Dear Formula 1 Racing: I’m Here to Help

(This is humor with a touch of truth to it. Please no hate mail if you were offended)

Hey there, my beloved Formula 1 racing. I know you added a waste gate exhaust this year to improve the noise coming from your latest crop of competitive machinery, but these cars do not in fact, sound any better. I fear you’ve lost your way.

So I have some suggestions, if you’ll indulge me a moment.

  • Add two or more cylinders to the current powertrains. No one has ever said, “I’m going to build the worlds most amazing supercar,” then followed it up with, “I know, I’ll put a V6 in it.”
  • A Toyota Prius has never been a race car, nor ever professed to be one. Modeling your powertrain after a Prius’ powertrain might have been a mistake. And I use the word “might” loosely. The Prius was designed with fuel economy in mind, not speed.

    Toyota Prius
    Toyota Prius
  • You had a problem in the 1980s with turbos driving up the cost of cars so high, no one but the top teams could compete. So much so, you banned them in 1989, and a significantly more competitive series ensued. Now, you’ve not only brought them back, but added an expensive electric motor too! Did you forget the lessons of the 80’s so soon? Or just decide you don’t want a competitive series anymore?
  • A car from over ten years ago, still holds most of your track records. The goal of Formula 1 wasn’t to make junky technology less junky. It was to make the fastest technology faster. If the cars of the current year aren’t consistently faster than the cars of the previous year, you’re doing technology wrong. At this rate, you’ll be racing electric wheelchairs by 2030.

    Ralph Schumacher's brother's Ferrari F2004 car, and holder of several F1 records 12 years later
    Ralph Schumacher’s brother’s Ferrari F2004 car, and holder of several F1 records 12 years later
  • I get that Renault fought vehemently to bring this style powertrain into Formula 1 after they won a constructor’s championship in order to add road car relevance to the series. But Renault are French, and the French don’t build supercars. When have the French ever shown themselves to be a guiding force in motorsport? The Italians, the Germans, the British, the Americans; they’re all known for motorsports enthusiasm and expertise. But no one has ever thought, “I want to start a racing series, then knocked on the door of a Frenchman.” They don’t even host a Grand Prix anymore! Maybe, you should listen to your fans instead. They do kinda pay your salary after all. If you had listened to us, you’re current grid would look something like this. Fans would be dreaming about owning or driving one of your cars, instead of reminiscing about how awesome the cars were three years ago and counting.

    Red Bull X2010 Concept Formula 1 Car
    Red Bull X2010 Concept Formula 1 Car

I love Formula 1, with a passion. And while I mean this as a somewhat humorous quip, please know that you have angered many fans, and we’re losing interest. A gussied up qualifying system isn’t the answer, the baddest car ever devised is. Leave the glorified Teslas to the Formula E series.

Drop some genius on me here.

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