted to quibble over how much he owed them, instead of accepting that he just stopped paying altogether. I don’t even know this piece of shit, and I want to slap him.

Anyway, There’s some bullshit law called Fair Debt Collection Practices Act (FDCPA) which basically protects the consumers from harassing debt collectors. Never mind the poor debt holders that got screwed over by these dead beats—fuck them. What is wrong with our country that a dead beat has more protection under the law, than the people who loaned them money and got screwed by the deadbeat in the first place?

Sorry, I keep getting off track.

One of the rules of the FDCPA is that if the person sends written intent to dispute the debt, debt collections have to stop until it can be resolved.

But M&H said,

SCOTUS was asked to decide if the FDCPA apply to non-judicial foreclosure?

All nine told Obduskey to go fuck himself. A foreclosure is an attempt to recover the property so they can be made whole, not collect a debt. Meaning, they’ll sell his shit and get their money, and aren’t trying to get Obduskey to pay like a traditional debt collector.

Hear oral arguments and read about the case here.

SCOTUS For The Average Joe

Average Joe SCOTUS – Fourth Estate Public Benefit Corp. v. Wall-Street.com.

Leave a comment

The people at Fourth Estate Public Benefit Corp. (FEPBC) write news and shit. So do the people at Wall-Street.com (WS). FEPBC then license people to use their content to groups like WS to use, which WS opted to do, because they’re lazy and can’t write their own shit apparently. Who knows?

Under license agreements with FEPBC, if WS decided to cancel their license subscription, they were supposed to remove the content. But WS was like, “Fuck all that, we’ve got more important shit to do. And besides, you don’t even have a copyright for that content, bitch!”

Here’s the rub. FEPBC had submitted paperwork to have their shit copyrighted, but it hadn’t yet been approved. So FEPBC was like, “We do have a copyright you asshat, remove our comment from your site post-haste!”

But then WS was all like, “If it ain’t registered, and you didn’t get that funny little letter saying as much, you don’t have jack shit—we’re leaving it up. Eat a bag of dicks.”

SCOTUS was asked to decide if a copyright was valid from the time it was applied for, or the time it was granted.

All nine sided with Wall-Street.com and told FEPBC that, “you have a copyright when we say you have a copyright motherfucker, and not a moment earlier. Now fuck off.” Judgement for Wall-Street.com

Read about the case and hear oral arguments here.

 

SCOTUS For The Average Joe

Average Joe SCOTUS – Herrera v. Wyoming

Leave a comment

Herrera, a member of the Crow Tribe of Native Americans, was elk hunting on reservation land. Apparently, one of the wily elk decided to run for the border, and leave the reservation for a park that belonged to the state of Wyoming. It was the elk’s “Nana-nana-boo-boo” moment.

Herrera was not bothered by such borders however, followed the elk into the park, and Elmer Fudded that fur-ball with horns when he got his shot.

Herrera was busted by Wyoming for hunting elk off the reservation out of season and without a license in a state park.

Herrera was like, “Hold on, you mother fuckers. We had an 1868 treaty with Wyoming before it was even a state that allowed us to do this shit. It said we can hunt on any unoccupied land here. And this shit is unoccupied AF.”

But then Wyoming was like, “Listen. When Wyoming became a state, that treaty was basically toilet paper. And while we’re at it, this shit it occupied. There’s just no one living on it because we made it a state park.”

So now Herrera was like, “This is some bullshit, right here. Help me out, SCOTUS”

The left-wing part of SCOTUS, along with Gorsuch were like, “No problem Herrera. Fuck you Wyoming. He can hunt there. Just because we were nice enough to let you be a state in the greatest mother fucking country in the world, doesn’t mean you get out of all your treaties. And seriously, how the fuck you going to call a state park occupied? What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you serious right now?”

Judgement for Herrera

You can hear oral arguments or read about the case here.

 

SCOTUS For The Average Joe

Average Joe SCOTUS – District of Columbia v. Heller (CLASSIC)

Leave a comment

Washing D.C. had some serious issues with gun injuries in the home, and so those motherfuckers sought to cut down on the number of guns in D.C. One problem—2nd amendment, y’all!

So what did they do? What every corrupt rights-infringing congressperson does, they crafted a law that violated the principles of 2A, without violating the letter of it, or so they thought.

They said a gun in the house should be unloaded and disassembled, or have a trigger lock on it. And even to have one, you had to register it and get a license, which D.C. often denied.

Heller was a local cop, and they even denied his application? Like how the hell is a cop not given a license? Who exactly gets one if not a cop?

