Average Joe SCOTUS: Uzuegbunam v. Preczewski

In a case with two names that can’t be pronounced by any reasonable person, we’re going to talk about free speech.

Chike Uzuegbunam, a student at Georgia Gwinnett College (GGC) is a religious dude, and he wanted to talk about his faith and shit with anyone who would listen. GGC has two free speech zones that can be reserved, and they told Chike to do that shit there. The rest of campus, he should keep his trap shut about any of his “God” propaganda.

Chike was like, “Fine you assholes,” and reserved one of those zones as he was asked, and then went on to spread the word of whatever religion it was he wanted to talk about. But Chike, is one dedicated mother fucker, and made up literature for that shit to go with his speeches.

So then the school was like, “Woah, we didn’t say you could pass out literature, man. WTF are you doing?”

So now Chike was like, “This is some bullshit” and sued them for violating his first amendment rights, and decided to seek damages.

The school, knowing they done fucked up, changed their rules accordingly, and then said, “See look at us, we fixed it. So now this case is moot, and we don’t owe him anything, right?”

But Chike was like, “Fuck you man, the damage was done. I appreciate you fixing it after the fact, but you can’t run over me with your car, put me in the hospital, and then say you don’t owe me for my hospital bills because you sell the car and can’t run over me anymore.”

So now here we are at SCOTUS to determine if mooting the case absolves GGC from owing Chike some scratch.

Chike’s side basically argues that a case is only moot if the courts have no action left to help them due to the changes made by the other party. While the school changed their policy, they didn’t do anything to compensate Chike as a result.

The defense of course didn’t suffer any injury, and therefore there isn’t any damages incurred.

Basically, the school was hoping SCOTUS would see they changed their rules, moot the case, and effectively sweep it under the rug, as opposed to dropping some legal hammer on them for shitting all over Chike’s 1st amendment rights. In order to make the case not moot, Chike’s team included like a fucking dollar’s worth of damages, so that even if the case is considered mooted because the school changed their rules, there’ still the matter of that fucking dollar to decide.

In an 8:1 decision, where only John Roberts dissented, SCOTUS ruled in favor of Uzuegbunam, saying that the nominal damages rendered the case not moot, and they could proceed, and the courts could ultimately decide the case for Uzuegbunam. That even nominal damages requested by the petitioner are worth deciding.

John Roberts in his lone dissent, was like, “You eight stupid assholes basically just ensured that every god damn case we’ll hear, from now to kingdom fucking come, will have a fucking dollar of damages added to it. Great job, dumbasses. We’ll never be able to moot a case and go home early every again. Serious, fuck you.

Read about the case here:


and here:

Average JOE SCOTUS: AMG Capital Management, LLC v. Federal Trade Commission

Scott Tucker, a loan-sharkish scum bag piece of shit, by any reasonable account, was in the business of making misleading high-interest loans. In the loans, the paperwork cross referenced several other documents and such, making it nearly impossible for consumers to really know WTF they were agreeing to.

Imagine you came to this motherfucker for a $300 loan. He’d charge you $90 in interest. So then, you come back to pay the fucking $390, you think you’re done, right? Wrong. In the paperwork you signed, you’re on the hook for another loan unless you opt out, so you are lended $300 again whether you fucking want it or not, and have to pay another $390 back. Shady AF, right?

Eventually, the FTC caught wind of this, and dropped a $1.27 billion hammer on him, citing §5 of the Federal Trade Commission Act (FTCA), which prohibits “unfair or deceptive acts or practices in or affecting commerce.” They made him get the fuck out of that business, and give back his profits from the scheme, which is a little bit of a stretch, since he probably deserves some of the profits he’d have earned if he wasn’t such a snake in the grass.

The FTC intended to take the money, and do their best to make customers as whole as possible, that took it in the ass because of Tucker.

But, Tucker’s lawyers, attempting to be creative, tried to argue the law gives the FTC power to make him stop doing this shady shit (an injunction), but that making him pay $1.27 billion isn’t an injunction, and therefore is outside the scope of the law as specified in section 13, which allows for the FTC to issue a “temporary restraining order,” a “preliminary injunction,” and a “permanent injunction.”

Section 5 however provides for “other and further equitable relief” and Section 19 allows for “the refund of money or return of property.”

But Tucker’s (and his partners AMG Capital) lawyers argue that section 13 does not allow for them to demand monetary relief, without going through an administrative process first, so SCOTUS is being asked to affirm this, despite the fact that the FTC has done this since inception, and courts have always upheld it. Basically, the FTC is not “passing Go,” but still collecting $200.

It seemed like Tucker would need a miracle to win this one, and praise Jesus, a miracle has landed. In a unanimous decision, no less. SCOTUS agreed that the  FTCA does not provide the FTC in 13B with the authority to seek monetary damages. They divide relief into prospective (preventing future harm) and retrospective (remedying past harm) relief. Justice Breyer who wrote the opinion, argued that 13B is entirely prospective in nature.

The court’s opinion was that the FTC has other methods of seeking monetary relief, or it could ask congress to rewrite the bill. But as the law is written, what the FTC is doing currently, is fucking wrong, and they need to stop it. As you might guess, the statists in congress are already looking to rewrite the law, and accusing SCOTUS of siding with scam artists…all nine of them…including the left wing justices. Instead of admitting they just wrote a shitty law, which they’re incapable of doing.

Read about the case and hear oral arguments here from Oyez.com.

Additional information is here at SCOTUS Blog

Also here at National Law Review