So Heller was like, “Enough of this shit, we’re going to SCOTUS to sort this out right meow!”

D.C. tried to argue the “militia” clause made 2A a right for localities to form militias, and 2A was not an individual right to own a gun. Which is what any serial rights violator would argue, if they were trying to rape your rights.

But Heller was all like, “The right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed means exactly what the fuck it means.”

In a landmark decision, SCOTUS ruled 5-4 in favor of Heller. They told D.C., “Listen mother fuckers, you can take your oppressive bullshit and shove it squarely up your ass.”

The late and great Justice Antonin Scalia even took the extra step of delivering his opinion verbally because he wasn’t playing!

I’ve written about the 2nd amendment more seriously here.

Read about the case and hear both the oral arguments and Scalia’s passionate oral opinion here.

SCOTUS For The Average Joe

Average Joe SCOTUS – Gamble v. United States

Leave a comment

Terance Gamble was a felon who believed he still had his 2nd amendment rights, apparently. But legally, he did not. Felons aren’t allowed to have guns, y’all.

Gamble said, “Fuck you, I’m getting a gun.” And, so he did. His dumb ass got pulled over, and the cops found his gat.

Alabama threw his ass in jail for a year, in violation of the law which prevents felons from having a gun. Additionally, federal prosecutors decided that wanted to tack on another 34 months, because they ain’t playin’, dog.

Gamble was like, “Hold the fuck on a minute. Double jeopardy you sonsabitches! The 5th amendment protects me from this shit. I can’t be tried twice for the same crime.”

So SCOTUS was asked to determine if double jeopardy only applies to one government entity, or all government entities within the United States. One prosecution was by Alabama, one by the United States, something they called separate sovereigns.

SCOTUS sided 7-2 for the United States. Neil Gorsuch and Notorius RBG correctly (IMO) sided with Gamble. This decision makes my libertarian butthole hurt.

Hear oral arguments or read about the case here.

SCOTUS For The Average Joe

Average Joe SCOTUS – Helsinn Healthcare S.A. v. Teva Pharmaceuticals USA Inc.

Leave a comment

This company Helsinn owns patents for something that helps people with cancer being treated by chemotherapy from blowing chunks all the time. It’s bad enough they have cancer and they feel like shit, so there’s a valuable service in at least helping to curb all the puking.

When you patent something like this, it cannot have been sold more than one year prior to the patent, or the America Invents Act (AIA) will consider the patent invalid. Basically, if you put it out into the world for everyone, you can’t take it back later and patent it, you greedy mother fucker. This hurdle is known as the “On-Sale Bar.”

Helsinn sold their product to a friend of theirs, MGI Pharma, but told them, “Seriously, keep this shit on the down-low. We don’t want anyone knowing about it until we get our fucking patent.”

MGI agreed, and did what they were told.

But, because these were public companies, the info was publicly disclosed that they did in fact sell it to MGI, who did honor the agreement not to sell that shit ahead of schedule.

Along comes these opportunistic mother fuckers at Teva who are like, “Hey, we saw that shit. You sold the puke-defender to MGI over a year before your patent application, and we think that amounts to an On-Sale Bar violation. So fuck you and the horse you rode in on, we’re selling that shit.”

Unanimous decision for Teva. Too bad, so sad, Helsinn.

Hear oral arguments or read about the case here.

SCOTUS For The Average Joe

Average Joe SCOTUS – Timbs v Indiana

Leave a comment

Timbs bought an expensive ass Land Rover with insurance money from his parent’s passing. Despite striking it rich, this greedy mother fucker decided to start dealing drugs to make even more, and got his dumb ass busted.

Speaking of greedy. Let’s talk about those mother fuckers in Indiana. They decided that they wanted a Land Rover themselves, and they’d use this bullshit charge to take Timbs’ ride.

Since the Rover wasn’t paid for with drug money, and was worth way more than the fine he faced, Timbs argued it violated his 8th amendment rights to not have excessive fines levied on his ass, and that he wanted his fucking Land Rover back.

Indiana tried to say that somehow the 8th amendment, which guarantees against excessive fines was never incorporated into the 14th amendment which entitles the people to due process, allowed them to do this. Don’t even begin to ask me how the fuck they thought this made sense, because I don’t understand it either.

All 9 justices of SCOTUS agreed with me and Timbs; Indiana is smoking some serious shit if they think this is OK, and that maybe they need to read the 14th amendment again before they try this shit next time. SCOTUS summarily told Indiana to go fuck themselves.

Click here to read more and/or listen to oral arguments.